From one point of view taken separately, neurosis is a depletion of the psyche. One of the easiest ways to create neurosis for yourself is to use (not too consciously) harsh perceptual filters. And the filter of obligation can be considered the simplest and most intensely neurotic filter of perception. Its essence is simple. Take a look at the set of ratings:
I can - I want - I should - I must - I must - I must
All of these assessments reflect how and, at the same time, how you are aimed at the process of achieving the goal. For example, suppose you have a busy day at work. Or relationships at home don't go well. Or you need to solve some health problem. Think about how you will react to a similar problem?
The options are:
I have to deal with the problem
I have to deal with her
I need to deal with her
I should deal with her
I want to deal with her
I can handle her
It is clear that for someone the obligations are manifested more at work, for someone - in the family. For some, it's about health. And for some, they will manifest themselves in all areas of their lives. Where it leads? To see the chain of possible reactions, here's a sketch.
Imagine that you decide to lose 20 kg of weight. And for this you have to do sports every day, walk, count calories, keep records in a food diary. That is, you have to work. And you say to yourself so strictly “you have to lose weight”. What emotional reactions await you at the same time.
A) You may have enthusiasm for a while. But it will be the shorter, the more global, boring, more difficult or risky your task will be.
B) irritation - anger. These emotions are the result of evaluating the situation as such, in which there is a certain obstacle. I'll have to strain ...
C) anxiety. What if I fail? And if you don't have enough willpower? What if it's unpleasant for me? What if I can't stand it? The emotional logic is simple here. If I find myself in some difficult situation, then there are reasons for that (including me). An attempt to keep in sight these very reasons gives rise to anxiety.
D) wine. Often, guilt is a continuation of anxiety. When the focus of attention rests on the search for the extreme in the current situation. In short, self-flagellation begins. Well, why did I overeat. Well, why didn't I get myself together right away. Than I used to think. And similar reflections weave a stranglehold around their neck.
Each of the non-resource emotions (irritation, anxiety, guilt) makes you tense. Strain every time you use this harsh perception of reality. Now think about it! How many times a day do you tell yourself “I have to do this”, “I have to do this” and “I should think about this more”? This is dozens of times! And every time you run a perceptual filter like this, you drain your psyche. It's like a tram. Each time the tram driver presses the pedal, 4 kW of energy is wasted. The only difference is that your body's energy is limited.
As a result, you end up with a habit that chronically depletes your energy potential. Moreover, it contributes to the flow of anxiety and obsessive reflections. And this is a ready-made ground for anxious, obsessive neuroses, neurasthenia and hypochondria.
Yes, there is light in any tunnel.
True, always at the end. But there is. To get away from the above thinking model, you can:
A) strive to use "I should" only when it comes to small, point efforts. After all, the more global the problem, the higher the rate of depletion when using your mechanical willpower.
B) use the "I can" form of perception as often as possible. Just like in the movie Always Say YES. Yes Yes Yes. Say a million times. Say a million more times. And a word spoken two million times is ... YEAH ... Also in your life. Use the "I can" form every time you face difficulties or problems. After all, a banal comparison "I have to lose weight" and "I can lose weight" immediately shows the difference in the emotional impact of this approach. AND! What's important! Such a filter can be used completely mechanically. It is not necessary to believe in it (whoever has encountered neurosis will understand). It is only important to use it.
C) regularly update your own database of strategies for emotional motivation of your behavior. That is, look for ways to motivate yourself with your emotions, and not your will.
