Further from the author's words:
The first thing I want to focus on is the question of controlling your emotions. After all, it is no secret that there is nothing more important than to hide from the enemy (just the interlocutor) your feelings, your reaction, certain events. And those who know how to do this will be successful.
Each of us has had at least once in our lives, or even more, to get into a situation of hard pressure. And if you ask yourself the question of memories, then, as a rule, situations either very recent or very vivid in the intensity of emotions come to mind. Factors of such pressure or conflict may include:
1. Lack of time;
2. Occurrence of unforeseen obstacles;
3. Limited resources;
4. An exaggerated goal;
5. Exaggerated responsibility;
6. Exaggerated consequences;
7. Moral guidelines;
8. Psychological training, etc.
Consider this situation, as the hero from one movie said :" purely hypothetically." Someone got in a car and went to a meeting, he didn't have much time (factor 1). On the way, he gets caught in a traffic (f. 2). He notices that one of his wheels is flat (f. 2) and, as luck would have it, he lent the hydraulic pump to his friend yesterday, but kept the manual one for himself (f. 3). And during the training session, he pulled a muscle (f. 3). And that at the wrong time, he forgot his mobile phone (f. 3). But our hero believes that the further revolution in his career depends on this meeting (f. 4) After all, one of his colleagues hinted that this transaction is under the control of the General Manager himself and he thinks that if he does not cope, then he will definitely be fired (f. 5) and then his wife will not let him go fishing with friends (f. 6), and he promised them (f. 7) In addition, according to agent information, in order for the deal to go through successfully, he will have to conclude it in a sauna with "girls", and after all, he is an exemplary family (f. 7). And in general, our hero thinks about why this is happening to him, because he has avoided difficulties since childhood (f. 8). When he saw the dead animals, he was frozen with fear (f. 8) and even more so, he never attended any training sessions (f. 8).
Let's present this situation in the form of a short formula for ease of perception:
C(N) = (F1)*(F2+F2)*(F3+F3+F3)*(F4)*(F5)*(F6)*(F7+F7)*(F8+F8+F8) 2
where C is the stress level and N is the maximum allowable value.
Of course, this is a slightly fictional conflict situation, but there are also very real conflict situations.
For example:
And when something like this occurs, can we say with confidence that we always act adequately and with dignity? And that then we don't torment ourselves with questions: Why did I say that? Why did I do this? Well, I wanted it differently, didn't I?
In order not to ask such questions, let's take a closer look at this matrix together with you. Pressure (conflict) situations can be considered using 2 scales. The first scale shows the degree of waiting for events. The second scale shows the internal assessment of events.
As the well-known wisdom goes: we can't always change an event, but we can always choose how to treat it. And it is in our power to develop the habit of correctly responding to any situation.
There is one of the proven rules that goes something like this: learn to work number 1. For example: If we want to learn how to calmly, judiciously and calmly respond to sharp remarks, rude attacks, aggressive statements (conflict training in a tough context), etc., then for this we just need to take the place of number 1 in training conditions and do the same, mock, be rude and insult. This way, you will know how the conflicting party can act and it won't come as a surprise to you, will it?
Let's try to consider this in another example. Imagine yourself as a student trying to master the techniques of defense against an armed enemy (conflict training in a tough context). Being in the position of number 2, you act according to the template, repeatedly forming a stereotype that this is the only way your opponent (competitor, client # 1) should act. What a surprise when this does not happen. Breaking the stereotype – Bewilderment = > Defeat. Ability to act in conditions of uncertainty this becomes possible only if you control your emotions.
How best to prepare yourself psychologically for such pressure (conflict) situations. A lot has been said and written on this topic, but it seems to me that it would be best to use not specific techniques and techniques, but the principles and ideas that they are based on.
Let's assume that we are going to meet a very scandalous, aggressive, and conflictual interlocutor. We use the following principles for training purposes (conflict resolution training):
1. Each element of a conflict event should be made as expected as possible (scale #1);
2. Make each element of a conflict event grotesque in its execution (exaggerated-scale #2)
3. Work out the position of numbers 1 and 2 in an exaggerated version.
4. Follow the rules of the role of N. O. D. (we'll find out next time)
5. Be aware of life energy conservation strategies (an important separate topic).
What it might look like:
You have 3 states, let's call them conditionally:
* desired-neutral;
* offensive – aggressive;
* defensive – defensive.
Let's enter the role of A and mentally visualize its exaggerated behavioral scenario (conflict training in a tough context), i.e. what and how the interlocutor says, how he behaves, how he reacts to the response of O, in other words, we pay close attention to the words, posture, gestures, facial expressions, signs of voice, the same applies to O. It's very good to imagine yourself in the role of some movie hero. Thicken the colors, connect your imagination to full power, remember this is just your extreme, but not your exorbitant A-level.
Now do the same when you are in the role of O (conflict training in a soft context). Here we apply the biblical approach hit on the left cheek substitute the right. It will be great if you remember some hero who courageously endured all the tortures and bullying, being not broken. Thicken the colors, connect your imagination to full power, remember this is just your extreme, but not the ultimate level of O.
After such a mental training splits, you can easily find your center of balance, which will be the very desired state (H). Think of some hero who would personify for you this ability to control, and therefore manage your emotions. For me, this skill was successfully captured in the film "The Matrix", where the hero of the film Neo with one hand, as if effortlessly repels all the agent's blows, absolutely not paying any attention to him, despite all his over-intensified attempts.
Next, after training, while holding the H state, we mentally rehearse several times possible scenarios for the development of conflict situations with the desired outcome for us. If you have the opportunity to do the same in the form of a training role-playing game on conflict resolution, then this will be just wonderful!
Continuing to practice using the above principles, you will reach the very state that people very often call the ability to hold a blow, if you like, consider that this is your inner talisman, which will always protect you from all conflict misfortunes. Just imagine how many opportunities are realized in this case, both in career and material terms, how much strength and energy for the implementation of the most daring initiatives, how many admiring glances.
The first thing I want to focus on is the question of controlling your emotions. After all, it is no secret that there is nothing more important than to hide from the enemy (just the interlocutor) your feelings, your reaction, certain events. And those who know how to do this will be successful.
Each of us has had at least once in our lives, or even more, to get into a situation of hard pressure. And if you ask yourself the question of memories, then, as a rule, situations either very recent or very vivid in the intensity of emotions come to mind. Factors of such pressure or conflict may include:
1. Lack of time;
2. Occurrence of unforeseen obstacles;
3. Limited resources;
4. An exaggerated goal;
5. Exaggerated responsibility;
6. Exaggerated consequences;
7. Moral guidelines;
8. Psychological training, etc.
Consider this situation, as the hero from one movie said :" purely hypothetically." Someone got in a car and went to a meeting, he didn't have much time (factor 1). On the way, he gets caught in a traffic (f. 2). He notices that one of his wheels is flat (f. 2) and, as luck would have it, he lent the hydraulic pump to his friend yesterday, but kept the manual one for himself (f. 3). And during the training session, he pulled a muscle (f. 3). And that at the wrong time, he forgot his mobile phone (f. 3). But our hero believes that the further revolution in his career depends on this meeting (f. 4) After all, one of his colleagues hinted that this transaction is under the control of the General Manager himself and he thinks that if he does not cope, then he will definitely be fired (f. 5) and then his wife will not let him go fishing with friends (f. 6), and he promised them (f. 7) In addition, according to agent information, in order for the deal to go through successfully, he will have to conclude it in a sauna with "girls", and after all, he is an exemplary family (f. 7). And in general, our hero thinks about why this is happening to him, because he has avoided difficulties since childhood (f. 8). When he saw the dead animals, he was frozen with fear (f. 8) and even more so, he never attended any training sessions (f. 8).
Let's present this situation in the form of a short formula for ease of perception:
C(N) = (F1)*(F2+F2)*(F3+F3+F3)*(F4)*(F5)*(F6)*(F7+F7)*(F8+F8+F8) 2
where C is the stress level and N is the maximum allowable value.
Of course, this is a slightly fictional conflict situation, but there are also very real conflict situations.
For example:
- conflict situations related to loan repayments;
- conflict situations related to lawsuits;
- conflict situations related to the implementation of the sales plan;
- conflict situations related to public speaking;
- conflict situations related to family relationships;
- conflict situations related to force majeure circumstances;
- conflict situations related to illness or loss of loved ones;
- conflict situations related to survival conditions (disasters, prison, hard conflict training), etc.
And when something like this occurs, can we say with confidence that we always act adequately and with dignity? And that then we don't torment ourselves with questions: Why did I say that? Why did I do this? Well, I wanted it differently, didn't I?
In order not to ask such questions, let's take a closer look at this matrix together with you. Pressure (conflict) situations can be considered using 2 scales. The first scale shows the degree of waiting for events. The second scale shows the internal assessment of events.
As the well-known wisdom goes: we can't always change an event, but we can always choose how to treat it. And it is in our power to develop the habit of correctly responding to any situation.
There is one of the proven rules that goes something like this: learn to work number 1. For example: If we want to learn how to calmly, judiciously and calmly respond to sharp remarks, rude attacks, aggressive statements (conflict training in a tough context), etc., then for this we just need to take the place of number 1 in training conditions and do the same, mock, be rude and insult. This way, you will know how the conflicting party can act and it won't come as a surprise to you, will it?
Let's try to consider this in another example. Imagine yourself as a student trying to master the techniques of defense against an armed enemy (conflict training in a tough context). Being in the position of number 2, you act according to the template, repeatedly forming a stereotype that this is the only way your opponent (competitor, client # 1) should act. What a surprise when this does not happen. Breaking the stereotype – Bewilderment = > Defeat. Ability to act in conditions of uncertainty this becomes possible only if you control your emotions.
How best to prepare yourself psychologically for such pressure (conflict) situations. A lot has been said and written on this topic, but it seems to me that it would be best to use not specific techniques and techniques, but the principles and ideas that they are based on.
Let's assume that we are going to meet a very scandalous, aggressive, and conflictual interlocutor. We use the following principles for training purposes (conflict resolution training):
1. Each element of a conflict event should be made as expected as possible (scale #1);
2. Make each element of a conflict event grotesque in its execution (exaggerated-scale #2)
3. Work out the position of numbers 1 and 2 in an exaggerated version.
4. Follow the rules of the role of N. O. D. (we'll find out next time)
5. Be aware of life energy conservation strategies (an important separate topic).
What it might look like:
You have 3 states, let's call them conditionally:
* desired-neutral;
* offensive – aggressive;
* defensive – defensive.
Let's enter the role of A and mentally visualize its exaggerated behavioral scenario (conflict training in a tough context), i.e. what and how the interlocutor says, how he behaves, how he reacts to the response of O, in other words, we pay close attention to the words, posture, gestures, facial expressions, signs of voice, the same applies to O. It's very good to imagine yourself in the role of some movie hero. Thicken the colors, connect your imagination to full power, remember this is just your extreme, but not your exorbitant A-level.
Now do the same when you are in the role of O (conflict training in a soft context). Here we apply the biblical approach hit on the left cheek substitute the right. It will be great if you remember some hero who courageously endured all the tortures and bullying, being not broken. Thicken the colors, connect your imagination to full power, remember this is just your extreme, but not the ultimate level of O.
After such a mental training splits, you can easily find your center of balance, which will be the very desired state (H). Think of some hero who would personify for you this ability to control, and therefore manage your emotions. For me, this skill was successfully captured in the film "The Matrix", where the hero of the film Neo with one hand, as if effortlessly repels all the agent's blows, absolutely not paying any attention to him, despite all his over-intensified attempts.
Next, after training, while holding the H state, we mentally rehearse several times possible scenarios for the development of conflict situations with the desired outcome for us. If you have the opportunity to do the same in the form of a training role-playing game on conflict resolution, then this will be just wonderful!
Continuing to practice using the above principles, you will reach the very state that people very often call the ability to hold a blow, if you like, consider that this is your inner talisman, which will always protect you from all conflict misfortunes. Just imagine how many opportunities are realized in this case, both in career and material terms, how much strength and energy for the implementation of the most daring initiatives, how many admiring glances.
