Lord777
Professional
- Messages
- 2,579
- Reaction score
- 1,513
- Points
- 113
1. The ability to love.
The ability to get involved in relationships, to open up to another person. To love him for who he is: with all the advantages and disadvantages. Without idealization and depreciation. It is the ability to give, not take. This also applies to parental love for children, and partner love between a man and a woman.
2. Ability to work.
This applies not only to the profession. This is primarily about the ability to create and create what is valuable for a person, family, society. It is important for people to realize that what they are doing has meaning and significance for Others. This is the ability to bring something new to the world, creativity. Teenagers often find it difficult to do this.
3. Ability to play.
Here we are talking about both the direct meaning of "play" in children and the ability of adults to "play" with words and symbols. This is an opportunity to use metaphors, allegories, humor, symbolize your experience and enjoy it. Young animals often play using body contact, and this is important for their development. Moreover, if the animals are not allowed to play one day, then the next day they will play with double zeal. Scientists draw an analogy with humans and conclude that hyperactivity in children may be due to a lack of play. In addition, there is a general tendency in modern society that we stop playing. Our games are transformed from “active” into “detached-observant”. We ourselves dance, sing, play sports less and less, more and more observing how others do it. Interesting,
4. Safe relationship.
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for people who go to psychotherapy to be in violent, threatening, addictive - in a word, unhealthy relationships. John Bowlby described three types of attachment: normal, anxious (loneliness is difficult to endure, so a person "sticks" to a significant object) and avoidant (a person can easily let go of the Other, but at the same time remains with tremendous anxiety inside). Subsequently, another type of attachment emerged - disorganized (D-type): people with this type of attachment often react to the person caring for them as a source of warmth and fear at the same time. This is common in people with borderline personality organization, and is often seen after childhood abuse or rejection. Such people "stick" to the object of attachment and at the same time "bite" it. Unfortunately, attachment disorders are very common. But the good news is that the type of attachment can be changed. As a rule, psychotherapy is well suited for this (two or more years). But it is possible to change the type of attachment and in the presence of a stable, safe, long-term (more than 5 years) relationship with a partner.
5. Autonomy.
People who go to psychotherapy often have a lack of it (but great potential, since they did come to therapy). People are not doing what they really want to do. They do not even have time to “choose” (listen to themselves) what they want. At the same time, autonomy can be shifted to other areas of life. For example, patients suffering from anorexia often try to control at least something that they think is available, while choosing their own weight instead of their desires.
6. Constancy of self and object.
This is the ability to stay in contact with all sides of your own I: both good and bad, both pleasant and not causing stormy joy. It is also the ability to feel conflicts without splitting. This is the contact between the child I was, who I am now, and the person I will be in 10 years. This is the ability to take into account and integrate everything that is given by nature and what I have managed to develop in myself. One of the violations of this point can be an "attack" on one's own body, when it is not unconsciously perceived as a part of oneself. It becomes something separate, which can be made to starve or cut, etc.
7. Ability to recover from stress.
If a person has enough ego strength, then when he is faced with stress, he does not get sick, does not use only one rigid defense to get out of him, does not break down. He is able to adapt in the best way to a new situation.
8. Realistic and reliable self-assessment.
Many people are unrealistic and at the same time assess themselves too harshly, they have a critical harsh Super-Ego. The opposite situation is also possible - on the contrary, overestimated self-esteem. Parents praise their children for the very best, including the "best" children. But such unfounded praise, devoid of love and warmth in its very essence, instills in children a sense of emptiness. They do not understand who they really are, and it seems to them that no one really knows them. They often act as if they have a right to be treated in a special way, even though they haven't actually earned it.
9. The system of value orientations.
It is important that a person understands ethical norms, their meaning, while being flexible in following them. In the 19th century, they talked about "moral madness", which is now called rather antisocial personality disorder. This is a serious problem associated with misunderstanding, lack of feeling by a person of various ethical, moral and value norms and principles. Although, at the same time, such people may have other elements from this list.
10. Ability to endure the heat of emotions.
To endure emotions means to be able to stay with them, to feel them, while not acting under their influence. It is also the simultaneous ability to stay in touch with both emotions and thoughts - your rational part.
11. Reflection.
The ability to remain ego-dystonic, the ability to look at yourself as if from the outside. Reflective people are able to see what exactly is their problem, and accordingly, deal with it in such a way as to solve it, helping themselves as effectively as possible.
12. Mentalization.
With this ability, people are able to understand that Others are completely separate individuals, with their own characteristics, personal and psychological structure. Such people also see the difference between feeling offended by someone else's words and the fact that the other person did not really want to offend them. The resentment is more likely due to their personal, personal experiences and personality traits.
13. Variability of protective mechanisms and flexibility in their use.
14. Balance between what I do for myself and for my environment.
This is about the opportunity to be yourself and take care of your own interests, while taking into account the interests of the partner with whom you have a relationship.
15. Feeling of vitality.
The ability to be and feel alive. Winnicott wrote that a person can function normally, but at the same time be as if inanimate. Many psychiatrists and psychotherapists have written about inner deadness.
16. Acceptance of what we cannot change.
This is the ability to sincerely and honestly be sad, to experience grief over the fact that it is impossible to change. Accepting our limitations and lamenting what we would like to have, but we do not have it.
Be mentally healthy!
The ability to get involved in relationships, to open up to another person. To love him for who he is: with all the advantages and disadvantages. Without idealization and depreciation. It is the ability to give, not take. This also applies to parental love for children, and partner love between a man and a woman.
2. Ability to work.
This applies not only to the profession. This is primarily about the ability to create and create what is valuable for a person, family, society. It is important for people to realize that what they are doing has meaning and significance for Others. This is the ability to bring something new to the world, creativity. Teenagers often find it difficult to do this.
3. Ability to play.
Here we are talking about both the direct meaning of "play" in children and the ability of adults to "play" with words and symbols. This is an opportunity to use metaphors, allegories, humor, symbolize your experience and enjoy it. Young animals often play using body contact, and this is important for their development. Moreover, if the animals are not allowed to play one day, then the next day they will play with double zeal. Scientists draw an analogy with humans and conclude that hyperactivity in children may be due to a lack of play. In addition, there is a general tendency in modern society that we stop playing. Our games are transformed from “active” into “detached-observant”. We ourselves dance, sing, play sports less and less, more and more observing how others do it. Interesting,
4. Safe relationship.
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for people who go to psychotherapy to be in violent, threatening, addictive - in a word, unhealthy relationships. John Bowlby described three types of attachment: normal, anxious (loneliness is difficult to endure, so a person "sticks" to a significant object) and avoidant (a person can easily let go of the Other, but at the same time remains with tremendous anxiety inside). Subsequently, another type of attachment emerged - disorganized (D-type): people with this type of attachment often react to the person caring for them as a source of warmth and fear at the same time. This is common in people with borderline personality organization, and is often seen after childhood abuse or rejection. Such people "stick" to the object of attachment and at the same time "bite" it. Unfortunately, attachment disorders are very common. But the good news is that the type of attachment can be changed. As a rule, psychotherapy is well suited for this (two or more years). But it is possible to change the type of attachment and in the presence of a stable, safe, long-term (more than 5 years) relationship with a partner.
5. Autonomy.
People who go to psychotherapy often have a lack of it (but great potential, since they did come to therapy). People are not doing what they really want to do. They do not even have time to “choose” (listen to themselves) what they want. At the same time, autonomy can be shifted to other areas of life. For example, patients suffering from anorexia often try to control at least something that they think is available, while choosing their own weight instead of their desires.
6. Constancy of self and object.
This is the ability to stay in contact with all sides of your own I: both good and bad, both pleasant and not causing stormy joy. It is also the ability to feel conflicts without splitting. This is the contact between the child I was, who I am now, and the person I will be in 10 years. This is the ability to take into account and integrate everything that is given by nature and what I have managed to develop in myself. One of the violations of this point can be an "attack" on one's own body, when it is not unconsciously perceived as a part of oneself. It becomes something separate, which can be made to starve or cut, etc.
7. Ability to recover from stress.
If a person has enough ego strength, then when he is faced with stress, he does not get sick, does not use only one rigid defense to get out of him, does not break down. He is able to adapt in the best way to a new situation.
8. Realistic and reliable self-assessment.
Many people are unrealistic and at the same time assess themselves too harshly, they have a critical harsh Super-Ego. The opposite situation is also possible - on the contrary, overestimated self-esteem. Parents praise their children for the very best, including the "best" children. But such unfounded praise, devoid of love and warmth in its very essence, instills in children a sense of emptiness. They do not understand who they really are, and it seems to them that no one really knows them. They often act as if they have a right to be treated in a special way, even though they haven't actually earned it.
9. The system of value orientations.
It is important that a person understands ethical norms, their meaning, while being flexible in following them. In the 19th century, they talked about "moral madness", which is now called rather antisocial personality disorder. This is a serious problem associated with misunderstanding, lack of feeling by a person of various ethical, moral and value norms and principles. Although, at the same time, such people may have other elements from this list.
10. Ability to endure the heat of emotions.
To endure emotions means to be able to stay with them, to feel them, while not acting under their influence. It is also the simultaneous ability to stay in touch with both emotions and thoughts - your rational part.
11. Reflection.
The ability to remain ego-dystonic, the ability to look at yourself as if from the outside. Reflective people are able to see what exactly is their problem, and accordingly, deal with it in such a way as to solve it, helping themselves as effectively as possible.
12. Mentalization.
With this ability, people are able to understand that Others are completely separate individuals, with their own characteristics, personal and psychological structure. Such people also see the difference between feeling offended by someone else's words and the fact that the other person did not really want to offend them. The resentment is more likely due to their personal, personal experiences and personality traits.
13. Variability of protective mechanisms and flexibility in their use.
14. Balance between what I do for myself and for my environment.
This is about the opportunity to be yourself and take care of your own interests, while taking into account the interests of the partner with whom you have a relationship.
15. Feeling of vitality.
The ability to be and feel alive. Winnicott wrote that a person can function normally, but at the same time be as if inanimate. Many psychiatrists and psychotherapists have written about inner deadness.
16. Acceptance of what we cannot change.
This is the ability to sincerely and honestly be sad, to experience grief over the fact that it is impossible to change. Accepting our limitations and lamenting what we would like to have, but we do not have it.
Be mentally healthy!
