Everybody lies. You may assume that you have never done this, but even the smallest omission in your statements or an attempt to show yourself as competent, qualified or prepared as expected of you are all forms of lying. At the same time, lying to yourself is a deep betrayal, because if you convince yourself for a long time that you are someone else, not who you really feel inside, over time life becomes more difficult for you than it could be.
Sometimes you realize that you are deceiving yourself, but the inner voice, deliberately misleading, screams louder. Give yourself time to recognize the lies you are telling yourself and not be flogged with this revelation. On the contrary, by making an agreement with yourself, you can overcome the worst of habits, and life will begin to bring you more satisfaction.
Steps.
1. Stop saying yes when you are really thinking no.
One of the most common problems is when a person feels compelled to say yes to anything. If these reasons are irrelevant to your personal needs and time resources, being able to say “no” is especially important. To say “no” you need to learn, as, however, you need to learn anything. However, you will soon find that people prefer to know exactly what you mean, and that you are not going to let them down by first saying yes and not doing anything afterwards.
It may seem that someone is offended by the rejection, when they are used to the fact that you usually say "yes". However, this is usually a sign of their intent to use you. In this case, rejection will be a good lesson for them and will make it clear that you can resist.
2. Determine the protection mechanism for yourself.
Using defensive behavior, deceiving, anger, philosophizing or resentment to prove yourself right, and ignoring the opinions of others are all forms of self-deception. When you show arrogance and claim that others should stick to your views, you are deceiving yourself because your reaction is a defense mechanism and disrespect for the opinions of others. In reality, you are not like that, it has nothing to do with who you really are.
The real you is someone whose desires, hopes, values, and preferences matter, but they must be articulated and shown in a constructive way that will benefit and nurture others.
3. Learn to recognize when you are afraid.
We often tell lies when we want to protect ourselves. Seeking to be safe is a response to something that is your “fear”. The more you become aware of your fears, the less need you have to lie.
Whenever you find yourself trying to explain, and your intuition triggers a process of introspection, ask yourself, "What of the things that I'm afraid of could happen?"
4. Make a conscious effort to mark times throughout the day when you are trying to be someone else who you are not.
While learning from others and copying behaviors that work for them is a good idea, you run the risk of going too far in this imitation. The desire to “be” them will lead to the loss of the sense of self and an attempt to become someone else. Likewise, distorting your self to meet the expectations of others will weaken your personality and break your spirit.
5. Learn to distinguish when you start to over-emphasize your abilities, education and skills.
Exaggerating one's abilities, as a form of lying to oneself, will ultimately cause confusion, frustration, and confusion. For some, this may lead to the fulfillment of the Peter Principle, whereby you get promoted regardless of your skill level, however, spending time in vain attempts to prove what you are capable of.
This can lead to exhaustion, feelings of defeat and even loss of reputation, because others find that you do not correspond to the high level that you declared.
This kind of exaggeration will not help you move forward and will prevent you from being honest with yourself.
6. Be careful when you tell yourself that things will change, but do nothing to make it happen.
Saying that you would like things to be different is one thing. To act is different. Many are cunning, dreaming of winning the lottery, getting an inheritance, finding a perfect job, etc., and then they could easily cope with everything in their life that they could not cope with before, passively waiting ... who knows what. ..
7. Recognize your subjectivity.
Everyone has this ailment, to a greater or lesser extent. Understand that your truth is only “your” truth.
8. Maintain high standards of speaking your inner truth.
It will probably take time to practice, but someday you may feel the need for more objectivity towards yourself, and you may be able to catch yourself if you start deceiving yourself, and even prevent self-deception. If you are honest with yourself, amazing things can happen - you will trust yourself more, you will see that your self-esteem will increase, and you will begin to feel your boundaries, and that sometimes relying on others is better than trying to “ do all by yourself ”. You will begin to succeed in your business instead of moping or feeling sorry for yourself; you will have more energy because you will stop holding the mask, hiding your real nature and worrying about hiding your flaws.
Advice:
Being hard on yourself enough to curl up in a fetal position and surrender is an unconstructive position that can only hurt you. Be tactful when assessing your weaknesses and where you need to work on yourself and decide to act to improve.
Establish their source before accepting these thoughts as a reliable basis for thinking about who you are. It takes introspection to sort through what is useful self-criticism. Often it also requires discussion with trusted friends who have a healthy vision of life. Look for thoughts that completely contradict reality or your outlook on life.
Example: A teenager gets high grades in a gifted class, always supports others' academic achievement, any improvement in grades, but still believes that his personal success is within average. And it can be about anything.
Sometimes you realize that you are deceiving yourself, but the inner voice, deliberately misleading, screams louder. Give yourself time to recognize the lies you are telling yourself and not be flogged with this revelation. On the contrary, by making an agreement with yourself, you can overcome the worst of habits, and life will begin to bring you more satisfaction.
Steps.
1. Stop saying yes when you are really thinking no.
One of the most common problems is when a person feels compelled to say yes to anything. If these reasons are irrelevant to your personal needs and time resources, being able to say “no” is especially important. To say “no” you need to learn, as, however, you need to learn anything. However, you will soon find that people prefer to know exactly what you mean, and that you are not going to let them down by first saying yes and not doing anything afterwards.
It may seem that someone is offended by the rejection, when they are used to the fact that you usually say "yes". However, this is usually a sign of their intent to use you. In this case, rejection will be a good lesson for them and will make it clear that you can resist.
2. Determine the protection mechanism for yourself.
Using defensive behavior, deceiving, anger, philosophizing or resentment to prove yourself right, and ignoring the opinions of others are all forms of self-deception. When you show arrogance and claim that others should stick to your views, you are deceiving yourself because your reaction is a defense mechanism and disrespect for the opinions of others. In reality, you are not like that, it has nothing to do with who you really are.
The real you is someone whose desires, hopes, values, and preferences matter, but they must be articulated and shown in a constructive way that will benefit and nurture others.
3. Learn to recognize when you are afraid.
We often tell lies when we want to protect ourselves. Seeking to be safe is a response to something that is your “fear”. The more you become aware of your fears, the less need you have to lie.
Whenever you find yourself trying to explain, and your intuition triggers a process of introspection, ask yourself, "What of the things that I'm afraid of could happen?"
4. Make a conscious effort to mark times throughout the day when you are trying to be someone else who you are not.
While learning from others and copying behaviors that work for them is a good idea, you run the risk of going too far in this imitation. The desire to “be” them will lead to the loss of the sense of self and an attempt to become someone else. Likewise, distorting your self to meet the expectations of others will weaken your personality and break your spirit.
The need to behave in this way must come from within you, and if it is not, do not do it or adapt it in such a way that it fully reflects your own self.
5. Learn to distinguish when you start to over-emphasize your abilities, education and skills.
Exaggerating one's abilities, as a form of lying to oneself, will ultimately cause confusion, frustration, and confusion. For some, this may lead to the fulfillment of the Peter Principle, whereby you get promoted regardless of your skill level, however, spending time in vain attempts to prove what you are capable of.
This can lead to exhaustion, feelings of defeat and even loss of reputation, because others find that you do not correspond to the high level that you declared.
This kind of exaggeration will not help you move forward and will prevent you from being honest with yourself.
- Learn to be humble.
- Talk about your weaknesses. This will help you better connect with people who are aware of this vulnerability in themselves, and will also show that you are original, you are real.
6. Be careful when you tell yourself that things will change, but do nothing to make it happen.
Saying that you would like things to be different is one thing. To act is different. Many are cunning, dreaming of winning the lottery, getting an inheritance, finding a perfect job, etc., and then they could easily cope with everything in their life that they could not cope with before, passively waiting ... who knows what. ..
Unless you change something in yourself; only your actions and intentions can do this.
7. Recognize your subjectivity.
Everyone has this ailment, to a greater or lesser extent. Understand that your truth is only “your” truth.
This is a type of narrow approach that leads to endless arguments in which no one backs down, as everyone tries to force their reality on others, denying the existence of another reality.
8. Maintain high standards of speaking your inner truth.
It will probably take time to practice, but someday you may feel the need for more objectivity towards yourself, and you may be able to catch yourself if you start deceiving yourself, and even prevent self-deception. If you are honest with yourself, amazing things can happen - you will trust yourself more, you will see that your self-esteem will increase, and you will begin to feel your boundaries, and that sometimes relying on others is better than trying to “ do all by yourself ”. You will begin to succeed in your business instead of moping or feeling sorry for yourself; you will have more energy because you will stop holding the mask, hiding your real nature and worrying about hiding your flaws.
Advice:
- Dark, sad, and negative thoughts about yourself are just a “part” of you. Don't let them define who you are.
- Experience the difference between being honest and being considerate.
Being hard on yourself enough to curl up in a fetal position and surrender is an unconstructive position that can only hurt you. Be tactful when assessing your weaknesses and where you need to work on yourself and decide to act to improve.
- Sometimes the irrational side of our self-critical thoughts comes from people who have had a negative impact on our lives, especially in childhood.
Establish their source before accepting these thoughts as a reliable basis for thinking about who you are. It takes introspection to sort through what is useful self-criticism. Often it also requires discussion with trusted friends who have a healthy vision of life. Look for thoughts that completely contradict reality or your outlook on life.
Example: A teenager gets high grades in a gifted class, always supports others' academic achievement, any improvement in grades, but still believes that his personal success is within average. And it can be about anything.
