Today, perhaps, you will not meet a person who at least once did not become an object of manipulation by others, for example, colleagues at work, friends, loved ones or just some acquaintances. And the feeling that arises when you are forced to do something that you did not want to do and did not plan at all; when imperceptibly they are trying to draw into a dubious enterprise, not a pleasant one.
Unprepared people, although they realize somewhere within themselves that they should refuse, nevertheless often give up under the onslaught of manipulators, which, in fact, the latter are counting on. To achieve their goals, they can press on pity, cause guilt and feelings of loss, seduce and even threaten. To resist manipulation, there are a variety of methods and techniques, active and passive forms of defense, interesting techniques. But in our today's article, we want to talk in detail about only one of the types of struggle against manipulation - counter-manipulation. Next, we will tell you what it is, how it works, what types of counter-manipulation exist, and we will also discuss in detail the importance of the ability to control emotions when dealing with psychological aggressors.
In its simplest form, counter-manipulation can be represented as follows:
In addition, in order to use counter-manipulation, a person must cultivate certain qualities in himself, such as immunity to provocations and resistance to criticism, threats and other types of psychological attacks that can knock him out of balance. But the most important thing is self-confidence, self-control and courage to respond with manipulation to manipulation.
In addition to this, we can highlight several more basic principles of successful counter-manipulation. The more closely you follow them, the better your results will be:
Proceeding from this, using his own methods against the attacker, one must be very sensitive to changes in the state of the interlocutor and the situation in general. It is often much safer to either simply dot the i's and openly ask the person what he really wants, or not to react to the actions of his communication partner, controlling his emotions in the most careful way. This scenario also has many advantages.
Interpersonal professionals have long noticed that manipulators quickly lose interest in people who are insensitive to their influence. The trick here is that the manipulator simply does not manage to feel his superiority over the interlocutor, if the latter does not succumb to his tricks and cunning.
The manipulator can be compared to a drowning person who tries to stay afloat and uses the heads of others for this. But in the case of people who know how to control their emotional manifestations, he simply slips back into the water. The less a person pays attention to manipulation, the easier it is for him to avoid troubles and painful sensations.
It also happens that the addressee of manipulation begins to feel guilty when he stops playing by the rules of the manipulator. For example, someone from your household is a manipulator. He is used to controlling you and anticipates your reactions and actions. But then you suddenly decided to stop being susceptible to his attacks, you began to demonstrate self-confidence and fortitude.
This is the perfect situation to hurt you, for example, to start pushing your feelings of pity. In order not to fall into another trap, you need to focus on your condition all the time, and also remember that in fact it is caused artificially. In other words, you need to continue to control your emotions and not let them take over. It must be remembered that in dealing with manipulators, in pursuit of the goal of resisting a psychological attack, you often have to become a heartless and unresponsive person for some time.
From the outside it may seem that you are inhuman and evil, but in fact this is an absolute lie, even if you have to doubt it. Manipulation can take the form of accusations - this forces the addressee to start defending himself again. But it is here that you need to be as conscious as possible so that you do not once again become a victim of psychological pressure. To fend off attacks, you need to show calmness with your whole appearance, and this should be expressed both verbally and non-verbally.
The emotional state of a person communicating with a manipulator (sometimes even just being in his presence) is, of course, unstable and not at all neutral. The victim is in a state of internal discomfort, and the most predictable and expected model of the aggressor is precisely that she begins to act according to his scenario, for example, becomes aggressive, depressed, dejected. These are all manifestations of psychological weakness that makes a person pliable and unable to think clearly.
As a result, the manipulator will successfully turn the situation to his advantage, parry any arguments and arguments of the victim, convince her and force him to do what he needs. There may be many such examples, but they all say one thing: lack of emotional control cannot lead to anything good, and even more so to successful protection against manipulation. However, all that has been said cannot be attributed to people who are immune, i.e. to those who are either actually indifferent to attacks in their direction, or pretending that he is such a person.
Manipulators skillfully operate with words and wording, skillfully use the effect of uncertainty and cloud the meaning in order to evoke an emotional response from the victim. But all this turns out to be useless if the addressee of the manipulation carefully thinks over his answers and reactions, answers in a logical and detached manner.
Anyone who is just starting to act this way will feel uncomfortable at first. But uncertainty, hesitant breathing and a rapid heartbeat will soon be replaced by self- confidence, a clear look, words that are suitable for any situation and the absence of unnecessary emotional reactions. Do not just forget that in the process of managing your internal state, you need to pay attention to its external manifestations. Any signs of nervousness and emotionality need to be noticed behind oneself and also try to restrain.
Naturally, communication presupposes a dialogue, so it will not be possible to remain silent, and in any case, you will have to answer something. Keep in mind that the "correct" answers will not come to mind from God knows where, so you need to try to determine in advance what can be used in communication. It is not bad, for example, to memorize a dozen or two counter-narrative phrases. Here are a few of them:
Interpersonal communication professionals say you need to continually improve your skills; it is impossible to stop attempts to parry the attacks of the aggressor even when the objections have not yet been developed and look uncertain. Counter-manipulation and control of emotions are always effective, including in situations where they are far from perfect.
In addition, it should be noted that communication with the manipulator may end with the fact that the last word will remain with him. But this last word should not be taken as an indicator of the success of counter-manipulation. Immunity, lack of emotion, detachment and logical answers can bear fruit not only “here and now,” but also in the long term.
The manipulator can try to influence a potential victim today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, in a week and in two more. The calculation here is put on a long "siege". The task of the addressee of manipulation is to constantly continue to bend his line and adhere to the initially chosen strategy of behavior. The psychological endurance of a manipulator cannot be predicted, because each person has his own limit. Therefore, if attempts to control you do not stop immediately, you need to be persistent - the long-awaited moment will surely come.
A decrease in the manipulator's interest in your person can have several manifestations. So, feeling passive opposition on your part, the person can suddenly distance themselves from you and begin to communicate more coldly. And a complete loss of interest in your person is also possible. This indifference should not bother you, because it signals your victory. Believe me, the next attempts of the manipulator to influence you, if repeated, will be very, very long time ago. But remember that the aggressor can gain experience and become a more skillful manipulator, so you should improve your skills and bring psychological defense to perfection.
For this, in the conclusion of our article, we suggest that you familiarize yourself with several of our additional materials on the topic of manipulations, from which you can gain invaluable knowledge:
We wish you every success!
Unprepared people, although they realize somewhere within themselves that they should refuse, nevertheless often give up under the onslaught of manipulators, which, in fact, the latter are counting on. To achieve their goals, they can press on pity, cause guilt and feelings of loss, seduce and even threaten. To resist manipulation, there are a variety of methods and techniques, active and passive forms of defense, interesting techniques. But in our today's article, we want to talk in detail about only one of the types of struggle against manipulation - counter-manipulation. Next, we will tell you what it is, how it works, what types of counter-manipulation exist, and we will also discuss in detail the importance of the ability to control emotions when dealing with psychological aggressors.
The basics of countermanipulation
Countermanipulation refers to active methods of defense against manipulation. It can be characterized as a reciprocal psychological attack of the addressee of manipulation against its original initiator. In this case, the "victim" operates with the circumstances that were set by the manipulator.In its simplest form, counter-manipulation can be represented as follows:
- pretending not to understand that you are being manipulated;
- you start a retaliatory attack;
- you complete the attack with an unexpected turn of the situation (this maneuver should demonstrate to the manipulator that his victim has an advantage, therefore, with a successful counterattack, the initiator receives a psychological blow, leading to his defeat).
In addition, in order to use counter-manipulation, a person must cultivate certain qualities in himself, such as immunity to provocations and resistance to criticism, threats and other types of psychological attacks that can knock him out of balance. But the most important thing is self-confidence, self-control and courage to respond with manipulation to manipulation.
In addition to this, we can highlight several more basic principles of successful counter-manipulation. The more closely you follow them, the better your results will be:
- you need to answer in short phrases;
- there should be some kind of nebula in your words;
- it is useful to speak in proverbs, sayings, formulaic phrases;
- it is desirable to depersonalize proposals;
- if the situation allows, you need to use a sense of humor and joke;
- at the end of the statement, if the context allows, smile;
- communicate politely and respectfully;
- beware of negative and aggressive attacks from your side;
- use self-irony;
- if the conversation does not lead to anything or you understand that you will be in a disadvantageous position, it is better to refrain from counter-manipulation;
- refrain from making excuses.
Countermanipulation techniques
Counter-manipulation techniques are the same manipulation techniques, but performed for the purpose of psychological protection, and also performed more skillfully than the manipulator can do. We offer several options that have the most powerful psychological impact (they are the ones to master):- Bullying. The addressee of manipulation uses an open (verbal) or latent (through non-verbal signals ) threat towards the manipulator. The threat can be anything, for example, concerning the material position of the manipulator, his career, status in society, prestige, etc. In an aggravated form, the threat concerns a person's life security.
- Entanglement. The addressee of manipulation, feeling pressure from the aggressor, either withholds important information from him, or provides it in dosage, or deliberately distorts.
- Compulsion. Using false analogies, speech ambiguity, switching from topic to topic and other manipulative tricks, the addressee of the manipulation forces its initiator to perform any action.
- Emotion. The addressee of manipulation causes the aggressor to respond with mental reactions and changes in the emotional state, stimulating negative experiences and an unfavorable psychoemotional state in him.
- Involvement. The technique is based on the fact that the addressee of the manipulation uses oral promises in various forms that do not have any real obligations. This is done to involve the manipulator in his “game” and provoke him to take actions or reactions that are beneficial to the addressee.
- Suggestion . This technique is useful when you need to evoke a specific mental state in the manipulator, to instill in him some kind of intention or attitude. To do this, the addressee must put the manipulator in a state of depression, fatigue, uncertainty or anxiety (for this you can use the previous techniques), in which suggestibility (suggestiveness) will increase. It is also much easier to inspire a person with something if his self-esteem or level of competence, for example, professional, is affected.
- Infection . In this case, the addressee of manipulation imposes on the aggressor his perception of the current situation or his own emotional state. To do this, it is recommended to use non-verbal means of communication, such as the rhythm and tempo of speech, tone of voice, gestures, facial expressions, exclamations and special intonation signals. Thanks to this, it is possible to influence the sensory channels of the manipulator.
- Depreciation . The third technique is used to apply psychological pressure. The addressee of manipulation gives the initiator feedback in the form of criticism of his point of view or even personality, discrediting him, belittling remarks in his direction, sarcastic ridicule of his actions and motives, dismissive judgments about his competence, etc. By acting in this way, the victim lowers the self-esteem of the aggressor and modifies his mental state, causing him anxiety, anxiety, insecurity, etc.
- Motivation . A technique that is best used to form a positive motivation in the aggressor, so that the original addressee of the manipulation will be able to realize their own goals. The defending person builds a solution to the problem in his favor, stimulating the manipulator to perform specific actions, perhaps even those that were first suggested by the manipulator himself.
- Ignoring . It is used when it is necessary to reduce the self-esteem of the manipulator, to cause anxiety, uncertainty, anxiety in his mental state. But it is effective only if there is confidence that neglect and ignorance will be perceived by the manipulator as painful. The technique is very simple: the addressee of manipulation does not pay attention to the judgments and statements of the aggressor, demonstrates a certain absent-mindedness, avoids visual contact, deliberately skips the arguments and remarks of the manipulator, even if they are logically justified.
- when the relationship with the manipulator is important, and the damage from his influence does not particularly seriously affect your interests;
- when there is a real opportunity to get profit, playing along with the aggressor;
- when the loss from manipulation can be easily compensated.
Proceeding from this, using his own methods against the attacker, one must be very sensitive to changes in the state of the interlocutor and the situation in general. It is often much safer to either simply dot the i's and openly ask the person what he really wants, or not to react to the actions of his communication partner, controlling his emotions in the most careful way. This scenario also has many advantages.
Emotion control and its meaning
Interpersonal professionals have long noticed that manipulators quickly lose interest in people who are insensitive to their influence. The trick here is that the manipulator simply does not manage to feel his superiority over the interlocutor, if the latter does not succumb to his tricks and cunning.
The manipulator can be compared to a drowning person who tries to stay afloat and uses the heads of others for this. But in the case of people who know how to control their emotional manifestations, he simply slips back into the water. The less a person pays attention to manipulation, the easier it is for him to avoid troubles and painful sensations.
It also happens that the addressee of manipulation begins to feel guilty when he stops playing by the rules of the manipulator. For example, someone from your household is a manipulator. He is used to controlling you and anticipates your reactions and actions. But then you suddenly decided to stop being susceptible to his attacks, you began to demonstrate self-confidence and fortitude.
This is the perfect situation to hurt you, for example, to start pushing your feelings of pity. In order not to fall into another trap, you need to focus on your condition all the time, and also remember that in fact it is caused artificially. In other words, you need to continue to control your emotions and not let them take over. It must be remembered that in dealing with manipulators, in pursuit of the goal of resisting a psychological attack, you often have to become a heartless and unresponsive person for some time.
From the outside it may seem that you are inhuman and evil, but in fact this is an absolute lie, even if you have to doubt it. Manipulation can take the form of accusations - this forces the addressee to start defending himself again. But it is here that you need to be as conscious as possible so that you do not once again become a victim of psychological pressure. To fend off attacks, you need to show calmness with your whole appearance, and this should be expressed both verbally and non-verbally.
The emotional state of a person communicating with a manipulator (sometimes even just being in his presence) is, of course, unstable and not at all neutral. The victim is in a state of internal discomfort, and the most predictable and expected model of the aggressor is precisely that she begins to act according to his scenario, for example, becomes aggressive, depressed, dejected. These are all manifestations of psychological weakness that makes a person pliable and unable to think clearly.
As a result, the manipulator will successfully turn the situation to his advantage, parry any arguments and arguments of the victim, convince her and force him to do what he needs. There may be many such examples, but they all say one thing: lack of emotional control cannot lead to anything good, and even more so to successful protection against manipulation. However, all that has been said cannot be attributed to people who are immune, i.e. to those who are either actually indifferent to attacks in their direction, or pretending that he is such a person.
Emotion control practice
Learning to control your emotions can be the best way to counter-manipulate. Its main advantage is that it will be effective even when a person is simply playing the role of a person immune to psychological attacks. In this case, it is very difficult for the manipulator to guess whether the potential victim is behaving naturally or pretending to be; he takes behavior at face value.Manipulators skillfully operate with words and wording, skillfully use the effect of uncertainty and cloud the meaning in order to evoke an emotional response from the victim. But all this turns out to be useless if the addressee of the manipulation carefully thinks over his answers and reactions, answers in a logical and detached manner.
Anyone who is just starting to act this way will feel uncomfortable at first. But uncertainty, hesitant breathing and a rapid heartbeat will soon be replaced by self- confidence, a clear look, words that are suitable for any situation and the absence of unnecessary emotional reactions. Do not just forget that in the process of managing your internal state, you need to pay attention to its external manifestations. Any signs of nervousness and emotionality need to be noticed behind oneself and also try to restrain.
Naturally, communication presupposes a dialogue, so it will not be possible to remain silent, and in any case, you will have to answer something. Keep in mind that the "correct" answers will not come to mind from God knows where, so you need to try to determine in advance what can be used in communication. It is not bad, for example, to memorize a dozen or two counter-narrative phrases. Here are a few of them:
- "This is your position";
- “These are just stereotypes”;
- "What do you mean?";
- “Did I understand correctly that ...?”;
- "Do you really think that ...?";
- "I'll think about it at my leisure";
- “If I did that, it would not be me”;
- “If you think so, so much the worse for you”;
- “I don’t understand how this concerns me”;
- “I see, but this is not for me,” and so on.
Interpersonal communication professionals say you need to continually improve your skills; it is impossible to stop attempts to parry the attacks of the aggressor even when the objections have not yet been developed and look uncertain. Counter-manipulation and control of emotions are always effective, including in situations where they are far from perfect.
In addition, it should be noted that communication with the manipulator may end with the fact that the last word will remain with him. But this last word should not be taken as an indicator of the success of counter-manipulation. Immunity, lack of emotion, detachment and logical answers can bear fruit not only “here and now,” but also in the long term.
The manipulator can try to influence a potential victim today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, in a week and in two more. The calculation here is put on a long "siege". The task of the addressee of manipulation is to constantly continue to bend his line and adhere to the initially chosen strategy of behavior. The psychological endurance of a manipulator cannot be predicted, because each person has his own limit. Therefore, if attempts to control you do not stop immediately, you need to be persistent - the long-awaited moment will surely come.
A decrease in the manipulator's interest in your person can have several manifestations. So, feeling passive opposition on your part, the person can suddenly distance themselves from you and begin to communicate more coldly. And a complete loss of interest in your person is also possible. This indifference should not bother you, because it signals your victory. Believe me, the next attempts of the manipulator to influence you, if repeated, will be very, very long time ago. But remember that the aggressor can gain experience and become a more skillful manipulator, so you should improve your skills and bring psychological defense to perfection.
For this, in the conclusion of our article, we suggest that you familiarize yourself with several of our additional materials on the topic of manipulations, from which you can gain invaluable knowledge:
- Manipulation of people
- Anti-manipulation protection
- Manipulation techniques in discussion
- Manipulation of toxic people
- 9 manipulations in negotiations
- How to recognize emotional manipulation
- How to communicate with manipulators
- 10 cunning manipulator tactics
We wish you every success!
