How to get rid of envy?

[Brother]

• "My friend has a good husband, and I still wear girls ..."
• “Petya and I studied at the same faculty, with the same teachers. Petya became a top manager, and I have been teaching computer science to schoolchildren for three years now ... "
• "Olesya has a chocolate bar with strawberries, but I don't have ..."

And much, much more comes out of the mouths of people of different ages, different sexes, different nationalities, cultures, confessions, etc. daily, hourly, every minute, or does not come out, but remains in the head, but it is necessarily generated. Yes, believe me, if you noticed envy of other people, and you felt ashamed (or not), you are not alone in your way. This feeling is universal.

Scientists from different countries who have studied the feeling of envy have identified several important and interesting facts:

• Envy is a social feeling. It is associated with decision making, memory, analysis of faces, gestures, information.
• Young people are the social group most susceptible to this feeling. But with age, this feeling dulls.
• Envy is mostly of the same sex. It is rare when a man is jealous of a woman or a woman is a man. In addition, as a rule, we envy peers of the same sex.
• Jealousy, like most other negative emotions, causes a variety of health problems.

Let's figure out what envy is, why it occurs, what it happens and how to get rid of it. By the way, if you are interested in observing your mental state, controlling it and consciously approaching your emotions, we recommend that you go through our online program "Psychic Self-Regulation", where in exciting lessons for 20-30 minutes a day you will become a real emotional guru, get rid of apathy, excitement and fear.

Envy - what kind of infection is this?​

Ushakov's dictionary offers the following definition of envy: "The feeling of annoyance caused by the superiority, well-being of another, the desire to have what the other has." As you can see from the definition, envy is, first of all, a negative feeling, it is “annoyance”. And this is the first reason why you shouldn't abuse it.

By the way, we would probably dispute the second part of Ushakov's definition. This unpleasant feeling does not always arise from the lack of what others have. Envy can also arise in the case of possession of an object. However, it becomes unpleasant precisely because another person possesses the same object. This is understandable, since in such a state of affairs, a person is deprived of that exclusivity, individuality, which made him stand out against the background of those around him.

An important point: envy does not arise from scratch. It is always based on comparison, comparison. Only by comparing ourselves with someone else, we can conclude: are we happy or not, satisfied with our life, ourselves or not.

Now let's trace what types of envy exist, analyze this feeling.

Colors and forms of envy​

You probably know that envy is divided into black and white. With black envy, we experience negative emotions, get angry and indignant that someone's life is better, although often we do not even try to honestly answer the question: "Do I need this?" Indeed, sometimes something bright, colorful, catchy beckons, drowning out the mind, only one “want” appears, but in fact, this object does not carry any fundamental value.

Black envy arises when others are "to blame" for our failures, failures, when we shift responsibility for our lives to others. Most often people who suffer from it are passive, lazy, procrastinating. However, it also happens that perfectionists who achieve success "get sick" with envy , but never admit it and are in a state of "race" all their lives, because you can always do better ...

White envy differs from black envy, first of all, in that we are able to realize and accept our feeling. Another fundamental difference is the absence of a negative message, because with white envy, there is no irritation or anger. We calmly accept and live with the fact that someone has something more. White envy is a sign of a spiritually developed, full-fledged personality, tk. it is synonymous with light admiration. And who said that admiring others is forbidden?

Speaking about envy from the outside, let us single out the forms of its manifestation:

• stinging jokes;
• criticism;
• online criticism (as a more aggressive and less responsible form of criticism);
• boredom of the interlocutor, unwillingness to discuss your successes and victories;
• negative perception of pans, ideas, initiatives that interest you, etc.

In the Christian religion, envy is among the seven deadly sins. However, let's think: is the devil as scary as he is painted? Maybe there is something good too?

Is envy always a bad thing?​

Of course, black envy is terrible. This is a destructive message that destroys your energy. Think for yourself: you start to envy, you are indignant, a feeling of inferiority ripens inside you , because you are “worse than others”, you feel ashamed of your envy, you lose heart, and the desire to create, create, conquer something turns off. But understand: this very message is a storehouse of energy, a powerful impulse that can charge and inspire. Hence the conclusion: envy can be used.

If you try to see a constructive character in this feeling, it turns out that envy carries a serious energy potential. So, our basic advice is to use envy for the sake of competition, to be charged with the feeling “I want to have the same and the same!”, To benefit and benefit from this emotion. Envy is an impulse to action, a challenge to oneself, an engine of progress to some extent. Therefore, be able to direct this feeling in the right direction.

However, don't get carried away. Here there is a high probability of transition of gambling interest into imitation. Don't lose your uniqueness.

What if black envy overcomes you without the possibility of its correct use? Next, let's take a look at tips to get rid of this unpleasant feeling:

Stop comparing yourself to others​

You have your own life, your own path, your life circumstances and events. You are walking on an unbeaten road, and who knows, maybe one day the road will lead you to where you will be the best in the world? Then no person can be the object of your envy. And this is not important, because for such a conclusion you will again have to compare, measure. But our advice still sounds like this: do not compare! Strive for the best and only compare yourself to yourself. This is the best option at any given time.

"I have many merits!"​

And it's true, everyone has them. Yes, someone, maybe, sings like a nightingale, someone plays basketball more abruptly than LeBron James, and someone makes an amazing pasta. But you also definitely have a talent that can be envied. Ask yourself: "What is worthwhile in me?" What am I capable of, what am I inclined to do? If you find it difficult to answer this question, we offer you two options:

First, start doing something that attracts you, and learn to do it. This is an occasion to acquire new skills, to reveal your potential, to achieve success. And secondly, go through our online program " Self-knowledge" in order to better understand yourself, reveal your merits and set points for development.

Fond Memories Ribbon​

There have definitely been times in the past when you felt good, were happy, and didn't need anything more. Remember them more often - it's like an ointment on the wound of envy, because when we remember something good, we plunge into this moment, resentment and annoyance disappear, positive emotions take the place of negative ones. You can even write down or draw this moment on a piece of paper so that concentration increases and thoughts materialize.

Love your enemy​

Now let's do a little psychological procedure. Remember who you were jealous of the last time, mentally imagine this person and admire him. Give him something pleasant, please him, smile at him without falsehood, hypocrisy. Give him positive emotions, even if you think that he is not worthy of it. This helps a lot to raise self-esteem, look more dignified in your eyes, appear as a benefactor, and, accordingly, get rid of envy.

We also offer you to think, is everything really good with this person? Maybe everything is not so cloudless for him, and in reality it is he who has reasons to envy you, and not vice versa?

Take action​

An obvious fact: the one who does what he loves, the one who feeds on the energies of his ideas, future anticipated successes, the one who achieves victories, he has fewer reasons for envy. Work hard, work on yourself. If someone succeeds in something, look at it from a positive point of view: I can do it too, I can, I can learn. Describe in detail your plan for achieving the desired result, think over as many small things as possible, accept mistakes and learn from them. Distract your mind, don't let it get littered with other people's stories. Set yourself up for action, not procrastination.

These are the tips we recommend to implement in your life to get rid of envy. And we also recommend watching this video with a recording of the conversation of psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky:

Conclusion​

Catherine II was a wise ruler, famous for her sharp mind and strategic thinking. The Empress carried out many reforms, thanks to which the Russian Empire became one of the great cultural powers in the world. She owns the phrase: "He who is envious and desires this and that, he will not wait for fun." Agree, there is some wisdom here ...

Let's continue the phrases indicated at the beginning of the article:

• “My friend has a good husband, but I still wear girls. But I have great taste in clothes. I'll dress up tomorrow, put on my makeup and go for a walk in the park! "
• “Petya and I studied at the same faculty, with the same teachers. Petya became a top manager, and I have been teaching computer science to schoolchildren for three years. We urgently need to find something of our own. I'll sign up for a drawing course, it's not for nothing that I painted all my notebooks in the same pairs ... And I'll call Petya tomorrow and ask how he is. Nice guy, though. "
• "Olesya has a chocolate bar with strawberries, but I have no ... But my dress is the most beautiful and I recite my poems in such a way that all my relatives clap their hands!"

You can study a lot of literature on psychology on the topic of getting rid of certain habits, qualities, emotions, but the main thing is to learn to accept life as it is, learn to love yourself and strive for harmony of the inner self and the world around us. When you learn to appreciate what has been given here and now, to rejoice for what has been given to others, then there will be negligible reasons for envy, if not at all.

We wish you every success!