How to Introspect Without Self-Deception

[Tomcat]

Self-analysis is not a picture from a disturbing art house movie. In fact, the concept of "self-analysis" includes not only unsuccessful dialogues and awkward scenes, but also the decisions that we make, attitudes and goals that we set ourselves. Often we cannot set goals correctly due to the fact that we consider ourselves better or worse than we really are.

Goal setting: what does self-deception have to do with it?
Self-deception is one of the forms of psychological protection of the individual. American psychoanalyst and psychotherapist Roy Schaefer in his work "New Language for Psychoanalysis" describes self-deception as a way of "unconscious protection" from unpleasant or shameful experiences (discoveries). Through self-deception, a person seeks to look better both in his own eyes and in the eyes of society. This is what prevents him from setting goals competently later.
Sometimes, in order to meet their own expectations and the views of society, a person takes an absolutely unfavorable position for himself: he begins to do what he does not like, takes on too difficult tasks, does not allow himself to stop and rest. By itself, "self-deception" is an unscientific expression, roughly like "toxicity." Under the label of self-deception, there are several different strategies for action.

Constant Employment Syndrome
When a person is immersed in work, and if he does not have the opportunity to work, he procrastinates. Such workaholism helps to distract from severe shocks (for example, from separation, illness, and loss of loved ones). “Work leaves no time for depression,” and it may not be enjoyable, but will simply eat up time in your life that would otherwise be filled with pain or anxiety.
How to deal with it? Recognize the source of real anxiety and face it. If the cause of this condition is stress, then you need to complete the stress cycle, go through it, like through a tunnel. You may need professional help.

Denial of reality
“I'm a good specialist, I don't need additional education, and it doesn't matter at all that my industry is constantly developing” - this is an example of denial of reality. Some people believe that admitting their own shortcomings or asking for new skills will make them less respected and lower their degree of professionalism. However, it is not.
Remember: by asking for help and admitting your own shortcomings, you open up new points of growth for yourself as an individual and a professional.

Rationalization
“If I liked this job, the results would be better, but for now I'm just gaining experience, and I can't find a better offer” - smacks of despair that any person can face. Someone will confidently step into the unknown and go in search of a new job, while someone less decisive (which is also normal!) Will explain their presence at the unloved job. Rationalization, like a lumpy film, wraps around unpleasant facts so that they do not stick out too much and injure us once again.

Projection
When a person blames for unpleasant circumstances not himself and external circumstances, but the people around him. “My parents told me to go to study as a doctor, and I wanted to become an illustrator for children's books” - something like this sounds a projection. But responsibility for a person's decisions will always lie with him, and often at the bottom of such self-deception lies the unwillingness to take it upon himself.

Breach of obligations "on credit"
For example, a person decides to run every morning, but skips workout, promising to catch up next time. Run twice as much, give up sweets "as a punishment." If he fails to fulfill a new commitment, he becomes frustrated. Often this condition arises from an initially high bar.
It is important to set goals and objectives for yourself, focusing only on your own state, without looking back at other people's attitudes.
Inspired by the goal itself, a person begins to live in an ideal picture and forgets about real actions. Robin Tanner, a marketing professor at the University of Wisconsin School of Business, said that people imagine their future as ideal and believe that someday they will have much more time and energy to get it done. They are waiting for the right moment, but it may not come, because the person himself has not taken a single step towards it.
In the process of self-deception, a person not only falls into an illusory world, but also creates an imaginary better version of himself. As a result, he does not accept his real self, does not listen to himself, sets false goals, does not enjoy work and does not seek to realize himself.
A qualitative analysis of oneself begins with the recognition of one's true desires, and not imposed from the outside or constructed in accordance with an ideal picture. To achieve your goals, you need to drop illusions and work with yourself in the present. Therefore, first of all, you need to learn not to deceive yourself.

How to stop kidding yourself
Refusing self-deception is a long-term job, which in some cases requires the help of a psychotherapist. However, the first steps towards finally getting rid of this habit can be done on your own.

1. Begin to notice the moments when you are lying to yourself. Are you really not going to workout because you don't have time, or you just don't want to? If the latter, then what is the reason for this reluctance? Perhaps you need rest and the body signals this, or perhaps you need to change your training program and not kill yourself with cardio.
2. Accept the possibility that you are not perfect (and no one is perfect). You have not only strengths, your weaknesses are your points of growth, and there is no need to try to crush and hide them.
3. Ask yourself the questions "What do I want?" and "What am I missing to implement?" as often as possible. For example, you want to get a promotion at work, but you lack certain skills. Then it is worth discussing with your manager the possibility of training to improve your qualifications.
4. Think over different scenarios for the development of events. Sometimes a person deceives himself because he is afraid of negative consequences. Think about what the worst can happen in a given situation and how you will act - either you will understand that life will not end even in the worst scenario of events, or you will come up with a plan B.
5. Be less critical of yourself. If you are prone to excessive self-criticism, then self-deception is a defense against yourself. For example, if you are out of your diet, think not about how to scold yourself, but how to compensate for the "accidentally" eaten cake.
6. Admit it if you take on too much. The ability to say no is an important skill and a tool for happiness. Some of us strive to take on more than we can bear. Ask yourself: Do you have the time or energy to take on the task? Can you see it through to the end?
7. Don't ignore your own feelings. If you are experiencing anxiety, sadness, discomfort, notice them and look for reasons. For example, if these feelings arise at work, it may be a signal that your team is not communicating well or that you are performing tasks that are not entirely suitable for you.

Even if a person creates his own illusory world, he will eventually collapse. Because of self-deception, people find themselves out of place in their personal life and at work, which, in turn, inhibits the development process and does not allow building a suitable development trajectory. Only by shedding illusions and accepting your shortcomings can you grow personally and professionally.