How do you get you to do what you don't want to do?

[Teacher]

Are you sure you are in complete control of yourself? You make decisions yourself, what to buy, to whom to do a favor, what to spend your free time on? No matter how it is! There are many sly people around. They deftly manage even very obstinate and wayward people. The "victims" do not notice how they are hooked.

Mind manipulation techniques are becoming more sophisticated and less visible. Occasionally a person realizes that he has become the object of deliberate "influence". He is annoyed, but by this time it is usually impossible to correct the mistake.

Business leaders, leaders of political parties, advertising and marketing specialists, salespeople, and television authors are actively mastering the skill of influence. How do they manage to "hypnotize" us?

We are predictable

We almost always act, think and feel in the usual way, we react in the same way to similar stimuli. It is natural for us to respond with a greeting to a greeting, to shake a hand if it is extended, to take an object when it is given. We experience approximately the same feelings when we come to work every morning, say hello to colleagues, turn on the computer.

The more life experience we acquire, the more perfect and more diverse the automatic programs “built-in” in us become. Young mothers instantly catch babies when they fall. Drivers effortlessly maneuver on the road.

In most cases, this is beneficial for us. We do not think about how to get up, sit down, open our eyes, step over a puddle. For each action, our subconscious mind uses the optimal method that does not need to be reinvented.

In addition, we are accustomed to automatically believing the stereotypical statements that society “broadcasts”: “Beauties live easily,” “genius scientists are helpless in everyday life,” “an expensively dressed person is rich”.

It takes a good reason (stress, difficulty) to focus and think, "What am I doing?"

So, in most cases, we behave in a predictable manner. Our reaction to this or that stimulus is easy to calculate. "Professionals of influence" deftly take advantage of this.

Let's talk about the ways in which they can control us.

1. "Play on contrast."

Our psyche has a peculiarity: by simultaneously observing objects or phenomena with opposite qualities (big-small, hot-cold, beautiful-unsightly, expensive-cheap), we exaggerate the difference between them.

For a reason, sellers discuss with us at first the purchase of an expensive item, for example, a laptop. Only later, when we have already made a decision on the purchase, they will offer to additionally choose: a wireless mouse, a case, a stand. The cost of small items, compared to the price of a computer, seems insignificant.

The "Principle of Contrast" works not only on prices. Some realtors, for example, before showing the client a room that meets his requirements, first demonstrate 2-3 unsuitable options. When the buyer finally sees the apartment or office that he wanted, then he is less likely to find fault with minor flaws or look for "something better."

The principle of comparison also works in personal matters. One woman cleverly played in contrast, making excuses to her husband. She came home late from a corporate party. Before that, the frivolous lady completely forgot to warn her husband that she would be late. The husband called his life friend on her mobile more than 20 times. She did not hear signals due to loud music.

Having finally come home, our heroine said to her husband: “You will never forgive me! A terrible thing happened! I will understand if you decide to divorce. "She then calmly recounted the true reason for her lateness. As a result, the husband did not even scold his beloved: he felt relieved from his heart.

2. Transfer of the message: “So it is accepted. Everybody does it. "

When we are not completely sure of what is permissible for us "in unfamiliar territory" and what is not, interested parties can easily take us by surprise and force us to play by their "rules." To do this, it will be enough for them to say: "Everybody does this here."

In work teams, it is quite common to find employees who behave like leaders without real authority to do so. They get their colleagues to report to them, even though they don't have to. Their colleagues think at the same time: "He confidently demands that I report the situation to him, which means he has the right to do so."

Parents of children attending kindergartens, schools and developing studios find themselves in a similar situation. Employees of institutions dictate conditions to them, which are often unlawful. Parents may be required, for example, to pay the full cost of benefits that will be given to students for use at a time. There are also situations when mothers are not given the opportunity to be in the premises where children are engaged, although the pupils may still be very small. In their pure form, such "rules" are outrageous. But when "it is supposed to", parents are forced to make a decision to obey.

The game "Everybody does it" is often used in product promotion. Notice how the “bestseller” or “bestseller of the year” labels have a profound impact on customers.

3. Communication on behalf of the authority.

It matters to us who exactly gives us the information. If the information we receive comes from an authoritative source, we trust it without hesitation. Experiments were carried out at US universities: eminent professors deliberately made mistakes in their lectures. It never occurred to the students to check whether the information given by the teacher was true.

It is also known that several plane crashes occurred due to the fact that pilots misunderstood the instructions of their superiors. In their haste to carry out the order, they did not try to critically assess whether it was true.

4. Space management.

“Masters of Influence” attach great importance to the environment in which negotiations are conducted.

If we enter the office of a senior executive, then, as a rule, we see a spacious room with a large table and a "throne chair". Numerous certificates and medals adorn the walls. Such a room literally "forces" to endow its occupant with significant authority and authority.

The “master of influence” can put his visitor on a chair lower than his own. Thus, he will automatically make the guest feel lower in status.

You will feel differently depending on where you are in relation to the other person.

It is not for nothing that business negotiations are often held on neutral territory and in comfortable conditions - in restaurants, hotels, entertainment centers, and tourist centers.

5. Transmission of signals through posture, body movements, gestures, facial expressions.

The "behavior" of the body conveys much more information to others than spoken words. "Masters of influence" easily "read", which means the posture of the interlocutor and monitor their own movements. Actors on stage do not need to talk to express a particular emotion. Influencers are also good at talking without words. For example, they may abruptly move away from you and cause feelings of anxiety, "What's wrong?" With quick, hasty movements, they force us to rush. Or, on the contrary, they can calm down if they take a relaxed pose.

6. Voice control.

Here is an example of the influence of the voice on the audience: if the president of a country starts talking hastily, it will violate his authority. Each word of the head of state must sound weighty and impressive.

The slower and louder a person speaks, the more significant they are perceived to be.

Here's an example of skillful voice manipulation. This story was told by the personal driver of a lady who held a high position in a large corporation. When he first started working with the "lady boss", he played the music loudly out of habit. The boss did not ask him to turn down the sound. She just spoke to the driver in a very low voice. In order to hear her orders, he eventually stopped playing music altogether.

7. "Chatting".

Milton Erickson, an American psychiatrist, revealed that if you behave outside the box, “break” a familiar pattern of behavior, the interlocutor will momentarily enter a trance state. To do this, you can, for example, refuse to respond to a handshake, turn away, or do any other action that is not expected of you. The interlocutor will then experience severe discomfort. At this moment, he will be ready to do everything in order to "come to his senses", including - to fulfill the requirement. This is the basis of the phenomenon of "Ericksonian hypnosis", which is used by gypsies and street crooks.

Fraudsters amplify the trance by "chatting" the victim. As a rule, they do it together. At first, criminals repeat "truisms" - statements with which one cannot but agree: "All mothers want their children to be healthy", "We are always afraid of the unknown at the beginning", "It is better to be kind." Manipulators ask the same questions many times, repeat the same statements in different ways, while constantly touching the “victim”. In this way, they bring the listener into a trance state in which he is ready to obey. Reception is very short-lived. After a few minutes, the "client" realizes that he made a mistake.

8. Reminder of "debt".

Most of us feel obligated to be grateful. If we are treated with a favor, we feel we must pay back in kind. Robert Cialdini, in his book The Psychology of Influence, spoke about an interesting experiment. One of the employees, communicating with a barely familiar colleague, left the office and returned with two bottles of cola: "I bought another one for you." A little later, he asked his partner to buy lottery tickets from him. Almost all of the subjects complied with his request. Note here that:

- the cost of purchased tickets was several times higher than cola;

- the subjects were not asked to buy a drink for them;

- not all partners liked the experimenter.

The sense of duty to repay dulls over time if we do not pay back the debt right away.

9. Explanation of the reason.

Robert Cialdini described an interesting experience in his book. The girl asked to skip her queue to the copier. It turned out that more than 70% of the subjects agreed to give in to her. For this, it was enough for the experimenter to explain why she was in a hurry. Moreover, it turned out that people skipped the girl out of line, even if after the words “because” she uttered a phrase that did not contain new information: “Skip me out of line, because I need to make several copies.”

10. The game "from a small concession to a major one."

It's natural for us to be consistent. If we have successfully made one purchase in the store, we will tend to come back here again. If we conceded once to a specific person in a small matter, then in the near future we will more easily meet him halfway in large ones.

Using the “principle of consistency,” one religious sect once recruited many young girls. The "manipulators" politely addressed the "victims" on the street with a request: "Let me ask you a question." Many girls answered positively. The sectarians were interested in: "How do you feel about the fact that now many couples live together without registering a marriage?" The girls expressed their point of view and were immediately invited to a 15-minute conversation about the relationship between a man and a woman. This was followed by an invitation to a lengthy seminar. So the "victim" was gradually "pulled" into the web, from which it was no longer so easy to get out.

How to resist manipulation

We are exposed to someone else's influence because of our own negative emotions: fear, guilt, envy, shame. When a person is in a harmonious relationship with himself, fraudsters have nothing to "catch on". High self-esteem is an excellent means of self-defense against other people's manipulations.

How else can we work on ourselves so that scammers cannot deceive us?

1. Trust your intuition. In everyday life, we are used to relying on common sense. But if they are already trying to manipulate us, reason can fail. But a quiet inner voice will actively sound the alarm: "I don't want to do this!" Intuition communicates with our consciousness in the language of feelings, emotions. For example, we may decide to give in to the interlocutor's requests and feel irritated, annoyed, and angry at the same time. You should pay attention to negative feelings and think about why they have arisen.

2. Train mindfulness. Mentally, at least 3-4 times a day, try to ask the questions: "What is happening?", "Why am I sitting in this position?", "Why am I worried", "What is wrong?" like this person? "

3. Think and act out of the box. Those who behave predictably find it easier to manage. Expand the "menu" of your reactions to the same "stimuli". Use different forms of greetings. Come up with new topics for family conversations. As rarely as possible, ask your friends the question that has set you on edge: "How are you?" Ask more specifically: "Do you allow yourself a weekend now?", "Have your children already noticed what an extraordinary mother they have?" Try to replace the standard answer "Good!" to something new, for example: "Things are going so that a well-fed cat will envy!"

4. Set goals. Write down everything you strive for, more often look at the coveted list. Let it, like a compass, "prompt" whether you have deviated from your plans. High-class manipulators achieve their goal, as they think over every step in the "hunt for a victim" in advance. However, you can easily beat them if you have your own plan for tomorrow. To-do and shopping lists can help you politely refuse to do things you don't want to do.

5. Pause before making a decision. "Professionals of influence" often rush "victims", creating an artificial "time pressure". Don't be confused. Make decisions in a relaxed atmosphere, alone with yourself.

6. Allow yourself to be denied. "Don't be afraid to be impolite!" - so this advice was formulated by André Maurois in the book "Letters to a Stranger". The writer spoke about how a man turned to an elderly surgeon for help only because he did not want to offend him and “go over” to other specialists. The doctor no longer held the scalpel as confidently as in his youth. The "courteous" patient died on the operating table.

Maurois also shared the story of how a too soft and trouble-free young man married a girl he did not love. For this, the bride had enough to throw herself on his neck and say: "I always knew that you love me."

By allowing ourselves to be "disrespectful", we can save ourselves from many troubles and misunderstandings. In order to refuse, you do not need to invent a reason. It is enough to simply answer: "No!" You can soften the refusal slightly: "I can't do it!"

By doing good at our own will, we become happier. However, “sacrificing” your own time and interests is always bad. If you feel that you are being deliberately forced to play by someone else's rules, stop. Think about whether you can afford to give an overly generous "gift" to the manipulator? Is it within your means?

In preparing the article, materials were used from the books by A. Maurois "Letters to a Stranger", Adamchik VF "The Manipulator. Secrets of Successful Manipulation", Robert Cialdini "The Psychology of Influence"