Lord777
Professional
- Messages
- 2,579
- Reaction score
- 1,513
- Points
- 113
We all periodically have difficulties in relations with people around and "difficult conversations". Of course, ideally, you should try on your part to find compromises. However, if everything was done to preserve peace in relations with a person, but the conflict could not be avoided, then it is better to take into account two rules for conducting a dialogue:
- When describing what upset you, avoid the pronoun "You". For example, the use of phrases like: "You make me angry with your behavior", "You behave unworthily", etc. It is better to tell the interlocutor how you feel and because of what his action. For example: "I am very sad about the current situation", "It hurts me to look at the self-destructive behavior of a loved one."
Thus, it will be possible to avoid direct accusations of the opponent, leading to the emergence in him of feelings of guilt (justification), underestimation (removal and blocking) and a defensive reaction (counter-accusation).
- Avoid gesturing towards the location of the interlocutor. Any flapping of the arms, tilting of the corpus body towards the opponent during debriefing is regarded by him at a subconscious level as a source of potential danger of a physical attack. As a result, the human defense mechanism "turns on" and the achievement of a peaceful resolution of the conflict becomes a difficult task. It is best to direct gestures and body movements to the side when sorting out the relationship.
Remember that a difficult situation will sooner or later be resolved, and the damaged relationship will remain.
- When describing what upset you, avoid the pronoun "You". For example, the use of phrases like: "You make me angry with your behavior", "You behave unworthily", etc. It is better to tell the interlocutor how you feel and because of what his action. For example: "I am very sad about the current situation", "It hurts me to look at the self-destructive behavior of a loved one."
Thus, it will be possible to avoid direct accusations of the opponent, leading to the emergence in him of feelings of guilt (justification), underestimation (removal and blocking) and a defensive reaction (counter-accusation).
- Avoid gesturing towards the location of the interlocutor. Any flapping of the arms, tilting of the corpus body towards the opponent during debriefing is regarded by him at a subconscious level as a source of potential danger of a physical attack. As a result, the human defense mechanism "turns on" and the achievement of a peaceful resolution of the conflict becomes a difficult task. It is best to direct gestures and body movements to the side when sorting out the relationship.
Remember that a difficult situation will sooner or later be resolved, and the damaged relationship will remain.