Key ideas
Summary
Emotional intelligence helps manage the communication process.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the ability to identify and control your emotions, to accurately determine how other people are feeling, and by your behavior to consciously influence their emotional state.
Being aware of your emotions is the first step to controlling them.
A key component of EQ is self-awareness: first of all, you need to be aware of your own emotions. Emotions are interpretations of feelings, and feelings are associated with an incentive, or motivational, system. In general, the mechanism of action is as follows: when we succeed in achieving our goal, we are good, and when we fail, it is bad. It is emotions that help us choose the right line of behavior, they let us know how close we are to the goals set by the internal motivational system. Emotions cannot be ignored, nor can they be given too much importance. Misinterpreting emotions leads to mistakes. For example, because of your morning quarrel with someone from your family, you indulge in despondency at work all day, but you interpret this feeling as dissatisfaction with the progress of your current project.
Manage your emotions by extracting information from them and take action.
“Managing your emotions” means learning to draw information from your emotional state. Once you have defined your feelings precisely, try to understand what they are talking about. One young man lived under stress for a long time, thinking that this was due to a large amount of responsibility. After analyzing his emotions, he came to the conclusion that the reason lies in dissatisfaction with the choice of profession and disappointment. Realizing and accepting his feelings, the young man began to look for other ways of professional realization, without spending energy on improving performance in his current position. In a new place, you have to work no less, but work brings joy.
Remain calm in conflict situations and improve relationships by exhausting conflict.
Any conflict provokes the emergence of negative emotions. Don't fight them. Try to side with your opponent and understand the motives of his behavior. Do not pay attention to the form of his statements; think about the content behind the words. Admit to yourself that you also contributed to the conflict situation; think about which one. “Reframe negative thoughts” to express your emotions without judging the other side. You can only control your reactions, but your behavior will certainly influence your opponent's emotions. Remain calm and polite, even if he is being aggressive and disrespectful. When you're not being listened to, draw attention to your ideas and arguments by calling the other person by name and asking direct questions. If the other person has lost control of himself, pause and then continue the conversation.
After experiencing an emotional breakdown, do not try to forget about it as soon as possible. On the contrary, analyze your feelings, think about what led you to explosive reactions, what your values were threatened. Treat yourself with compassion and empathy, just like your best friend would. If you've lost your composure, don't just apologize, but describe your emotions - it will help you rebuild and improve your relationship with the one you hurt.
Exercise your emotional intelligence on a daily basis in constructive interactions with coworkers and employees.
Business communication is often limited to correspondence. Consider the hierarchy of its participants to prevent misinterpretation of your message - in letters from the authorities, people tend to see criticism where there is none. The length and nature of the relationship is also important: the better you know the addressee, the more positively they will react to your message. Do not forget about personal qualities - a pessimist is more likely to see threatening prospects in a neutral text. It is generally helpful to imagine yourself as the recipient of the letter. If the style of writing (emoticons or their absence, speech turns) resembles the style of the addressee, he will trust you more. In order to avoid misunderstandings, try to give your emotions unambiguous wording.
For a successful negotiation, contain your emotions and express them consciously in accordance with your goals.
The manifestation of feelings in negotiations harms the achievement of agreements on mutually beneficial terms. The following strategies will help you deal with unnecessary emotions.
Be aware of the potential for cognitive biases when making an important decision.
Decision making in organizations is largely determined by subconscious processes. First, there is a "pattern recognition" in the situation that has arisen, then - a response to the "emotional associations" caused by these patterns. Sometimes, under the influence of cognitive distortions, these processes fail. There are three factors that can lead to a distortion of the perception of responsible persons: 1) personal interest, 2) emotional attachment, 3) disorienting memories. (In the latter case, it seems that the current situation is very similar to the experience in the past, and the fundamental differences are not captured.)
Develop your emotional intelligence as a leader.
Respect for subordinates is the key to their respectful attitude towards the leader. Conduct an anonymous survey and, based on employee feedback, identify your strengths and weaknesses. Work on your flaws. Seek help from a professional coach who will analyze the reasons for your inappropriate behavior. Build your team's support by asking colleagues to celebrate your progress. Keep a diary describing the situations that triggered your emotional reactions. Pay attention to the time of day when this happens: For one leader, diary entries helped to realize that negative emotions take possession of him only in the evenings. Since then, he has been engaged in resolving conflict situations in the first half of the day, and in the second, he especially carefully controls his words and actions. Remember,
Authors
The collection includes the works of professors and researchers from the Business School and School of Medicine of Harvard University, Stanford Business School, Wharton Business School of the University of Pennsylvania, McComes Business School of the University of Texas, Dartmouth Business School, George Mason University, Brandyce International Business School Georgetown University, Foster Business School of Washington University, Northwest Kellogg School of Management, Soder Business School of the University of British Columbia, Rutgers University, European Institute of Business Administration (INSEAD) in France, Center for Strategic Management in Ashridge (UK); psychologists, coaches, consultants, journalists, authors of books on psychology, business, management and motivation, including Daniel Goleman, Susan David, Manfred Kets de Vries, Annie McKee.
- Emotional intelligence helps manage the communication process.
- Being aware of your emotions is the first step to controlling them.
- Manage your emotions by extracting information from them and take action.
- Remain calm in conflict situations and improve relationships by exhausting conflict.
- Exercise your emotional intelligence on a daily basis in constructive interactions with coworkers and employees.
- Express your emotions in a mindful way, in line with your goals, for a successful negotiation.
- Be aware of the potential for cognitive biases when making an important decision.
- Develop your emotional intelligence as a leader.
Summary
Emotional intelligence helps manage the communication process.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the ability to identify and control your emotions, to accurately determine how other people are feeling, and by your behavior to consciously influence their emotional state.
Researchers believe that EQ can be developed regardless of age. American psychologist Daniel Goleman argues that first you need to collect objective data - to learn about your strengths and weaknesses in the emotional sphere from a person who inspires confidence. Then you need to develop a personal development plan and find a partner to whom you can turn for advice on how best to act in a given situation. Goleman identifies five components of EQ, based on which you can outline the main directions of your development: 1) self-awareness, 2) managing your behavior, 3) motivation, 4) empathy, and 5) social skills.
Elhonon Goldberg, professor of neuroscience at New York University, is convinced that the best results in the development of EQ are achieved by “emotionally gifted people” who have a genuine interest in the experiences and worldview of others. Such people should pay special attention to the development of EQ; they make the most effective leaders. Hirotaka Takeuchi of Hitotsubashi University in Tokyo notes that when improving your EQ, you should not avoid conflicts. He calls for solving difficult situations at the place of their occurrence, where the work process is carried out - on the gemba, as the Japanese say.
Being aware of your emotions is the first step to controlling them.
A key component of EQ is self-awareness: first of all, you need to be aware of your own emotions. Emotions are interpretations of feelings, and feelings are associated with an incentive, or motivational, system. In general, the mechanism of action is as follows: when we succeed in achieving our goal, we are good, and when we fail, it is bad. It is emotions that help us choose the right line of behavior, they let us know how close we are to the goals set by the internal motivational system. Emotions cannot be ignored, nor can they be given too much importance. Misinterpreting emotions leads to mistakes. For example, because of your morning quarrel with someone from your family, you indulge in despondency at work all day, but you interpret this feeling as dissatisfaction with the progress of your current project.
If your mood gets worse, try to understand “how you are feeling and why”. If you are overwhelmed by anxiety, anger, or are under stress, retreat for 5-10 minutes and focus on your breathing. Breathe slowly, it will calm you down and clear your thoughts. Think back to recent events. When you think of which one do you get unpleasant feelings again? Most likely, it is this that is the source of negativity. Once you understand what the problem is, think about what you need to do to solve it. You should not immediately put your plan into practice - at first, calm down completely.
Be specific about your emotions. The richer your vocabulary of emotions, the easier it will be for you to understand what you are feeling and what is the source of those feelings. Take your time to give your experience the first definition that comes to mind; pick up a few more. If you think you are feeling angry, it may actually be intense irritation or disgust. “Sadness” can be disappointment, longing, regret, pessimism, and “joy” - a feeling of gratitude, self-confidence, delight. Consider the intensity of your emotions: strong joy is jubilation, sharp pain is torment, suffering. Scientific experiments have shown that the recording of experiences and their written analysis significantly improve physical and mental health and increase the ability to consciously perceive both their own and others' emotions.
Manage your emotions by extracting information from them and take action.
“Managing your emotions” means learning to draw information from your emotional state. Once you have defined your feelings precisely, try to understand what they are talking about. One young man lived under stress for a long time, thinking that this was due to a large amount of responsibility. After analyzing his emotions, he came to the conclusion that the reason lies in dissatisfaction with the choice of profession and disappointment. Realizing and accepting his feelings, the young man began to look for other ways of professional realization, without spending energy on improving performance in his current position. In a new place, you have to work no less, but work brings joy.
Emotions carry information about your true values and help you overcome internal conflicts. Imagine that you need to talk to a subordinate about shortcomings in his work. The upcoming unpleasant conversation makes you anxious, and you postpone it, only increasing your anxiety. Reflect on your concerns: you may come to the conclusion that one of your values - the pursuit of justice - is responsible for your indecision. You are simply afraid offending a good employee. But criticism will benefit him, it will help him find the path to success! This means that it is more fair in relation to this person to point out to him the problem, and not to be silent, succumbing to emotions. This will help you make a decision that aligns with your values. So that after a conversation with you the employee has a desire to work on his shortcomings, criticize him correctly. Tell, that you understand their difficulties and express your sympathy. Make it clear that you are on his side. Involve him in solving the problem - ask how he intends to fix the situation.
Remain calm in conflict situations and improve relationships by exhausting conflict.
Any conflict provokes the emergence of negative emotions. Don't fight them. Try to side with your opponent and understand the motives of his behavior. Do not pay attention to the form of his statements; think about the content behind the words. Admit to yourself that you also contributed to the conflict situation; think about which one. “Reframe negative thoughts” to express your emotions without judging the other side. You can only control your reactions, but your behavior will certainly influence your opponent's emotions. Remain calm and polite, even if he is being aggressive and disrespectful. When you're not being listened to, draw attention to your ideas and arguments by calling the other person by name and asking direct questions. If the other person has lost control of himself, pause and then continue the conversation.
In a state of stress, turn your attention to your body: concentrate on breathing, relax tense muscles. Your body will tell you many small sources of joy: the taste of coffee, a comfortable chair after standing for a long time, the silence of the office. Appreciate them.
After experiencing an emotional breakdown, do not try to forget about it as soon as possible. On the contrary, analyze your feelings, think about what led you to explosive reactions, what your values were threatened. Treat yourself with compassion and empathy, just like your best friend would. If you've lost your composure, don't just apologize, but describe your emotions - it will help you rebuild and improve your relationship with the one you hurt.
Exercise your emotional intelligence on a daily basis in constructive interactions with coworkers and employees.
Business communication is often limited to correspondence. Consider the hierarchy of its participants to prevent misinterpretation of your message - in letters from the authorities, people tend to see criticism where there is none. The length and nature of the relationship is also important: the better you know the addressee, the more positively they will react to your message. Do not forget about personal qualities - a pessimist is more likely to see threatening prospects in a neutral text. It is generally helpful to imagine yourself as the recipient of the letter. If the style of writing (emoticons or their absence, speech turns) resembles the style of the addressee, he will trust you more. In order to avoid misunderstandings, try to give your emotions unambiguous wording.
During meetings, empathy and the ability to create a positive atmosphere will be invaluable to you. Empathy helps you understand how employees relate to each other, what relationships exist between small groups within the team, who supports your proposals, and who protests them. A clear understanding of the big picture and the nuances of the mind will give you the ability to manage the meeting, and your infectious, energetic and positive attitude will contribute to the success of your project. As Mihai Csikszentmihalyi noted, “we think more clearly and creatively when we experience positive emotions”.
If you have unbalanced people in your team - “protesting natures” - extract three types of information from their outbursts of emotions: emotional (what emotions the employee experiences), factual (what fact influenced the expression of this emotion) and personal (what values Are behind the emotional reaction). Be careful and try not to explode the situation. If you notice signs of anxiety or discontent in an employee's behavior, consider what values influence the expression of their feelings. In a personal conversation, offer your version of the origins of his state, make it clear that his emotions are important to you. Then your subordinates will have no reason to suppress their feelings, and emotional outbursts will stop.
For a successful negotiation, contain your emotions and express them consciously in accordance with your goals.
The manifestation of feelings in negotiations harms the achievement of agreements on mutually beneficial terms. The following strategies will help you deal with unnecessary emotions.
- "Preventing Anxiety." The reason for the feeling of anxiety is fears about the outcome of the negotiations. Anxious people usually act indecisively. The more experienced a negotiator is, the less he or she is prone to anxiety, so one way to deal with anxiety is to take a negotiation course. The second way is to involve a third-party specialist. A mediator is a professional who is not emotionally involved in the process, and it is almost impossible to knock his firm spirit down.
- "Anger management". Anger provokes aggression and often leads negotiations to a standstill. Consider in advance what situations might trigger your anger or anger your opponents, and avoid them. To relieve tension, it is helpful to remind yourself that negotiations are not overnight: usually more than one meeting is scheduled. When you feel that the intensity of passions is growing, take a break. Sometimes it is more effective to “translate anger into chagrin”; in this situation, mutual concessions are possible.
- Prevention of “disappointment and regret”. Dissatisfaction with the outcome of the negotiations leads to disappointment. Deliberately displaying this emotion is a good way to show your opponent your dissatisfaction and encourage them to reconsider their position. Another reason for disappointment is closing the deal too quickly. Conduct the conversation deliberately, take your time. So that by the end of the negotiations you do not have the feeling that you have not used any opportunities, do not hesitate to ask as many questions as possible.
- "Holding back joy and euphoria."Your overwhelming joy of victory is likely to be perceived by your opponent as tactless and disappointing. As a result, he can cancel the deal or "win back" the next time. In addition, a state of euphoria contributes to a distortion of reality - you underestimate the risks in the long term and emotionally “become attached” to your strategy, although in the future it may not lead to success.
Be very attentive to your opponent's feelings. If you are concerned about something, such as a non-verbal behavior that does not match its statements, ask clarifying questions. For example, if the other person says they are happy, but their body language contradicts their words, ask what is bothering them. React to the open display of emotions of the participants in the meeting: anxiety or aggression of opponents can be removed by expressions of sympathy or a witty remark. Control your emotions and express them consciously, depending on the goal you set.
Be aware of the potential for cognitive biases when making an important decision.
Decision making in organizations is largely determined by subconscious processes. First, there is a "pattern recognition" in the situation that has arisen, then - a response to the "emotional associations" caused by these patterns. Sometimes, under the influence of cognitive distortions, these processes fail. There are three factors that can lead to a distortion of the perception of responsible persons: 1) personal interest, 2) emotional attachment, 3) disorienting memories. (In the latter case, it seems that the current situation is very similar to the experience in the past, and the fundamental differences are not captured.)
Use the following method to identify these “risk indicators”. List the possible solutions, indicating the extreme points of the spectrum of options. List the decision makers. Select the most authoritative person from this list and find out what may interfere with his objective perception, if necessary, talk with him. Answer the following questions. Does this employee have a personal interest in one solution or an emotional attachment to people, places, and objects that conflicts with current tasks? Has he had an experience in the past that could lead him in the wrong direction? Conduct this analysis of “risk indicators” for the rest of the employees on the list. After getting a picture of each participant's prejudice, answer the most important question. Given the potential inclination of the participants to a particular decision, is it possible to establish equilibrium in this group, which should lead to a balanced decision? If not, take precautions: give decision-makers more opportunities to gain experience, analyze the situation, discuss; monitor whether the decision made brings the expected results.
Develop your emotional intelligence as a leader.
Respect for subordinates is the key to their respectful attitude towards the leader. Conduct an anonymous survey and, based on employee feedback, identify your strengths and weaknesses. Work on your flaws. Seek help from a professional coach who will analyze the reasons for your inappropriate behavior. Build your team's support by asking colleagues to celebrate your progress. Keep a diary describing the situations that triggered your emotional reactions. Pay attention to the time of day when this happens: For one leader, diary entries helped to realize that negative emotions take possession of him only in the evenings. Since then, he has been engaged in resolving conflict situations in the first half of the day, and in the second, he especially carefully controls his words and actions. Remember,
Authors
The collection includes the works of professors and researchers from the Business School and School of Medicine of Harvard University, Stanford Business School, Wharton Business School of the University of Pennsylvania, McComes Business School of the University of Texas, Dartmouth Business School, George Mason University, Brandyce International Business School Georgetown University, Foster Business School of Washington University, Northwest Kellogg School of Management, Soder Business School of the University of British Columbia, Rutgers University, European Institute of Business Administration (INSEAD) in France, Center for Strategic Management in Ashridge (UK); psychologists, coaches, consultants, journalists, authors of books on psychology, business, management and motivation, including Daniel Goleman, Susan David, Manfred Kets de Vries, Annie McKee.
