An incomplete gestalt will never be "completed" if a person is too much (emotionally) involved in completing it. Indifference to gestalt is the best tactic for its successful completion
The guru of the gestalt approach, Fritz Perls, formulated his vision of the causes of human happiness and unhappiness as follows: the main source that feeds neurosis is an unfinished (unclosed) gestalt.
However, well ... The completion of the gestalt cannot be expected (as half-asleep ladies "expect" the birth of a child) and one cannot strive for it (as they strive to obtain a visa to a rich country that is unfriendly to poor guests) ... Gestalt is a tricky thing ...
An incomplete gestalt will never be "completed" if a person is too much (emotionally) involved in completing it. Indifference to gestalt is the best tactic for its successful completion.
Let us recall Zeland (the best gestalt theorist of our time, who for some reason hides his main source of inspiration from the masses!) So: with increased Importance, the desired will never come true. “For desire” you need to go the way we go down to the kiosk for the evening newspaper - confidently, without complexing and even somewhat lax - as if shuffling home shoes against the familiar chipped asphalt.
What is an unfinished gestalt? Do you remember the song? "Bound by one chain, bound by one goal, bound by one ... chain."
So - an unfinished gestalt is a chain that binds us stronger than other chains invisible to the eye to:
a) people
b) places
c) repetitive life scenarios ...
Simply put, when we
a) I really wanted something (or someone) in life, but we didn't have it,
b) when we ended a relationship with someone on a very strange note, without understanding what happened,
c) when we have not completed the action or work
And (most importantly!) If periodically returning mentally to this topic we experience strange irritation and discomfort - before us is an unfinished gestalt in all its glory.
What is the danger of an unfinished gestalt? At first. It creates a hotbed of chronic displeasure or anxiety inside our body, and secondly, it really, not metaphorically, prevents us from moving forward in life. Something like how it prevents you from getting a diploma that has not passed the test, for which you need to go to some godforsaken department of life safety. Something like how a signed bypass sheet is hindered from receiving honor by honor - textbooks not returned to the library. Something like an unpaid fine or alimony prevents you from going abroad.
What to do?
To complete unfinished gestalts, we need to use the advice that Oscar Wilde, a clever poet, writer and playwright, gave the world a hundred years ago:
"To overcome temptation - you need to ... give in"
Completion of the gestalt gives another benefit to a person - a person becomes pleasant in communication and begins to become unburdened to other people. How? Will explain. People with incomplete gestalts always try to complete them in other situations and with other people - by forcibly imposing roles in the scripts of their unfinished gestalts!
So, the children of parents who at one time “didn't ...” - did it, didn't receive it - they begin to receive it in three times the amount - “sometimes not wanting it”, as it is sung in the cheerful song of Andrei Mironov.
So, partners, whose today's loved ones at one time expected from someone yesterday from their past life some kind of sign of attention, but again, did not receive it, are lost in conjectures: “What is my dear naughty about? What is the kagbe hinting at? What does he want? "
And he (she) needs, for example, that someone praised his skill of fast driving. Or carried in his arms at a full meeting of all his friends (that's why he gets drunk in the trash, so that there is a reason - to carry)
“Deal with your unclosed gestalts today, so as not to torment people dear to you - tomorrow” this is how the slogan of gestalt therapy would sound if she was interested in advertising slogans ...
But what if, for example, I wanted to become a doctor? Naturally, it is easier for me to make a doctor out of my child (for this, God gave man the talent to be fruitful and multiply - to complete his gestalts!)
With all the high cost of the goal and the resistance of the beating material, this is much easier than completing your gestalt yourself! No, gentlemen, everything is simple ...
Think about this. When you “wanted to be a doctor,” what did you really want? One evening spent in subtle meditation will give you an honest answer to this question!
What did you associate with the work of a doctor then? What latent (and therefore real) desires did you want to satisfy by wearing a white robe? Feeling women in bras and without them? (This is me, for example).
These gestalts - and finish. Sometimes even just the realization of “what I really wanted, dreaming about a career as a doctor” leads to a happy ending of the gestalt!
There is one small and simple rule of thumb for completing gestalts: start by completing the simplest gestalt on the surface! Something that does not require thoughts and significant efforts. Fulfill your cherished (preferably stupid) dream. Learn to dance the waltz! Learn to bake a napoleon cake. Go kayaking!
And then the gestalts will begin to close one by one, with a bang, splashing you with their magic pollen.
And after a short time, you, happy, as on an advertising tourist calendar, will find yourself far, far away, since the chains that chained you to the past will burst, like hoops that fettered the big heart of faithful Henry ...
