Contracting with yourself for effective change

[Teacher]

The note contains 15 sequential exercises of drawing up a quality contract with oneself to effectively change one's behavior, which can be used both in independent work and in work with a psychologist.

If for some reason you want to make changes in yourself or your life and for some reason want to come to this without outside help - this note is for you. Any serious adult business begins with a contract. In this case, it is appropriate to talk about a contract with oneself. And despite the fact that there is no other person involved, take the contract seriously. Write it in writing, as if you are concluding it between two people - yourself and yourself. One often hears the objection to this: "I already know what I want - I will not write anything." In order not to succeed, as in that anecdote about Tanya and Masha, who really wanted to get into the Tretyakov Gallery, but they only had enough money for beer, a written clear contract is needed. It won't work otherwise, or it will work less efficiently. Don ' t be scared by the words "contract" and "contract". There will be no undershirts in five sheets covered with small print. Everything is easier than it sounds. In order to learn how to correctly draw up a contract for changes - complete the following exercises in writing (most of them are taken and revised from the book "Modern Transactional Analysis" by J. Stewart and W. Joyns):

Exercise 1. Write what you would like to change in yourself or in your life, using any words that come to your mind. In order to better understand how it works and not complicate your task, take one simple problem.

Exercise 2. Now reformulate the goal using only positive words, not using negative words (“not,” “don't,” “forbidden,” “don't want to,” etc.). For example, the wording "I want not to drink" - it is more correct to replace it with "I want to live soberly." Record the new revision.

Exercise 3. Check if you can achieve the desired change. Ask yourself, has anyone ever achieved this? If the answer is yes, your goal is achievable. Keep in mind that you can only change yourself, not another person. Make the appropriate adjustments to the text, if necessary, and describe in detail what you want to achieve.

Exercise 4. Check that the goal is specific and observable. You and the people around you should be able to be sure whether you have achieved your goal or not. If the goal is to change relationships with other people, write their first and last names. The goal should not be general and contain comparisons. Examples of wrong goals: "I want to work on myself", "I want to become kind and sociable", "I want to get closer to people", "I want a car like Vasya's", etc. You can work endlessly to achieve such goals.

Exercise 5. Write how you will understand that you have achieved your goal? What will you see, hear and feel in this case?

Exercise 6. Write down what are the signs that people around you will understand that you have achieved your goal?

Exercise 7. Consider whether your target is safe. Consider its possible social consequences.

Exercise 8. Ask yourself: Why do I need to change? Think how much you want to change for yourself, and not in order to please others, get someone's approval, harm someone?

Exercise 9. The Unconscious gives energy to change. In order for changes to take place, the goal must be clear to him. To do this, carry out the following check, ask yourself the question: is your goal clear to an eight-year-old child? If not, reformulate it so that it is understandable. And write down the result.

Exercise 10. Achieving a goal is always associated with certain costs in the form of time, money, obligations, troubles, saying goodbye to someone or something, fear of the consequences of change, etc. Think about what price you are willing to pay for the change? What price are you not willing to pay? Then, after determining those prices, ask yourself the question: Do you still want to change?

Exercise 11. Write how long it will take for you to come to a final change.

Exercise 12. Write down the five points that are required to achieve the goal of the contract. When defining specific actions, indicate how others will be able to judge whether you are progressing towards the goal or not.

Exercise 13. From the list, select those of the items that you must complete during the week, during the month, during the year.

Exercise 14. Include in the contract a list of people who can help you with your change, if any.

Exercise 15: Write the final cut. Make a copy. Hide one copy in a secluded place - out of sight. So that she was found by chance some time later and showed you whether you have fulfilled the contract, and if not, have you deviated from it greatly. It will allow you to work on errors and draw up a new, more efficient contract. Keep another copy close at hand to help you stay on course. So that when you find the second copy, be surprised at how exactly literally you fulfilled the contract.