1. Before any contact, it is necessary to tune, like tuning an instrument before a concert. Take a stable position - sit or stand so that you feel support, balance. Speak from an adult position - only what you are sure of and what is important to you, keep in mind what you entered into a dialogue for. If there is a chance that you will be provoked to emotions, find a point in front of your eyes or a piece of clothing (or come up with a touch) that will symbolize stability and balance for you.
2. Beginning a difficult conversation with a loved one, say out loud or to yourself: "I start talking in order to stay in contact, to be with you, and not to quarrel." Remember that the dialogue is not conducted in order to win the battle, but in order to synchronize positions. When in contact with a child, stay at eye level, touch the body. At the end of a difficult conversation, be sure to say: "I am with you."
3. The people around have the right not to believe us, not to love us, not to understand and disagree with us - this will have to go through. Truths are subjective. Look for the truth in the dialogue, the original unifying meaning, what is behind the words. This can only be done in a calm state, drawing on the resource of calmness.
4. Everyone has the right to imperfection, mistakes, delusions - this does not negate the initial respect for the interlocutor. Remember that you can be wrong, let yourself learn. Respect for our interlocutors and opponents begins with respect for ourselves.
5. Each has its own language and symbolic row, its own speed of response. What is said and heard is "sifted" through our subjective experience and perception and dissipated when we translate the words we hear into our own language. Don't be afraid to ask again. Give yourself and your interlocutor time to "assimilate" and digest information. More often say the pronouns "I" instead of "you" ("I feel", "I am offended", "I am angry", "I think").
6. We project our thoughts, feelings, unmanifest desires onto the interlocutor, and, accordingly, they project onto us. Learn to distinguish between these projections and not let them affect self-worth.
7. We instantly understand those with whom we live on the same frequency. Speak in understandable language, but do not lower your "frequency". Rise to the level of a more structured interlocutor and do not stoop to those who are trying to provoke a “decline”.
8. With actively aggressive people, you need to learn to leave aggressive contact in time, not to take accusations at your own expense. Such people hide behind common phrases and the pronoun "we", find the most vulnerable sides. When in contact with passive-aggressive people - they prefer to speak behind their backs, throw words after them - try to put semantic accents in communication. Make sure the feelings are shown. Do not be provoked by the feelings of guilt and hyperresponsibility that passive-aggressive people develop. After difficult contacts, you need rest, recharge.
9. Do not slip into a discussion of personal qualities - only talk about facts and events. Evaluation manifests itself from powerlessness as the final argument. If the dialogue nevertheless turns into a quarrel and argument, it becomes completely different frequencies - include a sense of humor. In such cases, I remember the phrase “Mold multiplies by spores. Don't argue with mold."
10. Probably the most important thing, when talking with a person, is to address his "higher" part. Build a dialogue from your "maturity" with its "maturity". This appeal to "higher potential" helps to reach a level beyond trauma, assessments, provocations and stereotyped reactions. Mentally tell the interlocutor: "I see you", "Your thoughts and your presence are important to me, even if I disagree with you."
11. It is important to be able to complete the dialogue - "thank you", "see you", any words that sound sincere at this minute are appropriate. Analyze past dialogues, try to learn from them. A self-confident person calmly talks about what he feels, what he expects, thanks for the contact and dialogue, knows how to accept a compliment and say a compliment.
2. Beginning a difficult conversation with a loved one, say out loud or to yourself: "I start talking in order to stay in contact, to be with you, and not to quarrel." Remember that the dialogue is not conducted in order to win the battle, but in order to synchronize positions. When in contact with a child, stay at eye level, touch the body. At the end of a difficult conversation, be sure to say: "I am with you."
3. The people around have the right not to believe us, not to love us, not to understand and disagree with us - this will have to go through. Truths are subjective. Look for the truth in the dialogue, the original unifying meaning, what is behind the words. This can only be done in a calm state, drawing on the resource of calmness.
4. Everyone has the right to imperfection, mistakes, delusions - this does not negate the initial respect for the interlocutor. Remember that you can be wrong, let yourself learn. Respect for our interlocutors and opponents begins with respect for ourselves.
5. Each has its own language and symbolic row, its own speed of response. What is said and heard is "sifted" through our subjective experience and perception and dissipated when we translate the words we hear into our own language. Don't be afraid to ask again. Give yourself and your interlocutor time to "assimilate" and digest information. More often say the pronouns "I" instead of "you" ("I feel", "I am offended", "I am angry", "I think").
6. We project our thoughts, feelings, unmanifest desires onto the interlocutor, and, accordingly, they project onto us. Learn to distinguish between these projections and not let them affect self-worth.
7. We instantly understand those with whom we live on the same frequency. Speak in understandable language, but do not lower your "frequency". Rise to the level of a more structured interlocutor and do not stoop to those who are trying to provoke a “decline”.
8. With actively aggressive people, you need to learn to leave aggressive contact in time, not to take accusations at your own expense. Such people hide behind common phrases and the pronoun "we", find the most vulnerable sides. When in contact with passive-aggressive people - they prefer to speak behind their backs, throw words after them - try to put semantic accents in communication. Make sure the feelings are shown. Do not be provoked by the feelings of guilt and hyperresponsibility that passive-aggressive people develop. After difficult contacts, you need rest, recharge.
9. Do not slip into a discussion of personal qualities - only talk about facts and events. Evaluation manifests itself from powerlessness as the final argument. If the dialogue nevertheless turns into a quarrel and argument, it becomes completely different frequencies - include a sense of humor. In such cases, I remember the phrase “Mold multiplies by spores. Don't argue with mold."
10. Probably the most important thing, when talking with a person, is to address his "higher" part. Build a dialogue from your "maturity" with its "maturity". This appeal to "higher potential" helps to reach a level beyond trauma, assessments, provocations and stereotyped reactions. Mentally tell the interlocutor: "I see you", "Your thoughts and your presence are important to me, even if I disagree with you."
11. It is important to be able to complete the dialogue - "thank you", "see you", any words that sound sincere at this minute are appropriate. Analyze past dialogues, try to learn from them. A self-confident person calmly talks about what he feels, what he expects, thanks for the contact and dialogue, knows how to accept a compliment and say a compliment.
