Verbal balancing act
I bring to your attention an article by Ilya Goz "Verbal balancing act or dexterity to speak." The article is large for reading and perception, but it contains a whole NLP training course on the ability not only to speak, but also to persuade, which includes about 15 lectures on this topic. Therefore, whoever will be interested, I think it can be mastered several times, the article is published in full ...
Start
“I,” said Agathon, “cannot argue with you, Socrates. Let it be your way.
- No, my dear Agathon, you cannot argue with the truth, and arguing with Socrates is a simple matter.
Plato, "The Feast"
"I'll show you a really new thing." This is what Richard Bandler said when he invited the participants of the seminar in Washington in 1980 to his workshop. They were well-trained specialists, real professionals in the field of neuro-linguistic programming. They had years of successful work with NLP behind them. Among them was Robert Dilts. They sat down and waited to see what Bandler would do.
Bandler was about to climb the stage, but unexpectedly stumbled on a poorly secured step and changed his mind. Instead, he said:
"I have a problem here. You will solve it for me."
After that, he walked into the middle of the room and sat down on a chair.
Two days passed in this way. Bandler sat in a chair, pretending to be an intractable client therapist, and a dozen qualified NLP specialists tried to help him solve his problems, change ... but failed. They tried everything they knew. In an incomprehensible way, Bandler managed to negate any methods that would otherwise allow the person he was portraying to get the desired result. He smashed all the approaches that the seminar participants used and almost made them themselves believe in, to put it mildly, the strange belief system of the person he was portraying. And this despite the fact that he constantly repeated that he “wants to change”, “wants to get rid of his problems”, “is ready to do what he is advised to do” ...
On the third day, Bandler and the workshop participants switched roles ...
... and Bandler won again.
From this seminar, the history of the model, known as "verbal balancing act" or "promotion", is now being counted.
Read on and you will find out ...
Trees and wind
Mom, does the wind blow because the trees are swaying?
Children's question
You will now read a few phrases. You may have already heard, read, or even said something like this yourself. The specific meaning is not important now, pay attention to the structure of the phrase, how it is constructed. Try to notice common features. (Readers who are familiar with the meta-model are advised to apply it. Readers who are not familiar with it are advised not to get upset, but to keep reading).
* "You often look into a book, which means you don't know the subject well."
* "Second place is the same as last."
* "You frowned, which means you are angry with me."
* "This person has a lot of money, so he is a thief."
* "Forgetting our wedding date is the same as forgetting our love."
Have you read it? Now a few more phrases. They are built a little differently. Notice how.
* "It saddens me that he behaves this way."
* "I don't have time for my personal life because I work hard."
* "Cancer leads to death."
* "I cannot speak freely with strangers because I was raised that way."
Have you noticed anything in common? Fine! All phrases in the first group say that some thing, action, state means some other action, state. One phenomenon acts as a sign, a criterion by which one can judge another phenomenon.
For example: “you often look into a book” (criterion, let's call it A), “means” (a bunch of) “you don't know the subject well” (and this is a different state, let's call it B ).
Linguists call such phrases "complex equivalences".
And, therefore, B. A is B. A is no different from B.
_________________________ (your example?)
The phrases from the second group are slightly different. They say that one thing is the cause and the other is the effect.
Sometimes it is difficult to immediately recognize such a shape.
Go back to our example: "It saddens me that you behave this way." What does it say here? "The fact that you behave like this" (one action, A) is the reason that "I am upset" (another state, B).
Such phrases are called "cause and effect statements."
A leads to B. B arises from A. B, because A. A, therefore B. If A, then B.
_________________________ (your example?)
These dry linguistic definitions hide behind themselves some of the most important processes taking place in our consciousness, the processes that determine our ideas about reality. Our knowledge of the world. Our beliefs. We all have many beliefs about how the world works. They are vital to us.
Remember how Alice in Wonderland reasoned?
But it seems so easy to remember that, for example, you can burn yourself with a red-hot poker if you hold it in your hands for too long; that if you cut a finger VERY deeply with a knife, that finger will usually bleed, and so on and so forth.
And Alice remembered very well that if you drink too much from a bottle with a skull and bones painted on and the inscription "Poison!"
Indeed, it is in this form that our brain stores information about the laws of the surrounding world. We learn by constructing beliefs about causation and equivalence.
This allows us to develop patterns or, as they are also called, patterns - standard, repetitive sequences of actions, thoughts, words, etc.
Through our accumulated accumulated beliefs about cause and effect and equivalence, we know in advance how to open the door, how to turn on the TV, how to tie our shoelaces ...
... what does such an act of a loved one mean, how to react to that particular phrase ...
... why we got sick and why we are sure that the proposed method of treatment in no way, well, in no way, can work ...
... what to buy washing powder, how to vote in elections ...
Yes, all these cases, completely different in content, are expressed in a similar linguistic form. Underlying each of these, we can find beliefs about cause and effect and beliefs about equivalence. This is both the strength and the weakness of the way our brain works. With the help of these types of beliefs, we can formulate the laws of nature, navigate an infinitely complex world, learn, learn new things ... and we can limit ourselves, drive ourselves into the framework of stereotypes, quarrel with loved ones, deprive ourselves of the opportunity to change ...
Consider what if you had a way to quickly, effectively, and discreetly change those beliefs in yourself and in others?
The linguistic patterns of the "verbal balancing act" model developed by Robert Dilts and Todd Epstein give us this way.
Reformation of meaning
I have often found that a simple word is beneficial.
acts on many people, and not the author of the word, but the word itself
sets in motion the soul, secretly manifesting its power.
F. Petrarch
We will consider the fourteen patterns of "verbal balancing act" in their classic form, as they were first formulated by the authors of the model. Each of them is a simple and at the same time unusually powerful scheme for constructing a statement, which can be opposed to a statement of cause and effect or a statement of complex equivalence, thereby weakening, transforming or completely eliminating the corresponding limiting belief.
Before moving on, please select two or three of your own beliefs about cause and effect or equivalence. Thus, by reading the description of the pattern, you can immediately apply it to your own belief. You can take another look at the examples (I will use them for explanations, so you will have to take something of your own).
Here's how they are called:
1. Overriding
2. Consequences
3. Intention
4. Detailing
5. Consolidation
6. Counterexample
7. Another result
8. Metaphor
9. Recursion
10. Hierarchy of values
11. Change of context
12. Meta-frame
13. Model of the world
14. Strategy of reality
Redefine
There are three types of overrides:
a) overriding the cause
b) redefining the corollary
c) redefining the criterion (feature)
-I have no time for my personal life, because I work a lot.
a) You really don't have time for your personal life, because that's how you organize your work.
b) Since you work hard, your life should improve, shouldn't it?
- This man has a lot of money, so he is a thief.
c) If he has a lot of money, it means that he somehow got it. Do you know any other ways to get money other than stealing?
Do you remember the scheme of the statement about cause and effect: "Cause A leads to phenomenon B"?
Then the general scheme for redefining the cause will look like "It is not A leads to B. B causes another reason, C."
We demonstrate to the interlocutor that in reality, each phenomenon can have many causes, and each phenomenon can cause many different consequences. Thus, we help the person to remove the limiting belief, expand the choice of actions available to him.
We act in a similar way with the conviction of equivalence, showing that this criterion, this feature can mean something completely different. Scheme of this redefinition: "A does not mean B. A can mean B, from which follows D, D ..."
Now take your chosen belief and apply an override pattern to it.
Ask yourself a leading question: "What other reasons could cause this phenomenon? And what other phenomena could this cause lead to?" If you are convinced of equivalence, ask the question: "What else can this sign mean?"
Notice how your attitude towards the chosen belief is changing.
Consequence
Beliefs, even insignificant at first glance, most directly determine our behavior. Often a person is not aware of the consequences of his belief in this or that statement.
- Cancer leads to death.
- Such beliefs lead to the fact that a person ceases to act, ceases to strive for recovery. But this, in fact, can lead to death.
- The second place is the same as the last.
“By thinking this way, you are depriving yourself of even the reward that you honestly earned. Thus, you are unconsciously depriving yourself of the incentive to further improve, which would help you win.
Apply the Consequence Pattern to your own belief.
Ask yourself, to what, to what consequences does this belief lead you? Are these consequences positive or negative?
Notice how your attitude towards the chosen belief is changing.
Intention
"Every behavior has a positive intention." As you know, this is how one of the main provisions of neuro-linguistic programming is formulated. In this pattern, we draw a person's attention to the intention behind their belief. Is this belief the most effective way to achieve your goal?
“It saddens me that he behaves this way.
“Sorry, but if you want him to change his behavior, you don't have to be upset for that.
- You frowned, which means you are angry with me.
"Do you want me to really get angry?" No?
Apply the pattern of intent to other beliefs. What is the positive intent of this belief? What do you want to achieve by adhering to this belief? What other ways are there to achieve this goal? Note again how your attitude towards the chosen belief is changing.
Chunk down and chunk up
These two patterns are associated with the concept of "logical levels" widely used in neuro-linguistic programming.
Any object, any phenomenon in our world can be imagined as consisting of many separate parts.
For example, now you are obviously looking at a computer screen. What does the object that we call a "computer" consist of?
From a monitor, a keyboard, a system unit ... which, in turn, are made up of cases, various parts ... you can continue on your own.
This division into its constituent parts in NLP is called detailing, or moving down logical levels.
And at the same time, each object is itself a part of some larger object, a part of a wider system (and, we add, not one).
Your computer is probably included in a computer network along with many other computers and, thus, is involved in many complex information processes.
But in addition, it can be considered, for example, as part of the furnishings of the room where you are, along with a table, chairs and other objects. This room, in turn, is part of the building ... continue on your own.
This process is called consolidation, or moving up logical levels.
In a detail pattern, we take the components of the original belief, detail them, and figure out which details are important enough to change the original belief.
- I have no time for my personal life, because I work a lot.
- Which of your professional responsibilities deprive you of time for your personal life?
- Forgetting the date of our wedding is the same as forgetting our love.
- Was there only one day in our love?
In the coarsening pattern, on the contrary, we pay attention to which parts of which larger system are the components of the original belief and how this affects it.
- Cancer leads to death.
- The organism is a large, complex system. A cancerous tumor is a small part of the body, and before speaking with such confidence, you need to understand how this part interacts with the immune system, with the body as a whole, and much more.
- You often look into a book, which means that you do not know the subject well.
- But I need to know not only this narrow question, but also some related related issues.
Practice using the detail and enlargement patterns. What are the details of the elements of this belief? What more are these elements part of? Notice how your attitude is changing.
Counter-Example
In this pattern, we look for and present to the interlocutor a situation in which both components of the initial belief are present, but they are connected by a different relationship.
As you practice looking for counterexamples, it may surprise you to find that you can find the opposite example for almost any statement.
The world is really infinitely diverse ...
Let's rewrite the original belief schema:
"Cause A leads to Phenomenon B" or "Phenomenon A means Phenomenon B".
The following situations are possible:
1. There is a cause A, but there is no phenomenon B. Let's write it abbreviated as "A and not-B".
2. There is no reason A, but there is a phenomenon B. Let's write it as "not-A and B".
“It saddens me that he behaves this way.
“I suppose you can remember a lot of times when you were upset regardless of his behavior and, perhaps, times when you were not upset, although he behaved that way.
- This man has a lot of money, so he is a thief.
- There are many poor thieves and honest rich people in the world. The Queen of England is the richest woman in the world, but would you call her a thief?
Use a counterexample pattern with your chosen beliefs. As before, notice how your attitude is changing.
Another outcome
Using the pattern of a different outcome, instead of directly refuting or neutralizing the original belief, we draw attention to other, positive, possible outcomes resulting from the situation to which this belief refers, the possibilities that the person was not previously aware of.
- I cannot speak freely with strangers, because I was raised that way.
- So, before you speak, you will carefully collect information. This will make you much more effective in communication.
- Forgetting the date of our wedding is the same as forgetting our love.
- Sorry. We can remember the dates or not, but what could we do so that regardless of this, we know that we love each other?
Practice using a different outcome pattern using your example. What positive consequences can you draw from the situation described in your initial belief? Notice how your attitude is changing.
Metaphor, or analogy (Analogy)
Probably, each of us knows the effect that a well-told anecdote, a story from life, a parable produces well, to the place. Whole books have been written about the art of creating and using metaphors.
You can apply metaphors and work with beliefs about cause and effect and complex equivalence.
To do this, remember or invent a short story, fairy tale, any realistic or fantastic situation, at the beginning of the development of which its elements would be in the same relation to each other as the elements of the original belief. Then, as the story unfolds, change the relationship between its elements.
- You frowned, which means you are angry with me.
- You know, on this occasion I remember one old children's cartoon about Little Raccoon and the One Who Sits In the Pond ... So, one day Little Raccoon was told that someone terrible, terrifying lived in the pond. And when he had to go to the pond, then, before looking into the water, Little Raccoon frowned sternly to scare the One Who Sits In the Pond.
And what?
When the Raccoon looked down, he saw that the One Sitting In the Pond also frowned sternly and was looking at him! That's how they made terrible faces to each other, until someone advised Little Raccoon, before looking into the pond, to smile ...
Try to think of or find a metaphor for your beliefs.
Recursion or application to self (Apply To Self)
In this very interesting pattern, we take a condition or criterion formulated in the original statement and apply that condition to the statement itself.
Thus, we sort of arrange a verbal "short circuit" - now the belief collides with itself!
- I have no time for my personal life, because I work a lot.
- How much time did you have to spend to make sure that you do not have time?
- Cancer leads to death.
- Most likely, death is caused by the belief that the sick person must die.
- The second place is the same as the last.
- The last thing is to confuse two different places.
You will need some training to learn how to construct recursions quickly and efficiently. Get started.
Hierarchy of Criteria
Probably, any person has a set of certain criteria by which we evaluate ourselves, our actions, the actions of other people.
We do some things willingly - this means that they meet these criteria, some are not interesting to us (they do not meet our values), we have a dual attitude to some: on the one hand, we believe that they are necessary and important , but we do not want to do them - here, perhaps, our values are in conflict.
Each of us can have many values and we can formulate them in different ways. Someone considers it important "to enjoy life", someone appreciates the "opportunity to learn" more, someone is important "health", "material independence", "well-being" - there can be many options.
What is important for us now is the fact that values, as a rule, are arranged hierarchically. And this, of course, largely determines our behavior.
If you value your health more than the possibility of having pleasure "right now", then, probably, your lifestyle is somewhat different from the lifestyle of some of my friends!
Knowing about the hierarchy of values (criteria), we can apply a more general criterion higher in the hierarchy to one of the components of the initial statement.
Thus, the original statement will be presented in the light of higher values, which cannot but change our attitude towards it.
“It saddens me that he behaves this way.
- Isn't your own well-being more important?
- Forgetting the date of our wedding is the same as forgetting our love.
- What is more important - to have a good memory or to really love?
Apply the value hierarchy pattern to other beliefs. What values are involved in them? What values are higher in relation to them? Notice how your attitude is changing.
Change the context (Change Frame)
A statement only makes sense if it is in a specific context.
“The man looked at the woman and said,“ cheese. ”What does this phrase mean?
It all depends on the context in which it is located. Maybe this is happening in the kitchen? Does he want to hurt her? Telling a joke? Taking a photo? Or maybe this is just an example of an ambiguous phrase that I came up with to illustrate my statement?
Words have no meaning without a frame that surrounds them. Remove the meaningful context - and you can only shrug your shoulders in bewilderment. (J. O'Connor, in the introduction to Mind Lines by B. Bodenheimer and M. Hall, 1997)
By placing the belief we are working with in a different context, we actually transform its meaning. You can change the following context components:
a) time frame
- I cannot speak freely with strangers, because I was raised that way.
- Parenting made sense once upon a time when you were a child. Now the reason must be looked for in something else.
b) expand / narrow the context
- This man has a lot of money, so he is a thief.
“Maybe he has a lot of money compared to you or me, but compared to most people, his position is very small.
c) the speaker's personality
- The second place is the same as the last.
- Would you think the same if you were the one who took third place?
Apply the context change pattern to your own belief.
Meta frame
In this pattern, we come across another concept of neuro-linguistic programming - perception positions. In total, it is customary to distinguish three positions:
1. Perception of the situation from your own point of view;
2. Perception from the point of view of another person, interlocutor, partner;
3. Meta-position - the perception of oneself "from the outside".
Now we are interested in the third position.
Virginia Satir, an eminent psychologist and therapist, often asked clients the question, "How do you feel about your feelings?"
To answer this question, a person must take a meta position. We do the same using the meta-frame pattern.
“It saddens me that he behaves this way.
- Does it upset you that you are so influenced by the behavior of other people?
- This man has a lot of money, so he is a thief.
- Do you think it's good to blame a person for a crime just because he has a lot of money?
Now apply the meta-frame pattern to your chosen belief. Notice how your attitude is changing.
Model of the world
It is truly amazing how the perceptions of the same situation can differ in cultures of different peoples.
In other tribes, a person could not eat if he had no one to share the food with. Some authors even argue that, finding themselves on a desert island, a member of such a society faithful to the precepts of their ancestors would simply starve to death.
And in many places in Asia and Africa, the custom was preserved for an extremely long time, according to which a person had to eat completely alone, and even if his own son accidentally saw him at this time, it would cost him his life. (R. Podolny, "Link of Times". Moscow, 1969)
Even more surprising, we don't even have to go for examples from the African Zulus and Australian Bushmen. Each person has his own perception, his own model of the world.
Someone grew up in a family where it was not customary to "lisp and almond". He considers such an expression of feelings to be a manifestation of weakness.
Someone else will perceive him as a callous, soulless person. You can easily find many other examples.
This is what we do when we use the world model pattern.
It is useful to imagine how a person with a different model of the world would have perceived the belief you are working with - an Australian Aboriginal, an Indian, a Japanese ... a professional psychologist, a priest, a world boxing champion .. . your neighbor, finally.
- You often look into a book, which means that you do not know the subject well.
- But Einstein believed that there was no need to memorize information that can always be easily found in a reference book.
- Cancer leads to death.
“It's curious that you think so. Many oncologists now share the opinion that the problem is not with the cancer itself.
The problem is that a weakened immune system cannot cope with altered cells on its own. This is why many people are successfully cured of cancer. (This example is given by R. Dilts)
Good erudition, knowledge of other cultures will help you to effectively use the pattern of the model of the world.
Reality Strategy
The pattern, which we will consider in conclusion, will introduce us to another concept of neuro-linguistic programming - the strategy of reality.
Each person has a way to separate reality from fiction, to decide which statement is true and which is not.
(Okay, I deceived you. Not everyone has this way. However, those who cannot distinguish reality from their own fantasies are most likely now under the supervision of specialists and are unlikely to read this article).
But what is this method? How exactly did this person come to the conclusion that his belief is correct? Have you read it somewhere? Did you see it on TV? Heard from a friend? But how did he determine that this source can be trusted?
- I cannot speak freely with strangers, because I was raised that way.
- Tell me, how exactly did you decide that you cannot speak freely with strangers precisely because of your upbringing?
What strategy of reality do you yourself use?
What's next?
And, finally, one more thing: words are not deeds.
The act is flesh! Words are just shadows.
You can repeat about pearls for hundreds of years,
But if you don't dive, it's yours only in a dream.
N. Khosrov
So, you got acquainted with fourteen patterns of "verbal balancing act".
It is quite possible that you yourself used some of them before, heard, saw, read how other people use them, and some patterns turned out to be new to you.
Naturally, as we said earlier, this is a model. A model of what people are already doing. However, you may now begin to understand how this is done.
Over the next seven days, observe other people speaking - in a casual setting, in newspapers, on television, on the web ...
Discover what patterns of "verbal balancing act" they use. Are they using these patterns to increase the richness of choice, allow them to see alternatives, and help others and themselves live happier lives? Or ...?
Observe your own speech. What patterns do you use often? Which ones are less common? Exercise. Choose a statement of cause and effect or complex equivalence and apply all fourteen patterns to it sequentially. Some patterns will be easier for you to apply, some more difficult.
Pay special attention to those patterns that are more complex.
I wish you success.
