9 caveats to do nothing

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There are such banal and obvious thoughts that it is even inconvenient to talk and write about them. “To live, you need to breathe” - it is difficult to imagine a more banal thought. Anyone to whom you say such a phrase wonders why they should discuss it. After all, everything is clear by default.

Roughly the same thing happens when you say that conscious management of your own life begins with the fact that a person must take responsibility for his life upon himself. With the exception of a very extensive army of admirers of the "predestination of fate", usually no one questions this thesis. Yes, you have to. And in general, it is not clear why you are talking about this, because it is already obvious. You would also say that in order to live, you need to breathe.

Indeed, somehow everything is obvious and banal. With only one difference. Absolutely everyone breathes. But they take responsibility for their lives much less often.

“You say responsibility for your life? Take over? So who can argue. This is understandable to the horse. We have taken this responsibility of yours long ago. You'd better tell me ... "Most often, a question follows that completely refutes the previous phrase, and indicates that no one took any responsibility upon themselves.

It is very easy to determine by the way the question or the problem that the person wants to solve is phrased. Anyone who wants to can conduct an experiment. Set the article aside for now, grab a piece of paper and a pen and do the following:

1. Write down ten problems or tasks that you would like to solve in the near future.

2. What way of solving the situation do you see at the moment?

3. What prevents you from solving this problem now?

Now let's look at the ways that a person uses to remove responsibility from himself.

It turns out that by no means everything that "the horse understands" is accepted by the horse as a guide to action.

NINE EXCUSES TO DO NOTHING

1. I can't. Probably the most common way to shrug off responsibility. I can't start going to the gym. I can't find the time. I can't pull myself together. I can't get myself together for… I can't…. I can't ... I can't ... Usually a “man-I can't” is looking for a magic recipe, how can I still be able to, without straining. And since such a solution does not exist, then either a person spends his life in search of magic, or, being disappointed in the search, resigns himself to fate.

2. Shifting responsibility on to others and looking for those responsible: "The director is a goat." "The husband is a tyrant", "Parents do not allow to do ...", "Dad did not get a good job ...". In the relationship of partners "Because of you ...", "If not for you ...", "It was you who pulled me in ...".

3. Shifting responsibility on the circumstances: "I was born in the wrong place", "There are no conditions", "A career can be made only by pull." "We are not such, Life is so".

4. Attempts to change the situation by changing other people: “I want the management to appreciate me”, “How to explain to my parents that I am an adult and do not need their control”, “I want my husband….” ...

5. Shifting responsibility on the current situation: "Now is not the time ...", "I will do it, but after ...". "First you need ....". Of course, situations often arise when the moment is not quite right. For example, starting a business during a crisis may not be the best option, and such a postponement of the decision may be fully justified. Although people who disclaim responsibility will always find a reason why they will never start doing anything.

6. Formulations. "It makes me mad". "He annoys me". "It upsets me", "I am not appreciated." If you analyze the phrase, you will see that there is an element of passivity in the wording. Someone or something outside influences my inner state. But we ourselves are responsible for our inner state. And when we use language like this, we disclaim responsibility for our feelings.

7. Game "Cripple". The person playing this game says his "trump phrase": "What do you want from a person like me?" He finds any flaw, either in himself or in his life, and this finds his problems and his passivity. The reasons for the defectiveness of the "cripple" can be both diseases and the origin of "poor family", "I live in a small town with no prospects", etc.

8. Search for an answer to a question that cannot be answered. These can be either general questions, to which there is simply no single answer: "How to achieve success ...". Or search for guaranteed ready-made recipes "How to convince that ...", "How to open a guaranteed profitable business ...".

9. Designation of conditions for the start of action. The formula for this excuse has the following construction: “If…. Then I would…. "." If I lived in another city, then I could make a career. "" If my husband would let me work, then I would ... "." If the leadership was adequate, then .... ".

All these methods allow you to absolve yourself of responsibility. The question is for what? The answer is simple. Justification of passivity, which allows you to maintain a stable self-esteem. With me everything is "ok", just ... Self-deception.

There is a beautiful phrase that characterizes the acceptance of responsibility:

"Who wants, he is looking for a way, who does not want, he is looking for an excuse."

Now go back to the problems that you formulated and see if there are any elements of shifting responsibility in the wording you wrote. If you have found such a mechanism, then it is necessary to formulate the problem, taking responsibility upon yourself.

9 INSTRUCTIONS HOW TO TAKE YOUR LIFE IN YOUR HANDS

1. I can't. It all starts with the "I can" setting. Of course, there is something that we objectively cannot. For example, jump from the spot up to three meters. But this is more of a hypothetical example. Most of the problems are in our mogu's zone. I believe that the attitude "It is not Gods who burn pots" is very important for human development, which means the basic attitude "I can."
“I can't” implies a lack of opportunity, hopelessness, which means why rock the boat. Although in reality this is not the case. It is important to formulate the problem in such a way that it contains the opportunity to fix it, and it becomes clear how to do it.

It is necessary to reformulate I cannot, to “scary”, “difficult”, “risky”, etc. If we replace the excuse “I cannot” with “scary”, then it is clear that we need to work with fear, overcome it. "Risky" - learn to calculate options, minimize risks.

2. Shifting responsibility onto others is a very convenient excuse. It turns out that I'm good, and he is a bastard, so something goes wrong with me. But! We cannot change another person. We can change ourselves, our behavior, and then the behavior of others in relation to us will change. In this case, it is important to designate for yourself your area of responsibility, and ask yourself a control question: "What can I personally do to change the situation." The answer should not contain recommendations for other people, only for yourself.

3. Shifting responsibility on the circumstances. It echoes the previous point. We cannot directly influence many circumstances. You can either adapt to them, or change the environment of the circumstances. No development opportunities in a small town? You can move to a big one. Develop your business using the Internet. A hopeless job? It happens. Who's stopping you from finding a friend? Don't say there is no work. You are alone because "there are no real men." Understand that this is nonsense, and one can always be found.

4. Attempts to change the situation by changing other people. I already wrote that we cannot change others. Think about how you can change yourself. One woman whose husband is a successful entrepreneur complained that he was not taking her seriously. Why did she decide that? She approached him with a request: "Open some business for me." He naturally refused, because with a similar wording, a business is not opened. And she kept trying to figure out how to get him to start a business.

5. Wrong moment, it can be really inappropriate. But there are people who have an inappropriate moment all the time, all their lives. So it's not about the moment. It's about the excuses that a person comes up with to justify passivity.

6. Replace wording like “annoys me” with I-statements, for example “I'm nervous”. In the first formulation, something external affects our internal state, and we cannot do anything about it. When using I-formulations, our state depends on us, and accordingly we can control it.

7. Stop playing Cripple. Are you okay. If you return to the image of "Crippled", then it is worth dealing with self-esteem.

8. Stop looking for a ready-made recipe for success. In principle, it does not exist. Try to understand yourself, master the technologies of efficiency, create your own recipe.

9. Remove from the lexicon "If only ...". This is an excuse. If only mushrooms had grown in my mouth. Your "If only ..." is just an excuse.

Summary:

Taking responsibility for your life means focusing on opportunities.

Answer to the question:

What can I do to make a difference?

Only with this approach will we manage our lives. This cannot be done until the person takes real responsibility for his life.

It is fair to say that there are situations that we cannot influence. But we can always change our perception of the situation.

Just a week ago, we were returning from vacation, and were late for a transfer in Istanbul. This happened through the fault of the airline. We did what depended on us. We changed tickets. Then we quietly went to rest at the hotel. There were other latecomers who shouted something for a long time, threatened with courts, and were terribly indignant. Only this did not affect the result. In the morning we met on the plane. We were rested, and people were nervous, not slept and tired. They just could not accept the situation, which they could not really influence.

Responsibility is a key principle in human life. And, as I tried to show in the article, it is not as obvious as it seems at first.
 
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