A little about "guilt"

[CarderPlanet]

Feelings of guilt are a psychoanalytic concept. Therefore, before moving on to the essence of this feeling and talking about how to get rid of it - a little, as they say, theory.
Absolutely everything that a person does is controlled by the cortex of his brain (and not by the subcortex, as some not quite knowledgeable people say). But we are aware of only part of this activity - that is, we can designate in words, say about these actions and describe them on paper. This is our consciousness. But our brain also does a lot of other work, which we do not know anything about - this is controlling the activity of the endocrine glands, and maintaining balance when walking, and even the whole set of our emotions and feelings. All this belongs to the so-called area of the unconscious. And if consciousness determines our intelligence, then the unconscious is responsible for biological existence and creates the necessary conditions for the existence of intelligence. The ratio of consciousness and unconsciousness in a person is very curious: even in the sixties, scientists paid attention to that to ensure all intellectual activity, a person needs only 1-4% of the volume of the brain. The question is, what is the rest of us doing then? And she works exclusively to provide for the unconscious.
Man, by his biological nature, is a predator. And killing is a natural thing for a predator. But now imagine what would happen if we all started killing each other? The history of mankind would have ended in the Stone Age. That is why, at the very dawn of civilization, the so-called 'censorship' (or, according to Jung, the collective unconscious) appeared in the structure of human thinking - various systems of taboos and prohibitions, including murder. We sometimes call this public opinion. And as a kind of punishment for asocial behavior in the course of evolution, a sense of guilt was formed at the 'collective-unconscious' level. Indeed, in fact, a person, refraining from committing bad actions in the opinion of this society, is afraid not so much of an external court as, as they say, "the court of his own conscience."
But then it turns out that this feeling is useful and there is no need to get rid of it? That's how it is, but not quite. We can say that the feeling of guilt as a deterrent is a good for society, but a trouble for an individual: in the case when it becomes divorced from guilt itself. For example, almost all criminals do not feel guilty (although their guilt has been proven by the court) and do not regret what they have done - unless they are stupidly caught. And the feeling of guilt often pesters their victim: In general, often the feeling of guilt oppresses the one for whom there is actually no guilt. Therefore, let's take a look at a few of the most common examples when a person isted his life on self-accusation and atonement for sins.

"WINES" OF A BORN CHILD
Sometimes the children, as soon as they grow up and begin to imagine where the children come from, the mother (or even other relatives) tell in paints how hard it was for the mother, how hard she bore the pregnancy, how she suffered and suffered when he was born, How many troubles I endured - they say, everything in order to give you life! And such speeches, as a rule, end with one thing (for which, in fact, they are pronounced): and you, an ungrateful child, now have to please her all your life, because it is you alone who is to blame for all her torments! It turns out that the child is to blame for the fact that he was born.
It is clear that he did not have any malicious intent towards his mother, and did not at all plan to hurt her. At least, the decision to give birth to this child was just my mother's (and if the child was born out of stupidity, then again, excuse me, not in her own way). By the way, if you analyze in more detail most of the stories about difficult childbirth, it turns out that complications are also largely a consequence of mother's behavior (sometimes just out of ignorance). And even in general it turns out that this mother was initially forbidden by doctors to have children - but she, as often happens, did not obey and took a chance. Her risk was crowned with success, only had to suffer. But what is the child's fault? In this case, he should be almost thankful to say that he was able to be born in spite of everything.
But unfortunately, the deep reason for such teachings is different: the parents (and most often the mother) really just wanted to have a living toy, but an independent personality turned out that did not suit them. Therefore, with such a feeling of guilt, the mother tries to bind the child to herself, turn it into an inanimate object, obedient to the parental will, so that it would be easier to manipulate him, amusing her desire to play mother-daughter ... They unconsciously blame the child for actually cutting the umbilical cord at birth, which allowed him to become independent. Moreover, parents should not be offended here, even if they believe that this is not so (believe me, you yourself may not be aware of such beliefs of yours).

"WINES" AFTER SOCIAL STATUS FALL
The feeling of this guilt is formed, as a rule, after a crisis, job loss and other similar troubles. The man is convinced that he was fired not because of a general layoff, but because it was he who was so bad, that he did not know how to please the authorities; that he receives little, not because he was not going to change his job with the courage, but because he will not be given much anywhere: It's “good” if his relatives begin to accuse him of all such sins. Probably, they think that this will motivate a person to new financial feats to atone for their 'offense'? Not at all: the feeling of guilt is very unproductive and harmful, it makes you get stuck in the past, scold yourself for the mistakes you have already made - but do not analyze them and do not try to correct the situation. This feeling does not allow you to live in the present and, what is most unpleasant, makes it impossible to shape the future. All thoughts are subordinated only to self-accusation, and there is no strength or mind left to think about how to improve your situation. Here, the most important thing is just positive support - so that at least someone believes in your strengths and capabilities!

"WINES" OF RAPE VICTIMS
Unfortunately, in the overwhelming majority of cases, the conversation about rape, in one way or another, ends with a conclusion on the principle of 'it is my own fault'. But in fact - can you judge why the victim went out on the street alone late at night, for what reason he accepted the invitation to get into the suspicious car? Why couldn't she physically stand up for herself - maybe because she just couldn't hit a person? And with an unfamiliar man, is it really impossible for a woman to just talk? And is it her fault that this man considers a woman only as a tool for satisfying his own lust? Moreover, there are situations in which no matter how you act, you still find yourself guilty. Let's say a girl came to an unfamiliar company with her boyfriend, who promised to see her off - and, excuse me, disappeared.
In many cases, the victim turns to passers-by for help even before the fact of violence? Do you think they often help her? In a dangerous situation, forensic experts even recommend shouting not 'rape' and not even 'help', but 'Fire !!!' Then, they say, people will definitely jump out of their apartments - but don't ask. Now tell me, if the victim could not make such a small lie because she simply does not know how to lie - is she to blame for this?

Moreover, victims of rape, if they survived, often take their own lives - precisely because of a sense of guilt, and not because it is difficult for them to experience the very fact of violence. They simply do not have the strength to continue living under the yoke of universal censure: But in fact, those who try to pin the feeling of guilt for the violence on the victim, most likely in this way seek to avoid accusations of their own helplessness ...

"WINES" AFTER THE DEATH OF A LOVE PERSON
Here arises, so to speak, a whole bunch of varieties of guilt feelings. And experiences that you yourself are indirectly guilty of death (for example, you did not take good care of the patient); and suffering that before death you could not come and say goodbye 'properly' and a particularly oppressive feeling arises after the suicide of a loved one - especially if he directly accused you in the last note: But in fact, in no case is your fault ... You had no intention of killing, and you even unconsciously did not want this death - especially if you did not come to say goodbye: after all, you did not think that a person could die, moreover, deep down, you were sure that everything would be all right with him ... And even if in your hearts you wished someone, excuse me, 'Let you die', and the next day this person was hit by a car or had a stroke - you also have nothing to blame yourself for. Are you the Lord God that people die only at your will?

By the way about God. The conflict between priests and psychoanalysts has been going on for many years. Because psychoanalysis recognizes that no thoughts, including the latent desire for someone to die, are not an offense, and priests believe that even thoughts can be a sin. Yes, society as a whole, in principle, needs such a dogma about the sinfulness of thought and the corresponding feeling of guilt - if only because some people have one step from thought to action (and this step can even be taken unconsciously). But from the point of view of biology, a person unconsciously almost should want certain things aimed at his mundane, animal good - including the death of the one who stands in the way of this good. And the task of the psychoanalyst is to help a person get rid of the feeling of guilt for these thoughts.