Expectations that are too high

[Teacher]

Have you ever wondered why there are so many unhappy people around? It is very difficult to meet a happy person, so it seems that a life full of bitterness and turmoil is normal.

In reality, this should not be so: the normal state of mind is joy and peace. We are made unhappy by high expectations for ourselves, loved ones, our level of wealth, career and much more.

A person with excessive expectations thinks that the environment and his own imperfection are to blame for his unstable inner state. He is sure that he is nervous because reality does not correspond to his desires, and in order to calm down, he must ensure that his dreams come true. But overestimated expectations differ from a healthy desire for improvement in that they are groundless - not supported by the real capabilities of the object to which they are directed.

In fact, this is a psychological deviation, which is accompanied by anxiety, nervousness, and suspiciousness. For those who have a syndrome of inflated desires, it always seems that they deserve more than they have. At the same time, such people often do not realize that they do not correspond to the level of their own needs.

Thus, they can apply for positions for which they have no residual qualifications; dream of marrying an idol or marrying a celebrity. There is no ceiling for their ambitions.

The conflict between the real and the fictional world, the inability to achieve the set goal again generates anxiety and concern - the circle is closed.

This syndrome grows out of an inferiority complex - through external attributes (a beautiful wife, wealth, a luxurious house), a person tries to compensate for his inner lack of self-sufficiency.

Receiving a turn from life "from the gates", he plunges even more into his complex. Both those around and the person himself suffer from exorbitant demands.

Very often this manifests itself in the attitude of wives to their husbands - it always seems to a woman that her husband is not good enough, does not earn enough, does not know how to correctly carry out her tasks. At the same time, she completely forgets that she is also not perfect. The wife gnaws at her beloved and herself is constantly upset by his sluggishness.

We do the same with children, demanding that they be neat and child prodigies - but they are just children who learn the world through mistakes.

Overestimated requirements are manifested to oneself: you need to be the best, do everything at the highest level - hence perfectionism arises.

But here's the catch - we often deserve exactly what we get. And our spiritual harmony depends only on perception. Either we will be too demanding of our life - and therefore unhappy that it does not meet our high expectations, or we will accept it as it is. You just need to remember that the husband (wife) and children are real people, they also have their weaknesses, and not everyone was born to become the presidents of millions of companies ...

The first step towards coping with the syndrome of high expectations is realizing it, realizing that this is a trap of self-deception that you should not fall into. If you think all the time that everything could be better, then you can suffer from this endlessly, since there is no limit to perfection.

The most profitable investments, as a rule, are investments in yourself. It is naive to think that getting a higher education diploma guarantees a successful future life.

Only constant self-development makes a person interesting, both for others and for himself.

© Mikhail Efimovich Litvak