How to communicate with manipulators

[Brother]

Any dialogue bears signs of manipulation. People convince each other or induce action, achieve their goals, compromise. The only difference is that there is mutually beneficial manipulation, and there is malicious. In this article, we will discuss strategies for communicating specifically with malicious manipulators. That is, those whose main goal is to achieve their goal by infringing on another person. If you succumbed to the influence of a manipulator and feel depressed, then you were dealing with malicious manipulation.

What is malicious manipulation? According to Professor Len Bowers, such a strategy occurs when a person uses deception, coercion, cunning, fear, or guilt in order to get what he wants.

This is how Dr. Gariet Breaker defines a manipulator:

1. He feels the need to get what he wants and ideally make the person lose. That is, he receives satisfaction not only from his own victory, but also from the defeat of another person.
2. He wants to have power over any person and to use it.
3. Wants to feel in control of the situation and people. When he doesn't get what he wants, he becomes irritable and resembles a child.

According to Dr. George Simon, it is common for manipulators to exhibit these behaviors:

• They hide some of the truth. This is the most sophisticated form of lying, because if you get only part of the truth and the other part is deliberately hidden, then you cannot draw the right conclusions. And if you point out to the manipulator that he is deceiving you, he counters it with the words: "I did not lie, I just hid part of the truth" or "I did not know that this part of the truth was important to you."
• Shy away from answers. The reason is that when you want to find the rational grain in their words, you understand that it is not there. Therefore, you will not get a direct answer to a direct question.
• They deny it. They do not admit that they are being manipulated.
• They wag. They can always find an excuse for their behavior.
• They play on feelings of guilt. If you are guilty of something (even a few years ago), they will remember it and demand concessions.
• They are ashamed. And as a rule, even in what they themselves like to do.
• They portray the victim. This is a favorite technique of manipulators - they play around the situation in such a way that they present you as a manipulator.

It should also be said that manipulators are very conflicted people. Even in situations where they are met, they may not be completely satisfied with something. They use their techniques more for psychological gratification than for achieving real goals.

Identify your weaknesses​

Manipulators know how to notice weaknesses and put pressure on them. George Simon identified the following traits that are easy to manipulate:

• You have a strong desire to please other people without your own gain.
• You do not believe that other people can manipulate and harm you.
• You find reasons to forgive others for their behavior.
• You have low self-esteem and self - confidence.
• You are emotionally dependent on others.

Be extremely honest with yourself, note your personality traits and think about what you can do with them. Typically, many problems go away after you raise your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Establish a potential manipulator​

Not all people are chronic manipulators, so identify those who do. Mindfulness is the first step in avoiding manipulation.

Pay attention to people who:

• They want everything to always be the way they want.
• Do not accept the word "no".
• They will stop at nothing to get what they want.
• Making excuses, not apologizing for their behavior.
• They often make you feel guilty.
• All people behave differently, each time "putting on a new face" to satisfy an immediate need.

Learn the habits and techniques of the manipulator and ponder how to resist this influence. Sometimes a simple phrase that you noticed his manipulation is enough.

Be assertive​

When you are being manipulated, a developed assertiveness will help you not to succumb to manipulation - this means thinking about your own interests and at the same time respecting others.

To begin with, be aware of how the other person views the situation. Then express your needs directly so you can stay where you are and not give up.

Always ask yourself whether it is beneficial for you to succumb to the influence of this person or not. If not, be clear about it. As a rule, the manipulator does not even think about the benefit of the other person, so he will not have anything to say in return.

Define and set personal boundaries​

Think about what concessions you should make and why. If you have a loved one in front of you, it may be worth doing what he asks for. But be sure that your help will not harm him in the future.

Act differently with a stranger. Make it clear that you will not give in to him at some point until he offers something useful in return. If you see that the person has nothing to offer you, then end the conversation.

Stay focused​

Manipulators strike exactly at the moment when you are unsettled, behave unconsciously and react on autopilot. They feel your weakness and put pressure on these points. Don't let them distract you and throw you off balance. Sometimes losing your control is enough for you to start losing ground.

Remember that the first step to avoiding manipulation is realizing that you are being manipulated. Stay in a state of awareness and be aware of how you are feeling in this moment. We wish you good luck!