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Fragment of the book by B. Sher. I refuse to choose! How to use your interests, passions and hobbies to build the life and career of your dreams. - M.: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2016.
People can be divided into two types: scanners and divers. Divers are those who have chosen one area of interest for themselves and began to develop in it. But scanners have too many interests and hobbies to focus on one thing. In this book, Barbara Sher shows you how to adapt your wonderful multifaceted mind to a world that has never really understood who you really are. She will help you find your purpose and become truly fulfilled.
Are you a scanner?
If you've ever said this to yourself, chances are good that you have a special type of thinking that is characteristic of people I call scanners . You are genetically different from those who once and for all find a sphere of interest for themselves and are content with one area of activity. You are attracted by many different matters at the same time, and you are trying to fill your life with them . Because in the eyes of others, such behavior looks incomprehensible and unusual - even disturbing - you have been taught that this is wrong and you need to change. But people are wrong about you, and their diagnosis is wrong. You are just a person of a different kind!
What you consider to be a disadvantage that must certainly be overcome by an effort of will is, in fact, an exceptional gift. You have got a magnificent versatile mind that seeks to prove itself in a world where they do not understand your nature and your behavior.
Can't get started!
It's nice to know that I'm a scanner and not just a confused person. But what's next? Quit and rush headlong into the unknown?
All my plans are lists of things never done. I spend a lot of time making plans and planning something else the next day. How to stop planning and start taking action?
It's great to know to yourself that you are a scanner. Just think: the time and energy that was spent on the struggle with oneself, wasted on self-accusations, fears and doubts, will now be directed towards building a wonderful future. You are free. Step into the life you've always dreamed of.
But how do you take the first step? What is he? Which target should you choose? And how can you be sure that it is correct?
It's great to stop blaming yourself for being a scanner, but it's just as far from being a scanner to the first step as ever. Obstacles seem to creep out of the ground, and all at once - both fictional and real.
What to do with obstacles?
Obstacles are of two types - imaginary and real. First of all, we will look at imaginary ones, which are generated by incorrect information and emotions. It's much easier with real obstacles - we'll talk about them a little later. So let's start by looking for imaginary obstacles. It is necessary to analyze them and fully understand them in order to prepare for meeting real obstacles. Making fictional obstacles disappear is easy.
Lane's story
Lane, executive secretary at a local trucking company, admitted:
- I can't get down to business. I never go further than thinking about what I would like. I keep writing endless lists of possibilities in about a dozen different directions that I could go, but I have never moved on to action. After all, I will not dare to leave my job and throw myself headlong into the unknown, so what's the point of starting something?
- Wow, what a throw! I shook my head. - From the desk and fantasies - and straight into the abyss. If I had only one choice: write lists or quit my job for some unknown reason, I would not be able to make up my mind either. But the question is: who said that you have only two options?
- What else? Lane asked.
- What if we hold on to the current work, and for now test the waters?
There was a pause.
“I don't even understand what you mean,” the girl admitted.
- Forget about the leap into the unknown. After the work day is over, go in search of the information you need. Leave the familiar world and wander around the world that interests you. Find sites according to your interests; find out if there are any
conferences that you can attend. Ask your librarian to select specialized journals for your subjects and read them carefully. Find forums and communities, participate in discussions with people who are already in the topic. No risk and you can find out more about what attracts. You need to breathe a little real life into your lists and plans.
A lot of people (and especially scanners) get stuck for the same reasons as Lane. This is one of the worst jokes that our fears can play with us: we forget how many completely safe steps we can (and should!) Take before we burn bridges behind us.
You will object: "But if I don't rush forward, I'm afraid I will never budge." Well, you are wrong. Beautiful gestures work well in fantasy, but when it comes down to it, most of us are not so reckless. We have seen what happens to reckless people, or even experienced it first hand. Therefore, while the risk is great, we do not push ourselves to move - no, we force ourselves to do nothing at all .
Making lists and plans without up-to-date information is just a continuation of fantasies about “what to do”. Daydreaming with a pencil in hand over a piece of paper with plans is becoming a way of life for many scanners. In fact, it is a way of avoiding any action when the dream seems impossible. And completely different - real planning, with specific facts, tasks, deadlines. Such a plan is an action in itself.
So how do you go from writing down ideas to real action? Consider Lane as an example. One of her ideas: to create an online intermediary firm for recycling companies from small towns - a centralized information exchange, where they will receive information about technical innovations and legal framework, and possibly keep in touch with each other. The idea was born when Lane collaborated with one such venture and saw with her own eyes the lack of such an information structure.
“But I have plenty of other ideas too, completely different ones,” she said. - There are just too many of them!
“Let's discuss this first,” I suggested. - There is a great way to make a plan that will get you to act. Once you understand its principle in one example, you can apply it to everything else. Don't take it too seriously, rather treat it as a test drive. Okay?
"I'll try." She clearly hesitated, but nodded.
Action. The thought of him makes many of us numb. If you are a scanner and are convinced that for the sake of any action you will have to give up other aspirations, then your unwillingness to move forward is understandable. But, as you already know, no one demands such a choice from you. However, even understanding this intellectually, it is still difficult to start the engine and drive out of the gate.
Probably, you also faced the problem of which goal to choose first. I repeat over and over again: it doesn't matter which one. This is just a test of the pen. To learn how to bring a plan to life, you need to pick any right now and practice.
With the removal of this barrier, you may run out of excuses, but I know that many will still remain undecided and not ready to take the first step. Lane, however, has always prided herself on being rational.
- If I could put my plans in order, of course, I would move forward. But there are so many things to consider.
- Tell me, what do you think about it? - I handed her the letter that I received in the morning.
She put on her glasses.
Barbara!
These are my obstacles. What if I write a book and no one buys it? What if I offer my information retrieval services? But then you will have to go and “sell” yourself to different people, and I don't like to communicate, so I won't do it? What if no one buys my photos, because it's so easy for them to get lost in a sea of other photos? What if I learn to be a webmaster and the technology changes and I find myself out of work? I try to find myself a job that would suit me one hundred percent, but I get bogged down in all these "what if ...". I am paralyzed by the analytical mind - the very talent I was most counting on. What should I do?
Ed
Lane put the letter aside and looked at me.
- In my opinion, the guy winds himself up. You think I do the same, right? So even if I come up with a great plan, I'll still back down?
“I don't know,” I replied. - But look: you assume that you must definitely leave safe work and throw yourself into the abyss, and the risk is very high, right? So high that the first step seems impossible?
“Yes, I guess,” she said thoughtfully.
- Do not scold yourself for this. Goal movement is always scary. Most of us are ready to do anything to protect ourselves from this fear: “I want to work with animals, but I need to get a specialized education, so I will have to change my job to have time to study, but then there will not be enough money and I will have to look for cheaper housing, but I can't do it until I pay off the loans ... ”- and stuff like that. We build so many obstacles that we will never even have a small aquarium with a goldfish.
Lane smiled, and to cheer her up, I said, “Even the European Union is doing this,” I handed her a funny clipping from the Washington Post, which I had once kept. In the article by Robert Kaiser “Innovation will enable Finland to better envision its future. The economy offers a new model for old Europe, ”said:
Nowadays, said Himanen, a young Finnish intellectual, Europe resembles a once magnificent athlete out of shape. Instead of getting down to business, the athlete sits at the table and writes strategic plans for how to get her back: “I could run. I could swim. "
Sometimes it seems that this is the European logic: "When I get back in good shape, then I'll start practicing."
As she read the article, I thought about how difficult it is at times to move from reflection to action and how many reasons we find to avoid it. Of course, not only do scanners show the syndrome of "analytical paralysis", but their problem is multiplied by the number of targets.
Muriel. At the beginning of the week, I vowed to pick three top things I want to do before the end of the year. But these three things were constantly changing! Before I could look back, I had a list of eight main things. If it keeps growing, I won't do anything at all!
Ketchel. How much do we need to wring our hands, whine and pull before we find the strength to move towards the goal? Why do so many of us expect the impossible - as if every fleeting interest could turn into a high-paying career, and put it off until we figure out how to get practical benefit from it? What if we just did what we want, and mental confusion and anxiety would not interfere with us?!
Good question. So what's the problem?
Taking action is a big step
Human protective mechanisms are designed to forestall danger. This does not work for young children, so they need constant supervision. With age and experience, caution grows. Teenagers can be reckless, young people brave, but none of them pose the same threat to themselves as babies. The more you know about stumbling and falling, the more careful you walk.
This would be the answer to Ketchell's question if it were about real risk, but why are the same precautions included where there is not the slightest risk? Why does a person hesitate to write a novel or come up with a fashion line just for himself? Because, fully formed, the human defense mechanisms are activated every time you are about to step into the unknown. Defense mechanisms against bungee jumping - this makes common sense. But they are reluctant to have you sing in front of an audience in your living room. Why? It makes no sense anymore.
The defense mechanism is a powerful and primitive thing, he perceives everything new as a threat to survival. Whether our defense mechanisms are right or not, they work and affect our lives.
However, if you obey all the stupid prohibitions of defense mechanisms, then you will never do anything interesting at all. So, the new venture is not a threat, and you really want to start doing something. How to decide on the first steps? There is a practical three-step system that will miraculously overcome your momentum.
Three magic steps
If you're a crawler who only thinks but doesn't jump into action, here are three easy steps. Every time you need to act, follow them in sequence - and the result is guaranteed.
Step 1. Learn a new way of making plans (reverse planning block diagram), which will not replace action, but will push you to take real steps.
Step 2. Use this diagram to identify hidden fears that keep you from getting down to business so you can take action to reduce the danger.
Step 3. Set a real deadline for which you must be ready. At that time, you will meet with the person who provides you with stress-reducing support. The need to report will keep you moving forward even under stress.
These three steps, taken in a row, will transform you from a well-deserved planner and great dreamer to a person of action. They work great.
Let's see what Lane was able to accomplish with these three steps when she decided to start realizing a practical goal.
“In my experience,” I said, “acting is far less scary than constantly beating around the bush and not getting started.
“I do,” Lane nodded. - But I also know something else: it is unlikely that something sensible will turn out if you start without being prepared.
“Me too,” I assured her, and presented her with the first magical step - a reverse scheduling flowchart.
Reverse scheduling, success teams, and real deadlines
This is my version of the flowchart, I developed it when I was preparing my very first seminars in 1975. (This is in my first book, Dreaming Is Not Bad. Getting What You Really Want, which is still a success, thanks in part to the idea of a flowchart. A detailed description of the original reverse planning flowchart is also given in this book.)
I found that the charts and flowcharts used in various organizations are too complex to understand and use, so I started from scratch. I drew a circle, wrote the ultimate goal in it, and asked myself:
“Can I achieve this goal right now? If not, what should be done before that? "And she continued to draw circles with goals inscribed in there, working backward, asking herself the same two questions and re-adding task circles until I got to a step that could be taken immediately. To this circle, I brought a large arrow pointing to it with the inscription: "Now!"
The process of such planning pulled me out of my chair and made me take the first real steps towards the goal - and it was not an easy task. I was very proud of my idea. In addition, I was inspired by the thought that now I can break the dead end of anyone who is stuck on the way to the goal.
I put a small group together and we tried out the reverse planning flowchart. After choosing a simple topic - preparing an imaginary dinner party, I told them, “So, we need to organize a dinner for twelve people. Can we pull it off tomorrow night? If not, what should be done before that? "We drew a diagram on the chalkboard, noting to invite guests, purchase food, and prepare food first. To complete these steps, you need to find phone numbers and create a menu. Everything happened not only very fun, but also very simple - anyone could handle it. I saw that the scheme had a lot of potential, and I was eager to start using it. But when, back in 1976, I began to introduce this technique in the first seminars with "success teams", the reaction was not at all what I expected.
At first, the participants of the seminar spent several hours helping each other to find funny ways to achieve their goals. There was a lot of laughter, my head was spinning from the feeling that alluring opportunities were floating around. Everyone was having a great time and looking at me cheerfully, expecting to continue.
As planned, I said:
- Now let's get down to reality. I want each of you to set a goal and choose an approximate date when this goal will be achieved. Suppose you want to perform a song at an open mic night at a local club in three months.
Everyone listened with enthusiasm as I chalked a circle in the right corner of the board.
“To come to the club and sing,” I continued, “it takes a few things. You need permission from the club owner and you need to know how to sing, right?
The audience nodded, watching with interest as I draw arrows to two circles and write "permission" in one and "singing" in the second.
- Now, in order to get permission, you need to talk with the owner, - I drew another line and drew a new circle. - And to talk to the owner, you need to find a club. Can you find a club that hosts open mic nights?
Almost everyone nodded in the affirmative.
- Can it be done right tomorrow, or do you need to take some more steps? - I continued.
“It's easy,” one woman replied. - Look in the directory and select a club.
“Great,” I agreed. - So, we are finished with this line on the diagram. You have a step to take tomorrow. Now let's go back to the beginning and take a look at the second item you will need. To perform a song, you need to be able to sing.
As in the first case, moving in the opposite direction - from the goal to the very first step, I wrote out the entire path, including the need to find a teacher and choose a song.
When I finished, I saw that I had made a great impression on everyone, I seemed to the audience terribly smart, and I was very pleased with my excellent invention. Then I invited everyone to take a piece of paper and draw the same diagram for one of their purposes. In about twenty-five minutes. When the participants grabbed their pens, I began to look through my notes. A few minutes later, there was a sudden feeling that something strange was happening in the room. Looking up, I found that no one else was laughing or smiling. Moreover, nobody writes. I watched this for a minute, and then I asked:
- Something is wrong?
Everyone looked at me, their faces were alarmed - I felt terrible. Finally one woman raised her hand.
- It's not fun anymore. Begins to scare. The others nodded.
I realized that the listener was right. What I thought was a wonderful, rational way of moving from words to deeds turned out to be too powerful a medicine. It encouraged action where people still played the game.
I really did not want to lose the achieved momentum, and to relieve the tension, I told some funny stories that made the participants laugh. Then she divided them into teams of six and established: every evening they should call each other and meet with each other weekly. When they felt calmer, I showed them how to make the first steps very tiny and fearless, so that the fear finally recedes.
Note, I didn't tell them to “think positively” - I think it doesn't work. In the chapter “Scanner Panic,” we talked about this: to calm your fear, you need to reduce the level of danger.
As soon as the participants realized how small the first steps would be, and realized that each step will be accompanied by the support of the team, they stopped worrying. By the end of the seminar, everyone was again inspired by their ideas and looked forward to a new meeting with their teammates. Many years later, I still received letters from members of the first "success teams" about their remarkable accomplishments.
The lesson I learned that day I have never forgotten. There is a huge difference between making lists and plans in general - and actually scheduling any practical steps. It is not easy. It is always a shock to the system of your life. To keep moving forward, you will need many new techniques and tools.
For example, you must assign a due date for each milestone on the way to a goal. A calendar with no deadlines is like tennis without a net. (If no one else knows about the deadlines, there is a danger that you will ignore them.) Someone's support plus the need to report will create real deadlines. I will cite a letter that perfectly illustrates my point.
Before, I did not understand an important thing: support helps to overcome resistance. I was too isolated from other people. Now I see that my ups and downs are closely related to whether I had a support system at that time. I think being structured is the key to asking why I like the job. The salary is a kind of built-in motivator to help you concentrate, and the boss is a support system. All this motivates me to work.
I also really enjoyed the time I was in college full time. I think the main reason was that I had a schedule, had deadlines for assignments, and had a great support system. My best friend then also quit his job and went back to college, and every day we walked to class together, encouraged each other, listened to lectures together. In biology class, I joined a group that worked together (great thing!), We met at my place, and of course these people were a great support group.
Is there such support in your life? Every time I meet a person unable to budge, it is revealed that he was trying to draw out the entire plan alone.
We are not made for this. Left to ourselves, we often shy away from action and fool ourselves so as not to notice how we avoid them.
Isolation is fatal to dreams. It is impossible to move forward in isolation.
The workshops I mentioned above were designed precisely to create “success teams”. They turned out (and still are) extremely successful. When it comes to making your dreams come true, nothing beats weekly team meetings and support. If you are unable to join such a team or assemble your own, find a friend or coach and schedule regular meetings with them. The realization that there is someone who is waiting for news from you will relieve tension and force you to get down to business.
(Since we started talking about this, do not forget about the effectiveness of the calendar-diary. There you write down the visit to the dentist. Do not mark it on the calendar - the visit to the doctor will not take place. Add those there every meeting with a coach or with your friend. This is stimulating: you do not you will forget that you have to fulfill part of your plan, because by a certain day they are waiting for your report.)
I remember here a story from a long-standing seminar for three reasons. First, the reverse scheduling flowchart is a very useful tool, and telling how it came about is a good way to teach you how to use it. Second, you can dodge the action without even realizing it, and the reverse planning block diagram will shed light on your hidden fears (nothing is more successful in driving monsters into the light than a reverse planning session). Third, I want you to know that the prospect of immediate action - taking steps and setting real deadlines with your “success team” - will banish all fears. Talking about fears will not lead anywhere - only active action will dispel them.
Getting out of the impasse
So, just for the sake of experiment, draw a reverse planning pattern, going backwards from goal, step by step, until you get to what you can do tomorrow. It doesn't matter how small these first steps are.
While you draw circles and draw arrows, listen carefully to yourself. What are you experiencing? Do you like these first moves to break the deadlock? Or do you freeze to your chair from fear?
Let's see what happened to Lane when drawing up the diagram. She decided to practice her idea with processing plants.
“I'm not sure that this particular project should have been implemented in the first place,” she explained. - But you have to choose at least something, otherwise I won't start anything at all.
The next week, she spent three or four lunch breaks and afternoons, scouring the Internet for information on the topic and taking notes.
At another meeting, Lane said:
- I was already ready to make a PowerPoint presentation in order to feel businesslike and respectable, but then I realized that the notes in the notebook are no worse and this will create the right mood when I present the idea.
She also found the phone numbers of those she worked with when she volunteered for the city's recycling program, and set a tentative date on her calendar to meet at her home. Lane showed me her notes.
“Solid,” I said. - You can start.
“I don't know…” she replied. “I have serious doubts about this case.
- Why?
"It doesn't seem to matter to me as much as I thought." Lane tried not to look me in the eye.
- Do you have any concerns?
- No! - she exclaimed. - It's not about skydiving. Just a meeting at my house to talk.
I nodded in agreement.
- And you call the meeting. So, you will start by explaining what it is all about and what it is about?
“Well, yes,” her expression changed slightly. After a moment's silence, she continued:
- You know, they could have already figured out how to solve these problems. It would be pretty silly if it turns out that I don't know about it. It would be worth checking first. - She looked at me and added: - It seems that processing plants do not bother me anymore.
- But this is unexpected. What embarrassing moment are you presenting, Lane?
“Pretended they were looking at me like an idiot,” she admitted. - After all, I do not know these people very well, but they are all competent. And I? How will I look next to them?
- Well, hello ... Are you kidding? You know perfectly well that you are an intelligent and capable person. After all, you yourself have told me this more than once.
She chuckled weakly.
- I'm afraid. Who am I to them? An upstart from the side? What if they laugh at me? Jesus, I didn't even think about it.
- Are they such unpleasant people? Or from some closed club?
- Well no. Nice, friendly. Actually, that's why I was so actively involved in their program then. Oh, it seems that childhood has overtaken me. I mean, my fear is from there, from childhood. Well, you must! I am also afraid.
She looked much less tense now.
“You know, I think I should call one of them to help me with my plan. If we work together, I will have to finish everything. It's the same as friends come for you in the morning to take you out for a run - like it or not, you go.
Lane went through all three magical stages. She first used a reverse planning scheme to chart the first steps. Then her fears came out, and she made sense of them to find out their nature and reduce the danger. Then I moved on to the last point: I decided to cooperate with a friend in order to get support and report on progress towards real deadlines .
People can be divided into two types: scanners and divers. Divers are those who have chosen one area of interest for themselves and began to develop in it. But scanners have too many interests and hobbies to focus on one thing. In this book, Barbara Sher shows you how to adapt your wonderful multifaceted mind to a world that has never really understood who you really are. She will help you find your purpose and become truly fulfilled.
Are you a scanner?
- I cannot do something for a long time.
- I know you need to focus on one thing - but what?
- I quickly lose interest in what I thought would keep me busy forever.
- I am easily distracted by other interesting things.
- I get bored as soon as I begin to understand how something is done.
- I hate doing things twice.
- My interests change all the time, I just can't stop at one thing - and as a result I am inactive.
- I work in low-paid jobs because I can't decide what to devote myself to.
- It is difficult for me to choose a field of professional activity - what if I make a wrong choice?
- I think everyone comes into this world for something; everyone has their own purpose - everyone, but not me.
- I can only do something when I have many different activities at the same time.
- Every now and then I give up what I started because I'm afraid of missing out on something better.
- I'm too busy, but when I have free time, I can't remember what I would like to do.
- I will never become an expert in anything. I feel like I'm forever stuck in a beginner's class.
If you've ever said this to yourself, chances are good that you have a special type of thinking that is characteristic of people I call scanners . You are genetically different from those who once and for all find a sphere of interest for themselves and are content with one area of activity. You are attracted by many different matters at the same time, and you are trying to fill your life with them . Because in the eyes of others, such behavior looks incomprehensible and unusual - even disturbing - you have been taught that this is wrong and you need to change. But people are wrong about you, and their diagnosis is wrong. You are just a person of a different kind!
What you consider to be a disadvantage that must certainly be overcome by an effort of will is, in fact, an exceptional gift. You have got a magnificent versatile mind that seeks to prove itself in a world where they do not understand your nature and your behavior.
Can't get started!
It's nice to know that I'm a scanner and not just a confused person. But what's next? Quit and rush headlong into the unknown?
All my plans are lists of things never done. I spend a lot of time making plans and planning something else the next day. How to stop planning and start taking action?
It's great to know to yourself that you are a scanner. Just think: the time and energy that was spent on the struggle with oneself, wasted on self-accusations, fears and doubts, will now be directed towards building a wonderful future. You are free. Step into the life you've always dreamed of.
But how do you take the first step? What is he? Which target should you choose? And how can you be sure that it is correct?
It's great to stop blaming yourself for being a scanner, but it's just as far from being a scanner to the first step as ever. Obstacles seem to creep out of the ground, and all at once - both fictional and real.
What to do with obstacles?
Obstacles are of two types - imaginary and real. First of all, we will look at imaginary ones, which are generated by incorrect information and emotions. It's much easier with real obstacles - we'll talk about them a little later. So let's start by looking for imaginary obstacles. It is necessary to analyze them and fully understand them in order to prepare for meeting real obstacles. Making fictional obstacles disappear is easy.
Lane's story
Lane, executive secretary at a local trucking company, admitted:
- I can't get down to business. I never go further than thinking about what I would like. I keep writing endless lists of possibilities in about a dozen different directions that I could go, but I have never moved on to action. After all, I will not dare to leave my job and throw myself headlong into the unknown, so what's the point of starting something?
- Wow, what a throw! I shook my head. - From the desk and fantasies - and straight into the abyss. If I had only one choice: write lists or quit my job for some unknown reason, I would not be able to make up my mind either. But the question is: who said that you have only two options?
- What else? Lane asked.
- What if we hold on to the current work, and for now test the waters?
There was a pause.
“I don't even understand what you mean,” the girl admitted.
- Forget about the leap into the unknown. After the work day is over, go in search of the information you need. Leave the familiar world and wander around the world that interests you. Find sites according to your interests; find out if there are any
conferences that you can attend. Ask your librarian to select specialized journals for your subjects and read them carefully. Find forums and communities, participate in discussions with people who are already in the topic. No risk and you can find out more about what attracts. You need to breathe a little real life into your lists and plans.
A lot of people (and especially scanners) get stuck for the same reasons as Lane. This is one of the worst jokes that our fears can play with us: we forget how many completely safe steps we can (and should!) Take before we burn bridges behind us.
You will object: "But if I don't rush forward, I'm afraid I will never budge." Well, you are wrong. Beautiful gestures work well in fantasy, but when it comes down to it, most of us are not so reckless. We have seen what happens to reckless people, or even experienced it first hand. Therefore, while the risk is great, we do not push ourselves to move - no, we force ourselves to do nothing at all .
Making lists and plans without up-to-date information is just a continuation of fantasies about “what to do”. Daydreaming with a pencil in hand over a piece of paper with plans is becoming a way of life for many scanners. In fact, it is a way of avoiding any action when the dream seems impossible. And completely different - real planning, with specific facts, tasks, deadlines. Such a plan is an action in itself.
So how do you go from writing down ideas to real action? Consider Lane as an example. One of her ideas: to create an online intermediary firm for recycling companies from small towns - a centralized information exchange, where they will receive information about technical innovations and legal framework, and possibly keep in touch with each other. The idea was born when Lane collaborated with one such venture and saw with her own eyes the lack of such an information structure.
“But I have plenty of other ideas too, completely different ones,” she said. - There are just too many of them!
“Let's discuss this first,” I suggested. - There is a great way to make a plan that will get you to act. Once you understand its principle in one example, you can apply it to everything else. Don't take it too seriously, rather treat it as a test drive. Okay?
"I'll try." She clearly hesitated, but nodded.
Action. The thought of him makes many of us numb. If you are a scanner and are convinced that for the sake of any action you will have to give up other aspirations, then your unwillingness to move forward is understandable. But, as you already know, no one demands such a choice from you. However, even understanding this intellectually, it is still difficult to start the engine and drive out of the gate.
Probably, you also faced the problem of which goal to choose first. I repeat over and over again: it doesn't matter which one. This is just a test of the pen. To learn how to bring a plan to life, you need to pick any right now and practice.
With the removal of this barrier, you may run out of excuses, but I know that many will still remain undecided and not ready to take the first step. Lane, however, has always prided herself on being rational.
- If I could put my plans in order, of course, I would move forward. But there are so many things to consider.
- Tell me, what do you think about it? - I handed her the letter that I received in the morning.
She put on her glasses.
Barbara!
These are my obstacles. What if I write a book and no one buys it? What if I offer my information retrieval services? But then you will have to go and “sell” yourself to different people, and I don't like to communicate, so I won't do it? What if no one buys my photos, because it's so easy for them to get lost in a sea of other photos? What if I learn to be a webmaster and the technology changes and I find myself out of work? I try to find myself a job that would suit me one hundred percent, but I get bogged down in all these "what if ...". I am paralyzed by the analytical mind - the very talent I was most counting on. What should I do?
Ed
Lane put the letter aside and looked at me.
- In my opinion, the guy winds himself up. You think I do the same, right? So even if I come up with a great plan, I'll still back down?
“I don't know,” I replied. - But look: you assume that you must definitely leave safe work and throw yourself into the abyss, and the risk is very high, right? So high that the first step seems impossible?
“Yes, I guess,” she said thoughtfully.
- Do not scold yourself for this. Goal movement is always scary. Most of us are ready to do anything to protect ourselves from this fear: “I want to work with animals, but I need to get a specialized education, so I will have to change my job to have time to study, but then there will not be enough money and I will have to look for cheaper housing, but I can't do it until I pay off the loans ... ”- and stuff like that. We build so many obstacles that we will never even have a small aquarium with a goldfish.
Lane smiled, and to cheer her up, I said, “Even the European Union is doing this,” I handed her a funny clipping from the Washington Post, which I had once kept. In the article by Robert Kaiser “Innovation will enable Finland to better envision its future. The economy offers a new model for old Europe, ”said:
Nowadays, said Himanen, a young Finnish intellectual, Europe resembles a once magnificent athlete out of shape. Instead of getting down to business, the athlete sits at the table and writes strategic plans for how to get her back: “I could run. I could swim. "
Sometimes it seems that this is the European logic: "When I get back in good shape, then I'll start practicing."
As she read the article, I thought about how difficult it is at times to move from reflection to action and how many reasons we find to avoid it. Of course, not only do scanners show the syndrome of "analytical paralysis", but their problem is multiplied by the number of targets.
Muriel. At the beginning of the week, I vowed to pick three top things I want to do before the end of the year. But these three things were constantly changing! Before I could look back, I had a list of eight main things. If it keeps growing, I won't do anything at all!
Ketchel. How much do we need to wring our hands, whine and pull before we find the strength to move towards the goal? Why do so many of us expect the impossible - as if every fleeting interest could turn into a high-paying career, and put it off until we figure out how to get practical benefit from it? What if we just did what we want, and mental confusion and anxiety would not interfere with us?!
Good question. So what's the problem?
Taking action is a big step
Human protective mechanisms are designed to forestall danger. This does not work for young children, so they need constant supervision. With age and experience, caution grows. Teenagers can be reckless, young people brave, but none of them pose the same threat to themselves as babies. The more you know about stumbling and falling, the more careful you walk.
This would be the answer to Ketchell's question if it were about real risk, but why are the same precautions included where there is not the slightest risk? Why does a person hesitate to write a novel or come up with a fashion line just for himself? Because, fully formed, the human defense mechanisms are activated every time you are about to step into the unknown. Defense mechanisms against bungee jumping - this makes common sense. But they are reluctant to have you sing in front of an audience in your living room. Why? It makes no sense anymore.
The defense mechanism is a powerful and primitive thing, he perceives everything new as a threat to survival. Whether our defense mechanisms are right or not, they work and affect our lives.
However, if you obey all the stupid prohibitions of defense mechanisms, then you will never do anything interesting at all. So, the new venture is not a threat, and you really want to start doing something. How to decide on the first steps? There is a practical three-step system that will miraculously overcome your momentum.
Three magic steps
If you're a crawler who only thinks but doesn't jump into action, here are three easy steps. Every time you need to act, follow them in sequence - and the result is guaranteed.
Step 1. Learn a new way of making plans (reverse planning block diagram), which will not replace action, but will push you to take real steps.
Step 2. Use this diagram to identify hidden fears that keep you from getting down to business so you can take action to reduce the danger.
Step 3. Set a real deadline for which you must be ready. At that time, you will meet with the person who provides you with stress-reducing support. The need to report will keep you moving forward even under stress.
These three steps, taken in a row, will transform you from a well-deserved planner and great dreamer to a person of action. They work great.
Let's see what Lane was able to accomplish with these three steps when she decided to start realizing a practical goal.
“In my experience,” I said, “acting is far less scary than constantly beating around the bush and not getting started.
“I do,” Lane nodded. - But I also know something else: it is unlikely that something sensible will turn out if you start without being prepared.
“Me too,” I assured her, and presented her with the first magical step - a reverse scheduling flowchart.
Reverse scheduling, success teams, and real deadlines
This is my version of the flowchart, I developed it when I was preparing my very first seminars in 1975. (This is in my first book, Dreaming Is Not Bad. Getting What You Really Want, which is still a success, thanks in part to the idea of a flowchart. A detailed description of the original reverse planning flowchart is also given in this book.)
I found that the charts and flowcharts used in various organizations are too complex to understand and use, so I started from scratch. I drew a circle, wrote the ultimate goal in it, and asked myself:
“Can I achieve this goal right now? If not, what should be done before that? "And she continued to draw circles with goals inscribed in there, working backward, asking herself the same two questions and re-adding task circles until I got to a step that could be taken immediately. To this circle, I brought a large arrow pointing to it with the inscription: "Now!"
The process of such planning pulled me out of my chair and made me take the first real steps towards the goal - and it was not an easy task. I was very proud of my idea. In addition, I was inspired by the thought that now I can break the dead end of anyone who is stuck on the way to the goal.
I put a small group together and we tried out the reverse planning flowchart. After choosing a simple topic - preparing an imaginary dinner party, I told them, “So, we need to organize a dinner for twelve people. Can we pull it off tomorrow night? If not, what should be done before that? "We drew a diagram on the chalkboard, noting to invite guests, purchase food, and prepare food first. To complete these steps, you need to find phone numbers and create a menu. Everything happened not only very fun, but also very simple - anyone could handle it. I saw that the scheme had a lot of potential, and I was eager to start using it. But when, back in 1976, I began to introduce this technique in the first seminars with "success teams", the reaction was not at all what I expected.
At first, the participants of the seminar spent several hours helping each other to find funny ways to achieve their goals. There was a lot of laughter, my head was spinning from the feeling that alluring opportunities were floating around. Everyone was having a great time and looking at me cheerfully, expecting to continue.
As planned, I said:
- Now let's get down to reality. I want each of you to set a goal and choose an approximate date when this goal will be achieved. Suppose you want to perform a song at an open mic night at a local club in three months.
Everyone listened with enthusiasm as I chalked a circle in the right corner of the board.
“To come to the club and sing,” I continued, “it takes a few things. You need permission from the club owner and you need to know how to sing, right?
The audience nodded, watching with interest as I draw arrows to two circles and write "permission" in one and "singing" in the second.
- Now, in order to get permission, you need to talk with the owner, - I drew another line and drew a new circle. - And to talk to the owner, you need to find a club. Can you find a club that hosts open mic nights?
Almost everyone nodded in the affirmative.
- Can it be done right tomorrow, or do you need to take some more steps? - I continued.
“It's easy,” one woman replied. - Look in the directory and select a club.
“Great,” I agreed. - So, we are finished with this line on the diagram. You have a step to take tomorrow. Now let's go back to the beginning and take a look at the second item you will need. To perform a song, you need to be able to sing.
As in the first case, moving in the opposite direction - from the goal to the very first step, I wrote out the entire path, including the need to find a teacher and choose a song.
When I finished, I saw that I had made a great impression on everyone, I seemed to the audience terribly smart, and I was very pleased with my excellent invention. Then I invited everyone to take a piece of paper and draw the same diagram for one of their purposes. In about twenty-five minutes. When the participants grabbed their pens, I began to look through my notes. A few minutes later, there was a sudden feeling that something strange was happening in the room. Looking up, I found that no one else was laughing or smiling. Moreover, nobody writes. I watched this for a minute, and then I asked:
- Something is wrong?
Everyone looked at me, their faces were alarmed - I felt terrible. Finally one woman raised her hand.
- It's not fun anymore. Begins to scare. The others nodded.
I realized that the listener was right. What I thought was a wonderful, rational way of moving from words to deeds turned out to be too powerful a medicine. It encouraged action where people still played the game.
I really did not want to lose the achieved momentum, and to relieve the tension, I told some funny stories that made the participants laugh. Then she divided them into teams of six and established: every evening they should call each other and meet with each other weekly. When they felt calmer, I showed them how to make the first steps very tiny and fearless, so that the fear finally recedes.
Note, I didn't tell them to “think positively” - I think it doesn't work. In the chapter “Scanner Panic,” we talked about this: to calm your fear, you need to reduce the level of danger.
As soon as the participants realized how small the first steps would be, and realized that each step will be accompanied by the support of the team, they stopped worrying. By the end of the seminar, everyone was again inspired by their ideas and looked forward to a new meeting with their teammates. Many years later, I still received letters from members of the first "success teams" about their remarkable accomplishments.
The lesson I learned that day I have never forgotten. There is a huge difference between making lists and plans in general - and actually scheduling any practical steps. It is not easy. It is always a shock to the system of your life. To keep moving forward, you will need many new techniques and tools.
For example, you must assign a due date for each milestone on the way to a goal. A calendar with no deadlines is like tennis without a net. (If no one else knows about the deadlines, there is a danger that you will ignore them.) Someone's support plus the need to report will create real deadlines. I will cite a letter that perfectly illustrates my point.
Before, I did not understand an important thing: support helps to overcome resistance. I was too isolated from other people. Now I see that my ups and downs are closely related to whether I had a support system at that time. I think being structured is the key to asking why I like the job. The salary is a kind of built-in motivator to help you concentrate, and the boss is a support system. All this motivates me to work.
I also really enjoyed the time I was in college full time. I think the main reason was that I had a schedule, had deadlines for assignments, and had a great support system. My best friend then also quit his job and went back to college, and every day we walked to class together, encouraged each other, listened to lectures together. In biology class, I joined a group that worked together (great thing!), We met at my place, and of course these people were a great support group.
Is there such support in your life? Every time I meet a person unable to budge, it is revealed that he was trying to draw out the entire plan alone.
We are not made for this. Left to ourselves, we often shy away from action and fool ourselves so as not to notice how we avoid them.
Isolation is fatal to dreams. It is impossible to move forward in isolation.
The workshops I mentioned above were designed precisely to create “success teams”. They turned out (and still are) extremely successful. When it comes to making your dreams come true, nothing beats weekly team meetings and support. If you are unable to join such a team or assemble your own, find a friend or coach and schedule regular meetings with them. The realization that there is someone who is waiting for news from you will relieve tension and force you to get down to business.
(Since we started talking about this, do not forget about the effectiveness of the calendar-diary. There you write down the visit to the dentist. Do not mark it on the calendar - the visit to the doctor will not take place. Add those there every meeting with a coach or with your friend. This is stimulating: you do not you will forget that you have to fulfill part of your plan, because by a certain day they are waiting for your report.)
I remember here a story from a long-standing seminar for three reasons. First, the reverse scheduling flowchart is a very useful tool, and telling how it came about is a good way to teach you how to use it. Second, you can dodge the action without even realizing it, and the reverse planning block diagram will shed light on your hidden fears (nothing is more successful in driving monsters into the light than a reverse planning session). Third, I want you to know that the prospect of immediate action - taking steps and setting real deadlines with your “success team” - will banish all fears. Talking about fears will not lead anywhere - only active action will dispel them.
Getting out of the impasse
So, just for the sake of experiment, draw a reverse planning pattern, going backwards from goal, step by step, until you get to what you can do tomorrow. It doesn't matter how small these first steps are.
While you draw circles and draw arrows, listen carefully to yourself. What are you experiencing? Do you like these first moves to break the deadlock? Or do you freeze to your chair from fear?
Let's see what happened to Lane when drawing up the diagram. She decided to practice her idea with processing plants.
“I'm not sure that this particular project should have been implemented in the first place,” she explained. - But you have to choose at least something, otherwise I won't start anything at all.
The next week, she spent three or four lunch breaks and afternoons, scouring the Internet for information on the topic and taking notes.
At another meeting, Lane said:
- I was already ready to make a PowerPoint presentation in order to feel businesslike and respectable, but then I realized that the notes in the notebook are no worse and this will create the right mood when I present the idea.
She also found the phone numbers of those she worked with when she volunteered for the city's recycling program, and set a tentative date on her calendar to meet at her home. Lane showed me her notes.
“Solid,” I said. - You can start.
“I don't know…” she replied. “I have serious doubts about this case.
- Why?
"It doesn't seem to matter to me as much as I thought." Lane tried not to look me in the eye.
- Do you have any concerns?
- No! - she exclaimed. - It's not about skydiving. Just a meeting at my house to talk.
I nodded in agreement.
- And you call the meeting. So, you will start by explaining what it is all about and what it is about?
“Well, yes,” her expression changed slightly. After a moment's silence, she continued:
- You know, they could have already figured out how to solve these problems. It would be pretty silly if it turns out that I don't know about it. It would be worth checking first. - She looked at me and added: - It seems that processing plants do not bother me anymore.
- But this is unexpected. What embarrassing moment are you presenting, Lane?
“Pretended they were looking at me like an idiot,” she admitted. - After all, I do not know these people very well, but they are all competent. And I? How will I look next to them?
- Well, hello ... Are you kidding? You know perfectly well that you are an intelligent and capable person. After all, you yourself have told me this more than once.
She chuckled weakly.
- I'm afraid. Who am I to them? An upstart from the side? What if they laugh at me? Jesus, I didn't even think about it.
- Are they such unpleasant people? Or from some closed club?
- Well no. Nice, friendly. Actually, that's why I was so actively involved in their program then. Oh, it seems that childhood has overtaken me. I mean, my fear is from there, from childhood. Well, you must! I am also afraid.
She looked much less tense now.
“You know, I think I should call one of them to help me with my plan. If we work together, I will have to finish everything. It's the same as friends come for you in the morning to take you out for a run - like it or not, you go.
Lane went through all three magical stages. She first used a reverse planning scheme to chart the first steps. Then her fears came out, and she made sense of them to find out their nature and reduce the danger. Then I moved on to the last point: I decided to cooperate with a friend in order to get support and report on progress towards real deadlines .
