Loser Psychology: How to Stop Complaining About Life?

[Teacher]

"There is this type of people who stand on the sidewalk, watch the carnival pass by, and never think that they could be part of it," said Richard O'Connor, American psychotherapist and author of the bestselling book The Psychology of Bad Habits ... - They adopt this paradigm: life is not worth trying fate. Personality itself is not worth much. Happiness - or even just being well - is not worth the effort. "

People in such a situation can be content with their small requests, work in low-skilled positions, go home after such work to just sit and watch TV, never travel far from home, and the family often ties them hand and foot.

They are in quiet despair, overwhelmed with worries, sadness and a sense of loss of opportunity. They do not like this state of affairs, but they do not know where to start in order to change everything.

Why do people feel like failures?

• They could have grown up in an atmosphere of low expectations.
• It was difficult for them to study at school and as a result people were left without real education.
• It was not explained to them in time that if they worked hard, they would be able to get ahead.
• Or maybe they are just victims of total failure, a bad period in life, or the consequences of chronic trauma syndrome.

Individuals who had every chance can also waste their lives, and many of them do this - following the example of their parents.

Other examples of people who let the carnival of life pass them by and unconsciously self-destruct.

• People with mild depression, low expectations, who live without any passion in life.
• People who are not to blame for their downfall, who were unsettled by the economic crisis, who sit without work for a long time and begin to lose hope for a better life.
• People who participate in a political or religious movement where they are forced to act against their own interests.
• People with acquired helplessness who decide they can never control their own lives.
• Other people who are intimidated by the very idea of responsibility for themselves.

The truth is that feelings like happiness, pleasure, or fullness in life are not common in our minds at rest (but mild anxiety is common). We must make an effort of will to reach this state.

What are we waiting for and what are we coming to terms with
Due to the difficult situation in the economy, growing social inequality, the gap between rich and poor, more and more people simply give up.

1. Predictions that come true themselves (self-fulfilling prophecies)
Often times, people, events and opportunities adjust to our expectations. And optimism or pessimism often turns into prophecies that come true - a phenomenon in which we rise or fall depending on our or others' expectations.

We pay attention to what we expect to see, and if we expect success and recognition, we are likely to be more successful and joyful. Optimists cope better with the vicissitudes of fate, they are more likely to continue to struggle, and therefore know how to achieve the desired results. They tend to solve problems rather than run away from them. Optimists are better at planning for the future.

2. Learned helplessness
The famous term learned helplessness was first used in the famous series of experiments by Martin Seligman. He observed the behavior of dogs, some of which were able to avoid electric shock, and some did not. Then he placed both groups of animals in cages from which it was easy to escape. In a strange way, most of the group of dogs, who could not avoid the electric shock, simply lay down in the cage on the floor and received the electric shock, despite the fact that they saw a way to get out.

The following attitude was formed in them: an electric shock cannot be avoided. This model is quite applicable to people.

We see wives resigned to the beatings of their husbands; pessimism of people who stopped following a diet, going to the gym and generally monitoring their health. They never had to show willpower to turn the tide. People almost always give up too quickly without even seeing a glimmer of hope.

How to fix everything
We can all feel a surge of energy or motivation, feel strong enough to make a difference. The challenge, therefore, is to channel these impulses in the right direction - to behavioral change that can be enjoyable and open up perspectives for the future. Any action can start an escape from passivity. And that's why.

1. Actions help you think. Even those that do not lead to any results provide new information and fresh perspective.
2. Action helps us to better perceive ourselves when we are faced with fear face to face. Acting as "as if ..." (we are not afraid, we know what we are doing) helps to acquire new skills. It must be remembered that any new skill at first seems awkward and difficult.
3. Action brings good luck. Any action increases the chances that something good will happen to us.
4. Action helps to mobilize your feelings. It speaks to our intuition, our personality and hidden desires.
5. Action reveals our resistance. A sense of danger slows down action, but if we don't get down to business, we may never know what the danger is.

Almost any action is better than inaction. Like any feeling. People who look at life through their fingers should bring more positive emotions into it: joy, satisfaction, pride, enthusiasm.

Willpower can change your life. It is a skill that can be developed like muscles. Each time it will be easier and easier, and life will become much more pleasant.

Exercise "Three Nice Things"
This exercise has been clinically tested to help people become happier and alleviate depressive symptoms for six months while people continue to exercise.

1. When you go to bed, free your mind. If you are haunted by obsessive anxieties, it is helpful to mentally take each of them and put them on the floor in a small slide next to the bed. Many alarms will calmly wait for you until the morning, and some may simply disappear into the night.
2. Now think about three nice things that happened in the day: small, large, sensual, intellectual, or whatever. You have done the job. You are tired and feel good. Your fifteen-year-old daughter unexpectedly hugged you. You showed concern for a loved one. The dinner was great.
3. Focus on how you feel about what is happening. Learn to discern the nuances of your good feelings. Are you proud of yourself? Worried? Joyful? Are you feeling relieved? Did these memories make you smile?
4. Pay attention to the muscles in your face as they form your smile. Do you feel warm? Where? In your heart, in your stomach, in your whole body? Or do you feel a pleasant sensation in your throat? Is the pulse changing?
5. Imagine how neurons in the brain form new pathways to happiness. Remember that brain cells form new connections as you practice psychologically.

This exercise will help you feel differently about your life. It will make you pay attention to the good moments of the past day: beauty, pleasure and dignity.

You'll begin to understand how little that makes us happy is independent of ownership, wealth, or status. In our graceful and strange world, simple things that give joy seem mundane and banal. But that's the way we are, it's time to get used to it.