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Salute, carders, today we have a useful topic for successful negotiations.
A couple of years ago, the future social engineer had the opportunity to meet with the president of the Florida Hostage Negotiators Association.
During the brief meeting, she asked him what he thought was the most important and effective element of negotiations.
She hoped he would give her some Jedi mind trick that she could use on her son to get him to keep his room clean.
The answer was simple "just listen.”
She was a little disappointed by the simplicity of the answer.
She thought ," How can listening help in a negotiation scenario?"
And how could she apply that to her personal life?
It turns out that there is more to” listening " than the word implies.
Active listening is the secret to any successful negotiation.
Let's look at the difference between listening and active listening.
Passive and active listening
Passive listening mostly involves taking in information without paying much attention to what is being said.
Common words used during passive listening include "hmm, ""I understand, ""interesting, ""aha," and so on.
Being a passive listener isn't always a bad thing-you still pay attention and show it through your facial expressions and body language.
But as a result, the person talking to you may feel that you are busy.
Passive listening plays a vital role in our daily interactions with family and friends, as well as with the people we meet, especially when we are in a social setting.
What, then, is active listening and how can it improve our negotiation skills?
Active listening involves an interested mind and undivided attention to your partner. Instead of listening to hear (or respond), we listen to understand our partner's position or point of view.
Some active listening techniques include tactical empathy, mirroring, and using effective questions.
The goal of active listening is to truly understand the thoughts and emotions that the other person is trying to convey.
We also need to make sure that they know what we understand.
This encourages a person to share more of their thoughts and feelings.
Let's take a look at how we can use some of these active listening techniques.
Tactical empathy
You may be familiar with the word empathy.
This is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.
However, tactical empathy involves listening to the words that our colleague says and trying to identify the emotions that can influence them to act in a certain way and shape their perception.
When we can understand how a situation looks or feels from other people's point of view, then we can use empathy in ways that win their trust.
They will feel that we really understand how they feel.
While this may seem like a simple action, listening without personal judgment requires self-awareness and practice.
This is because our natural tendency is to turn our attention inward and silently compare what we hear with our own logic and views.
Practicing tactical empathy encourages us to give up our personal opinions and focus on understanding what our opponent is trying to convey.
Mirror image
According to Christopher Voss, author of Never Split the Difference, the kind of mirroring used in this context is not a physical type of mirroring.
For example, you put your hand on your chin, and I do the same.
This is easier, but more efficient.
Mirroring consists of repeating the last one or three words of what someone just said.
You could repeat these last few words with your voice up, as if you were asking a question.
This creates a connection and encourages the person to clarify or correct your perception.
By doing this, you're essentially telling the other person ," I'm interested and I want to know more, so keep talking."
Effective questions
We often use conversational questions like "Really?" and " Are you serious?".
These questions play a role in everyday conversations.
However, to truly understand our colleagues, we need to ask effective questions.
These questions usually start with words like" what, "" how, "or"why."
Such questions will make a person stop and think, instead of giving monosyllabic answers.
Another advantage of effective questions is that they make the other person feel like they have everything under control.
In fact, you will actually get an advantage.
You will learn how they see the situation, which will allow you to suggest solutions or options that will appeal to your interlocutor.
Improving your active listening skills - why is this important?
Most of us like to think of ourselves as great listeners, and we probably are to a certain extent.
In truth, we can all improve our active listening skills.
To be an active listener, you don't just have to sit in silence while the other person speaks, without any interaction or outward expression of empathy.
If that were the case, my dog would be the best listener in the world.
It's good to remember that even when we're fully engaged in a discussion, we often listen with the intention of responding.
For example, when listening to another person, we often formulate answers in our minds to confirm our own position and point of view.
Perhaps we think that by doing so, we will get a perfect rebuttal and confirm our "correctness".
However, this interferes with true communication.
This reduces our strength and situational awareness, making us less empathetic and therefore less trustworthy.
When we practice ego suppression in our active listening and listen in order to understand the other person's point of view (whether we agree or disagree), we can show true empathy, which in turn builds trust, allowing our opponent to feel safe. express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
This will contribute to more successful negotiations every time.
Listen with a goal
Thus, active listening is the ability to listen in order to understand our partner. So whether you're negotiating with clients, your significant other, or even your children, ask yourself: How well do I understand my partner's feelings, thoughts, and points of view? According to Stephen Covey, author of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, we should "strive to understand before we are understood."
A couple of years ago, the future social engineer had the opportunity to meet with the president of the Florida Hostage Negotiators Association.
During the brief meeting, she asked him what he thought was the most important and effective element of negotiations.
She hoped he would give her some Jedi mind trick that she could use on her son to get him to keep his room clean.
The answer was simple "just listen.”
She was a little disappointed by the simplicity of the answer.
She thought ," How can listening help in a negotiation scenario?"
And how could she apply that to her personal life?
It turns out that there is more to” listening " than the word implies.
Active listening is the secret to any successful negotiation.
Let's look at the difference between listening and active listening.
Passive and active listening
Passive listening mostly involves taking in information without paying much attention to what is being said.
Common words used during passive listening include "hmm, ""I understand, ""interesting, ""aha," and so on.
Being a passive listener isn't always a bad thing-you still pay attention and show it through your facial expressions and body language.
But as a result, the person talking to you may feel that you are busy.
Passive listening plays a vital role in our daily interactions with family and friends, as well as with the people we meet, especially when we are in a social setting.
What, then, is active listening and how can it improve our negotiation skills?
Active listening involves an interested mind and undivided attention to your partner. Instead of listening to hear (or respond), we listen to understand our partner's position or point of view.
Some active listening techniques include tactical empathy, mirroring, and using effective questions.
The goal of active listening is to truly understand the thoughts and emotions that the other person is trying to convey.
We also need to make sure that they know what we understand.
This encourages a person to share more of their thoughts and feelings.
Let's take a look at how we can use some of these active listening techniques.
Tactical empathy
You may be familiar with the word empathy.
This is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.
However, tactical empathy involves listening to the words that our colleague says and trying to identify the emotions that can influence them to act in a certain way and shape their perception.
When we can understand how a situation looks or feels from other people's point of view, then we can use empathy in ways that win their trust.
They will feel that we really understand how they feel.
While this may seem like a simple action, listening without personal judgment requires self-awareness and practice.
This is because our natural tendency is to turn our attention inward and silently compare what we hear with our own logic and views.
Practicing tactical empathy encourages us to give up our personal opinions and focus on understanding what our opponent is trying to convey.
Mirror image
According to Christopher Voss, author of Never Split the Difference, the kind of mirroring used in this context is not a physical type of mirroring.
For example, you put your hand on your chin, and I do the same.
This is easier, but more efficient.
Mirroring consists of repeating the last one or three words of what someone just said.
You could repeat these last few words with your voice up, as if you were asking a question.
This creates a connection and encourages the person to clarify or correct your perception.
By doing this, you're essentially telling the other person ," I'm interested and I want to know more, so keep talking."
Effective questions
We often use conversational questions like "Really?" and " Are you serious?".
These questions play a role in everyday conversations.
However, to truly understand our colleagues, we need to ask effective questions.
These questions usually start with words like" what, "" how, "or"why."
Such questions will make a person stop and think, instead of giving monosyllabic answers.
Another advantage of effective questions is that they make the other person feel like they have everything under control.
In fact, you will actually get an advantage.
You will learn how they see the situation, which will allow you to suggest solutions or options that will appeal to your interlocutor.
Improving your active listening skills - why is this important?
Most of us like to think of ourselves as great listeners, and we probably are to a certain extent.
In truth, we can all improve our active listening skills.
To be an active listener, you don't just have to sit in silence while the other person speaks, without any interaction or outward expression of empathy.
If that were the case, my dog would be the best listener in the world.
It's good to remember that even when we're fully engaged in a discussion, we often listen with the intention of responding.
For example, when listening to another person, we often formulate answers in our minds to confirm our own position and point of view.
Perhaps we think that by doing so, we will get a perfect rebuttal and confirm our "correctness".
However, this interferes with true communication.
This reduces our strength and situational awareness, making us less empathetic and therefore less trustworthy.
When we practice ego suppression in our active listening and listen in order to understand the other person's point of view (whether we agree or disagree), we can show true empathy, which in turn builds trust, allowing our opponent to feel safe. express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
This will contribute to more successful negotiations every time.
Listen with a goal
Thus, active listening is the ability to listen in order to understand our partner. So whether you're negotiating with clients, your significant other, or even your children, ask yourself: How well do I understand my partner's feelings, thoughts, and points of view? According to Stephen Covey, author of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, we should "strive to understand before we are understood."
