As well as eat a fish, and hand over the bones.

[Teacher]

What quality do heroes have? In addition to strength, nobility, courage - the heroes have one property that greatly admires us, mere mortals, people who are contradictory and susceptible to doubts. It is the ability to make decisions instantly and not regret them.

Remember at least the roadside stone with the prophecy - “If you go to the left, you will fold your head. If you go to the right, you will lose your horse ... ”Indeed, the hero does not choose the lesser of two evils, as an ordinary person would do, but easily, without any hesitation, finds a new, third solution that leads him to victory. And this new decision will magically allow you not to lose anything, that is, the beauty will be saved, and half the kingdom in addition, and the truth will also triumph. Fairy tale, and more! But this is hardly possible in life ... or is it? ...

Public opinion and folk art are unambiguous about the issue put forward in the title of the article - you will chase two hares, you will not catch a single one. That is, you have to choose one and be happy with what you have. It is necessary ... it is necessary ... but you want everything at once!

In fact, despite the sarcasm, there is nothing wrong with that. Why don't I want two important things at once, even if they contradict each other? Moreover, every person tries to put together the non-folding all the time - almost every day we make choices and make decisions.

For example:

Spend a boring evening with your mother-in-law and please this wife, or go to football with your friends?

Play all night at a computer toy, or finally get some sleep before work?

Choose nice or comfortable clothes?

Eat a healthy dish or can you eat what you want from the belly?

Admit to adultery and ease your conscience, or hide everything and avoid a difficult family showdown?

Start running in the morning on Monday, or still wallow in bed until the last?

To go to study where parents are nudging, or to start doing your own thing, which is interesting?

For girls, it's fun with Vasya, but with Kolya it's safe, with whom to create a family?

Who has not faced such questions at least once?

Of course, you can say - just set priorities in your own life, decide what is important to you first of all, and it will immediately become easy for you to make responsible decisions. What if both alternatives are equally important to me? If right now I need both hares? But you can only catch one by missing the second?

In this case, an internal conflict arises.

An internal conflict can be called a situation when, in response to a certain stimulus, a person has two (or more) opposite or incompatible reactions.

For example, wanting and not doing, loving and hating, running away and getting closer. When the conflict is small, this is the norm, but if conflicts become permanent or affect the vital values of a person, then they can destroy a person's mental health. In extreme cases, when the conflict occurs at the level of personality, a split occurs - a person has two (or more) personalities, each of which seeks to take over the other, and thus come into conflict with each other.

A characteristic sign of the presence of an internal conflict is that a person knows perfectly well what can be done in a given situation, but is not capable of it due to internal confrontation or doubts. At the same time, you can hear such phrases: "On the one hand, I want to leave forever in warm countries, but, on the other hand, I want to have a business so as not to think about money." The word "but" definitely indicates the presence of another inner part that is having trouble.

To work with conflicting parts of the personality, you must accept the following conditions:

• Any part of us has a positive intention towards us. No part of our personality can have negative intentions, it is just that sometimes they use inappropriate behavior to achieve a positive intention. For example, a person can often get sick, because only in this way he knows how to rest from work. Take away the disease - a person will burn out in six months.

• We cannot refuse, throw away, “kill” any part of our personality. All parts make up ourselves in all our integrity. Attempts to destroy any part only lead to a deepening of the conflict and internal division.

• All parts choose the best behavior available to them at the moment. If we come up with a new way of satisfying positive intention, some will use it.

Based on these beliefs, there are ways in NLP to work effectively with polar, conflicting parts of the personality. In fact, we become able to integrate internal opposition, that is, to use for the good the energy that was previously used to maintain the conflict. The combination of opposites gradually leads us to inner integrity, when doubts, guilt and other destructive states go away.

The human mind is an amazingly rich, flexible and infinitely wise field, and we can learn to use the resources we have with care. So let the parts that make up our personality will not be a limitation for us, but become a powerful support, a source of diverse points of view and ways of accomplishing tasks!

 

[Tomcat]

Success killers​

NLP places a lot of emphasis on linguistics (the way we talk about things). And we always talk about things. Even when we think about life alone with ourselves, we still express the formulated thoughts in words in an internal dialogue. So our thoughts become words, words - actions, actions - habits, habits - character, and character determines our destiny. Therefore, it is very important to keep track of how we talk about things, even if we are only talking to ourselves. So what are these linguistic killers of success?

These are the words:
- want
- I'll try
- I can not

When we say the word "I want" we are definitely expressing our intention to have it. But not the intention to get it. Or rather, to do something to get it. "Well, like I'll order Santa Claus next New Year ..."

As a result, the place of these goals (set after the word "I want") is in the order of its turn. We often call them "desires."

When we intend to achieve something by all means, we do not say “I want to have it”, we say “I will have it”. Or "I will do everything to get it." The words "will" or "will do" work and even feel in the body in a completely different way. And the way we talk about things inside our head greatly influences the timing of these things in our life ... Because this is literally the "code" of our priorities. Or, in other words, their "weight".

With the word "try" everything is very simple. Try pressing the spacebar. Right now. Happened? Click, most likely, yes. Or not press. But “try to press the space bar” and not press it at the same time is very difficult. It requires a lot of "sampler" skill.

Changes in the physical world lead to results in the physical world. And the word "try" does not exist in the physical world - it is an abstraction. The only exception is “trying a new dish”.

But it's one thing to hit the space bar, you say, and another to open your own business (for example). Undoubtedly. However, I will please you - we have already learned two really most difficult things in our life.

According to research by scientists, the most difficult skills that a person masters are the skills of speaking and walking. Can you imagine how many operations you need to perform at the same time in order to fully control your body, balancing on only two points of support? And how difficult it is to quickly bend the muscles of the throat, mouth and tongue to make words from sounds, you don't even remember. But you learned it! Moreover, without even owning any knowledge and experience at all!

And now the test question:
Have you ever seen a child who says "okay, I'll try to learn to walk"? No! Do you know why? Because the child doesn't try. He just takes it and does it. Straightaway. And over time, he starts to get it. And then it gets better and better. And he never worries that he will need to learn something new - he doesn't even notice it! Because he learns simply by doing what he needs to do. And the improvement of skills is already secondary.

Just do not say that your tasks are more complicated and difficult than the tasks of a child. Compare your baggage of experience and knowledge with the baggage of a child, estimate the scale, and do not make excuses anymore))

So, the word "try" does not exist in the physical world. You either do or you don't. The rest is mental ... not even meditation.

With the word “I can't” it's even easier. If we are not talking about a request to lift a truck alone without a crane, then we again confuse physics with abstraction. But if you ask yourself, "why can't I?" It turns out that "I can't" is either "I don't want" or "I don't know how."

If it's all about “I don't want to,” then it's a matter of being honest with yourself. (You can hang this noodles for others as much as you like, all adults have known for a long time that “I can't” is a polite form of “I won't,” and therefore they also politely answer “I understand you ... ”))

And if you just stumbled upon “I don't know how”, then ask the child who is learning to walk how you will continue to live now.

In summary: Let's be honest with ourselves. If we really need something, then we have every opportunity to get it, and we will do everything for this. And if we haven't done it yet, then this is not what we want. And then you can already admit this to yourself, and choose something else - something that we want more and we will go to this, and not dream about it and order from Santa Claus. However, each person chooses for himself - to live his life in illusion or in reality.

And in conclusion, a question for introspection: It has been almost a month since the beginning of the year, what have you already done during this time to move towards your goal?